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Sunday, November 6, 2011

Back to Work

August 29, 2011
Back to work today…I woke up not feeling anything so I got disappointed. My boobs are still sore from PIO as are my hips, it kills me to sit too long. It’s like I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t…I want to feel cramping because I know something’s going on but at the same time, I don’t because I don’t want it to be Flo coming. I emailed Bobbi to ask if she “felt” pregnant at all during the 2ww. At talking to her, Googling and freaking out, my conclusion: it’s a crap shoot and I just have to wait.

Last night was the VMAs and I’m SO over Beyonce already. Seriously? That belly rub was a slap in the face and then it was all over the ‘net this morning. I’m also REALLY missing you guys. I want to ask questions pick your brains and have your support but it’s my choice to keep things quiet so this is what I have to deal with.

I think part of my bad attitude was that once, ONLY ONCE, when I wiped yesterday was very minimal, little discharge…like so little that you wouldn’t even notice if you weren’t looking for it. Last time, I had a big glop of discharge in one wipe so that’s kind of freaking me out. Then I woke up this morning and no cramps, nothing. Around lunch time, I could feel minimal cramps but again, is this all just in my head?

Ladies, you don’t understand (well actually probably most of you do), I REALLY want this to work. If it doesn’t, I don’t know where we’ll go from here, whether we start over or say we’re done or what. I worry that we just spent a ton of money and there’s more to the problem than we thought but ugh…not going there, staying positive! This IS going to work!!! Only nine more days until beta…

6 comments:

Angie said...

Stay strong hon, this WILL work!

SLESE1014 said...

NINE!!! OMG....I don't want to wait....I'm seriously impressed at how you were able to go through this without sharing...There is no way I could go silent again....keeping my fingers crossed

Emily said...

Yes, stay strong. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

COME ON BABY said...

Sweetie I hope the next nine days fly by. I am so proud of you. I totally know the crazy sh@t going on in your head right now. I know how so very hard it is to push those crazy thoughts away and just let what is to be, be. The what ifs are torture. Ahhhhh the joy of infertility. You pop in my head a million times a day and I pray for the very best. Xoxoxo

A Divine Day said...

Sooooo hoping it worked!! Fingers crossed! And prayers:)

Kim said...

9 days! Muahahahaah! Well at least your past it now, and its just us waiting. It had to be the most torturous 2 weeks of your life!