Constant 2ww

October 6, 2011
I apologize now because this post is going to be gross but I want to document every detail. So yesterday, I came to work and everything was fine and dandy until I went to the bathroom. I had spots in my underwear and I wiped there was thick, brown discharge. I calmly wiped until it was gone then found a pad in my purse and put it on. I went to my car and called Dr. Val’s office. It wasn’t until I started to speak that I could hear the tears and panic in my voice. I ended up talking to Dr. K’s nurse who asked me if I’d had sex recently or lifted anything heavy, had I been constipated, etc…I told her I went to the Cards game the night before so I probably stood more than normal and that I’d been back and forth constipated and diarrhea ever since my transfer. She said to increase my fluids and as long as there was no cramping, pain or red blood then it sounded normal and some people spot their whole first trimester. You prego people out there that spot during your pregnancy and never told me? Well, you suck!

I started drinking more water and googling and I did find that this was normal so I felt much better. As the day went on and there was no more when I wiped or on the pad, I began to think maybe I’d freaked out and it wasn’t really discharge. I laid down at 8pm and fell asleep until 10. At 10, I got up and got on the computer for about an hour then headed back to bed. However, my power nap never really let me get into a deep REM. Around 2am, DH got up to get something to drink so I got up to pee and when I wiped: brown. NO!!! It wasn’t thick like that morning, it wasn’t in my panties, it was only there when I wiped. I wiped three more times and it was still there. I went to the kitchen almost in tears and told DH. He wanted to see so I showed him. He told me it was brown and asked if I didn’t understand how my body was going to change during pregnancy. Yes, apparently my husband is now an expert in pregnancy.

I think I *maybe* fell asleep between 3-4am but the rest of the time, I was tossing and turning and getting up to wipe and check. DH finally yelled at me, “You’re going to wipe yourself raw!” I think that’s when I fell asleep.

When I got up in the morning, nothing in the pad but still there when I wipe. I haven’t had any cramps or pain so I figured I was okay, still freaked out, but okay. I do feel like stretching in the uterus but I wouldn’t call it cramps. Then I made the mistake of Googling and found one post out of hundreds that said it was normal, but the one post stuck out to me and now I want to cry. It said she had brown discharge then nothing all day then it came back during the night. No cramping, no pain and she had a m/c. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My appointment with the regular OB isn’t for another 12 days. I don’t want to keep calling the office but at the same time, I do want peace of mind! I know this could just be Baby B passing but I just want to know that Baby A is still in there doing great. I mean, how do I leave an appointment on Monday being told Baby A is perfect and a good looking baby to two days later freaking out because I am wiping brown??? Man, I thought the 2ww was bad…the whole first trimester is a constant 2ww!!!

OH this day is getting worst! I had to have a TB test for work so I had to call my OB office to see if it was okay. I call and the nurse says, well, you're not a patient yet so I can't give you medical advice. And then the tears came and I couldn't get them to stop...and the only person I have to call is DH and he wasn't answering. I called Mary and left a message and I'm sure I sounded like on the edge of a breakdown. I still can't stop the tears. DH told me to take a sick day and go home but I have stuff going on today. Ugh...I just want to crawl in bed and for this brown shit to go away!

Geez-I might as well have eaten banana oatmeal yesterday and today! Why? Banana oatmeal is my favorite. I ate it one day during camp and said, today is going to be a good day and it was not...not good at all. So now I avoid banana oatmeal.

In case you're Googling, I am 8w3d.