Tuesday, November 8, 2011

What a Day...

August 30, 2011 11:00AM
Probably more than you wanted to know but my bowels have been all over the place! Sunday I had diarrhea and I figured that was just from nerves and eating. Then the past two days I've been constipated. When I did the fresh cycle, they warned me about being constipated but they didn't say anything this time. I took it upon myself to purchase fiber bars and add some apple juice into my diet. No clue if it's just me or the meds or what!

Yesterday I was sitting at my desk when the overwhelming smell of chemicals starting seeping into the room. I asked the maintenance guy what he sprayed in which, as he always does, he starts to go off about how he'll spray whatever he wants and he'll spray it every day blah blah blah. I calmly got up, left the office and walked around the building. When I got back, I asked a co-worker what exactly she said. When she finished telling me, I could feel my blood pressure rising when I told her, well if he wants to give me $5 grand for my fertility treatments then he can spray all the chemicals he wants but in the mean time, BACK OFF! Geesh!

My aunt has been really sick but it’s finally coming to an end. My sister wanted me to go visit her last weekend but we had the transfer so I just played it off as we were busy. Tonight my mom called and said if she made it through the night, they were going to put her on hospice in the morning. In the voicemail, she told me I really needed to come down. I talked to DH and we both agreed that in the effort to not get stressed, it would be best if I did not go. As though that decision wasn’t hard enough, we knew the only way to not go was to tell my family what we were doing which is exactly what we did NOT want to do. I headed to the bedroom and called my mom then my sister then my dad. I explained to them all that we were in the middle of fertility treatments and that, yes I was being selfish, but we thought it was the best interest to not come. Seriously, I get SO emotional at funerals whether I know the person very well or not. At DH’s grandpa’s funeral, I cried like a little baby and I’d only met the man once. They all understood and my dad tried to reassure me it wasn’t selfish, that it was DH and I’s future and we had to do what was best for us.

Now before you start thinking how cold hearted I am, let me give you some info about this relationship. Growing up, I was super tight with my aunt and my cousins. In 2002, my grandma passed away, lines were drawn and the relationships kind of frozen. I always talked to my cousins and such but we no longer saw each other on a regular basis, heck we didn’t even see each other every year! In the past 2 years, I’ve been down there twice to visit. My uncle died the day after my wedding so I didn’t get to make it to his funeral because we were leaving on our honeymoon.

I feel really bad about not going down there but I know I’d be an emotional mess. I’m an adult though and I have to realize that I have to make the best decision for me and my family, not what everyone else wants me to do or expects me to do. I love you Aunt Gee and I’ll always remember the good times together!

So whew! What a day!!!


Jessica White said...

given the history...I can't say as I blame you for not going. When I was working maintenance would do that constantly and then get annoyed that we would complain and close our doors.

Angie said...

I wouldn't feel bad at all for not going. Don't worry about it my friend.

Emily @ablanket2keep said...

I don't think I would feel bad about not going. You did what was best for you in your current situation and that is the best thing you can do for yourself. It is totally not selfish.

Angie said...

Would not feel guilty for not going, given your history and everything going on right now. You have to do what's best for you and your family. Sorry about the chemicals - that's just crazy. That guy needs to lay off!