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Monday, December 20, 2010

"How many kids do you want?"

Last week as I was telling people that we had 3 totsicles, I had a couple people ask me how many kids that we wanted. I found that so odd. I mean, yes before DH and I got married and when we decided to start trying to have kids, we'd discussed this. Originally we wanted three but then changed our mind to two...having them 4-5 years apart and the first before we were 30. Cue IF to enter our world and that plan was thrown out the window. At that point, we just wanted one child...if we could even have that. Forget having two and the timing of when we'd have them.

I'm not saying that the people who asked me this were out of line but like I said it was just odd to me. IF robs us of so much. I mean some things are obvious, it robs us of our finances, our intimacy, getting prego the 'ole fashioned-way without planning or thinking but it also robs us of a lot of the small things that I don't think everyone realizes.

In our case at least, we no longer have the choice of deciding how many kids we want...our finances will decide that for us (as in we have to front $15 grand to decide to TRY for a child and still be able to support him/her). We won't get to surprise anyone with news that we're pregnant. This is partially our fault because we were so up-front and honest with everyone that I know everyone knows when we'll be testing. The one thing that it's robbed me of, that I hate, is that I no longer dream. I never think further than the next test or procedure or blood draw. If the test comes back positive, I haven't even looked up to see when my due date would be, thought about childcare or names or nurseries...all things I already had planned out when we first started trying.

So how many kids do we want? We would feel truly blessed with one child to raise to the best of our ability but we'd be happy with however many God wanted to grant us with.

7 comments:

Josey said...

Ooh, you hit the nail on the head with that one. We used to think three...then two... now I'm just praying we'll get the chance and the money to try for one. I hate IF.

Cecilia said...

Beautiful response. :o)

kayee said...

So true. IF has def robbed us of those "dreams" as well. Same with us - everyone knew we were doing IVF, so when the positive result came, it was a "well that's a good start." No "OMG, I can't believe it!" or other shouts of shock.
And during this pregnancy, which you will soon see - :) - IF has still robbed me of the joy. I unfortunately am still little bitter towards those who are due around me that got pregnant at a drop of the hat. I know that is a selfish feeling, but its the life of an IFer that I STILL live.

Christa said...

It's so crazy that yesterday DH and I were talking about hypotheticals and how we'd love twins to take off the pressure of wanting more than one kid...but we do agree that we'll take what we can get at this point and that it sucks so much that we have no control over any of this anymore.

And yeah, IF and sadly multiple losses have made us lose out on the excitement of a BFP. Of course we'd be excited now, but it wouldn't be a naive or pure excitement. Just guarded.

Sucks. All of this.

Angie said...

I agree, beautiful response xoxo

Kim said...

I just laugh when people ask me how many - it seems like a joke to me. I am sure they naively dont know any better, but I just want to say "Seriousely?" !!!!!!!

Conceptionally Challenged said...

Sigh. It's one of those unexpected hard questions. However many we'll be lucky enough to have...