Friday, December 31, 2010

Goodbye 2010!!!

Yes, today is the last day of 2010 and it couldn't come soon enough! First off, yesterday, DH and I got my belly button ring in all by ourselves! I guess that was officially the last thing of IVF that we had left, that weird little plastic thing stuck in my belly button.

The week I got my BFN, that was the third failed IVF cycle I knew of in a week, a friend's third IUI cycle failed and a co-worker of mine miscarried at 15 weeks on Christmas Eve where they found out it was a little boy. Sigh...the week of Christmas was NOT a good week for babies or potential mommies.

I'm doing MUCH better. I don't wake up wanting to cry or crying at the drop of a hat, I do get sad sometimes at night when I get to missing our babies. I hate the picture of DH and I that's hanging in our bedroom where we put the u/s pic, that's all I can picture when I look at it now.

I think we could afford to do the FET cycle right now if we wanted but I'm pretty sure DH and I are still wanting to wait. The day we got the BFN, my insurance "decision" was due at work for 2011, not that our insurance has any IF coverage. We had decided if we got a no, we'd switch to the lower insurance (am I repeating this story, just skim if I am) option which would save us about $1,000/year but the, oh crap I can't think of the word now, out of pocket expense would be higher...deductible!!! So if we did the FET right away and it worked, we'd be screwing ourselves plus like I said, emotionally I don't think I could handle another BFN back to back. Also if we wait, we'll have more in our savings so we won't have bare minimums which makes me feel much better. So a 6-10 month wait until the FET is ahead of us.

I guess my blog will be quiet for awhile since I won't have anything to blog about but I'll still be checking in to see when you all get your BFPs and then to follow your new journey. If you miss me too much, feel free to email me and I'll send you the address to my other non-IF blog so you can read about my furbabies and the crazy things we do besides IF. I'm taking a temporary break from there right now because I just was so over/underwhelmed (does that make sense?) with the BFN that I couldn't force myself to write happy thoughts or recipes or post about the holidays when I just wasn't feeling it. It's amazing, I didn't take as single picture at any Christmas events this year. I was just so upset about the BFN and thinking about traditions and not having kids to share Christmas with that I really didn't feel like nor did I want to document Christmas in pictures at all this year. My SIL wanted a picture and I straight up refused, luckily, she got the hint and didn't bring it up again.

I'm "officially" starting my diet and half-marathon training again on Monday. I think back to my marathon in October and what I just imagine how much better I would have done if I'd lost 20 lbs or so. I told DH after the marathon was over that maybe if I lost a set weight, I'd start training for a marathon again. So here's my pledge, if I ever get down to egg donor weight (130-140) then I will train for another marathon. Don't hold your breath people, that would be a weight loss of about 70 lbs...not sure that's going to happen, at least not any time soon.

So my goals for 2011:

*Run in two half-marathons (one in May and one in June) beating my time of 2:46 from last June. I would love a sub 2:40 but we'll see.
*Beat my time in the stairclimb I'll be doing in March (42 flights of stairs.
-Side note, I may be a big girl but big girl here can run half & full marathons, climb 42 flights of stairs AND produce 16 eggs-so what now!?!
*Lose at LEAST 30 lbs.
*Go six months (not in a row) of no desserts (I haven't decided if the Jello 6o calorie pudding will count or not because I have a major sweet tooth and I need SOMETHING to curb that after dinner).
*Find a church where I can work on my relationship with God to gain understanding and acceptance for the challenges put before me.
*Be at peace and be positive about our FET.
*Get a BFP!

So goodbye 2010 and hello 2011! I've got the hog jowl and black eyed peas ready to make for New Year's Day and I'm ready to embrace the New Year.

What are your NY traditions and goals for 2011?


Angie said...

I'm so glad you're feeling better and that this year is over for you. I love your goals and think they are great ones. You will be pregnant once day I just know it! It'll be that much sweeter for you after the struggles you've endured. I luv ya girl!

COME ON BABY said...

Woman send me the link to your other blog!!! I can read about fur babies all day and night :) Thank God for fur babies!!!

Happy New Year sweetie. 2011 has got to be a better year for ALL of us!!!!!!!!!


Christa said...

I'm glad you're healing; I am so glad you've stuck around too. I tend to hide from the blog world when things don't go as planned. Thanks for being such a big supporter - I hope that whatever you choose to do makes you happy and that it works out! (((Hugs)))

Cecilia said...

6 months of NO DESSERT???!!! That's ludicrous. I say the pudding definitely does not count. Great goals, and I admire you for how you are able to push things aside and find a positive outlook. You have one of the best attitudes and sweetest personalities of anyone I know.