Thursday, December 30, 2010

Next Cycle...Whenever That May Be

I already know a few things I'm going to do different on the next cycle, if/when we ever get there. First off, after my marathon, I didn't work out, I didn't eat right so starting January 1, I'm going to start working out and eating right until the day of the cycle. I think this was a HORRIBLE time of year to do this because hello! Sugar every where, not to mention getting the news of a BFN three days before Christmas is NOT any fun. I've already got a couple races lined up for the spring so that'll be motivation. Plus add in snow and ice storms does not make for taking it easy and not slipping down stairs or sidewalks. I was like a granny holding on to cars, poles, DH.

The other thing is that I joke, but I'm half serious, is that I'm spending the 2ww away from DH. He was a major stressor to me, maybe because he was stressed too. Plus I don't think he was the most sympathetic to me about the shots or driving or doctor's appointments or all the things jammed up my vajayjay. The night before I went to test, he told me I didn't know what stress was. I looked at him and said, he was! Honestly though, he was great throughout the cycle and after the BFN, sometimes we both just push each other's buttons at the wrong time.

Next time, I'm not going to announce to the world our every little move. I was hesitant to show some people the pics of the embryos and u/s but I did, now I regret it. I hate having told everyone when we were doing it. It was a great way for me to vent and worry and get feedback and the support/encouragement/prayers were awesome but I also felt a little like we were jinxing ourselves.

I'm going to try to go into the next cycle with an "I don't care" attitude. As in, I'm not going to stress if I don't know the doc doing the FET or I don't know the nurse that's calling or that my appointment wasn't exactly when I thought it would be. Next time, I'm going to have DH take the day off and be with me during the "find out" day.

I still probably won't dream or think further than the next procedure or appointment or blood draw. I am going to be realistic and start thinking about living a life with DH without children. I told one of my friends, maybe I would just turn into the crazy dog lady and she told me I already had the crazy part down. So there are just some of my thoughts for what I'm going to do differently with the next cycle...whenever that may be.


Kim said...

I love that you have already done a review and know what worked and didn't work this past cycle. I think this is a definately a journey where we learn as we go, the doctors, us, our spouses. And each time we are better equipped to face the task at hand, that much wiser.

I like your observations and planned changes. They can only help to make the cycle less stressful, and I really..I think the less stress, the better. It's so easy to get tied up in the sono's and numbers and doctors decisions.....any really much of that doesnt matter. All that matters is we want a baby and who cares how we get there! So I will be here to help you "ommmmm" it up next cycle (as they say in yoga).

I know nothing is concrete yet, but I am already excited for your next cycle!

Oh regarding the exercise, I am with you. I basically stopped when I started treatments and that is unacceptable, I need to get back into shape, so I can continue if and when we get pregnant. Bring it ON!