Pics from the Night Before

Are you guys tired of the night before posts yet? Are you ready for me to get on to the FET? Like I said, I was a madwoman getting everything done and ready before the ET so I have a lot to post. So, thanks for sticking around in the meantime...enjoy the pics!

As I was finishing up blogging, DH walked in the room and grabbed the camera...and wouldn't put it down!

Here's me giving DH the "I'm pumped and can't wait for ET tomorrow...oh and I'm trying not to be stressed!" As you can tell, I hadn't made it to the sheets yet.
After 50 more snapshots and outtakes, I finally started "picking" my nose in hopes that would deter him...
Even our big 'ole black lab covered his face saying, "Come on...no more pictures!!!"

Okay, it's 10:13PM the night before ET and I need to try to get some sleep. Night!

Gearing Up: The Night Before FET

August 25, 2011 7:18PM
Whew! I'm home from acupuncture and can I just say that the last 4 hours have been super weird? Let's go in order...

1. I bought cookies to take to the clinic tomorrow. Don't they look delish?


2. On the way to acupuncture I thought to myself, "Hmm self, know who you haven't talked to lately? Our good friend Jess...I should call her later."

3. Got to acu and met with the new doctor. FYI-she looked NOTHING like her picture online. We chatted for awhile and then she did my accuscan. She laughed and said, "Good thing you came today, the stress is showing through." Um...yes, compare, shall we?

The right is from a early August and the left is from today-yikes!Last time a couple things were off, today EVERYTHING was through the roof. I mentioned all the meds I was on and she said it might be that. I think because she told me I was stressed, made me EVER MORE stressed and I could barely relax. Usually during acu, I doze right off but I couldn't today. I listened to their mediation music for the first 15 minutes but my mind was racing a mile a minute about everything I needed to do. So the last 15 minutes I grabbed my MP3 player and listened to my music so I could focus on the words.

Oh and then the fee got jacked up again without being told. I said no, it's $35 and that's all she charged me. Wonder if that would work with Dr. Val...

4. As I was pulling into the driveway, my phone suddenly beeped that I had notifications and my heart sank because I thought it was the clinic. I looked and it was my friend Jess (see #2). How weird is that? I called her and we made small talk and then I said, "So are you pregnant?" to which she replied, "Dammit, why won't any of you let me tell you?" I guess we'd all guessed before she had a chance to. We chatted for a bit about that and Words with Friends. Then she said, "I know you're not telling anyone when you're doing your FET but I really hope it works so we can do prego stuff together." I know Jess is probably sh**ing her pants right now when she realized she called me the day before my ET and told me her news.

5. In other baby related news, the support group I am a member of on FB had two confirmed pregnancies so that's got to be a good sign, right?

6. I know you're supposed to wear funky socks to your doctors appointments. Well, last time no socks worked for me and this time it's eleventy billion degrees outside. So instead I decided to paint my toenails (sorry for the pic Jess). Yes, I know I don't have a future as a pedicurist but I was trying to save some $$$ by doing it myself.

7. At this time, almost everything is crossed off my to-do list. I still have to put the fresh sheets on the bed, stop by Blockbuster tomorrow so I can have my Twilight movie marathon this weekend and take a good shower and pick out an outfit. I also need to get my estrace refilled but I want to wait until after the transfer tomorrow. I figure this will give DH something to do while I'm laying around taking it easy.

So that's it ladies! Fingers crossed for my tots to thaw well and a successful ET! Will update you all later.

The Agony of Waiting

August 25, 2011 3:02PM
Well, we're scheduled for tomorrow at 12:45pm. No idea how the tots are doing. When I'd talked to Mary last week, she said they would call in the late afternoon...they called me once at 10am and once at 11:30am, my heart racing both times. The odd thing is that they called my work number and didn't even try my cell...weird! Anyways, the first time they wanted to know how I wanted to pay. I was like, I want to know how my tots are before I pay for anything. She said she wouldn't run the card until next week. Then at 11:30, my favorite nurse V called and gave me directions for tomorrow. I couldn't ask much since I was at my desk with everyone around to hear but I was able to ask, "How's everything doing?" To which she replied, we haven't even thawed them yet!!! OH the agony of waiting!!!

So I said, basically I don't want to hear from you again until we get there and she said correct. I've been toting my phone around everywhere hoping it doesn't ring. I've already got cookies from the bakery to take in tomorrow, dinner set out to thaw for tomorrow night (throwing it in the crockpot) and half my toes painted. I felt like I have 100 things to do before tomorrow but since we don't have to leave the house until 11:45am, I'm leaving some stuff for tomorrow morning so that I can busy myself and not sit around stressing. I'm headed out in a few minutes for my acupuncture appointment but I'll post again with everything I'm doing to prep (pictures included!).

I just want tomorrow to come so I know my tots are okay and we can move forward with the ET. Reading the post I did on them in December is very encouraging and I looked back at pictures of DH and I from December-wow, we were chunks! Hopefully being in better physical shape will help. I know to not overfill my bladder tomorrow so hopefully the transfer will be a much better experience than last time. Okay, I have to stop rambling or I'll be late!

Nerves

August 24, 2011
It's the Wednesday before the scheduled ET and can I just say that I'm a hot mess??? Last night, a friend of mine told me to be careful about bikram yoga because it can cook your ovaries. Well, I've spent the last month doing it thinking I was getting myself ready in baby shape. I fretted the whole way home and couldn't wait to get on the Internet to research only to find...mixed opinions. Le sigh...

I have SO much stuff I need to do before the ET but I'm putting it off. Why? Because I'm paranoid that they're going to call and tell me bad news about my tots and thawing. I don't want to do all these errands and get stuff to prepare and then have it sit around and taunt me.

BUT as I learned in bikram yoga, that despite what I read I feel like it helped me relax, no one can take my peace away. I figure my tots made it to day 5 and looked awesome. Dr. Val called them beautiful embryos. And seriously, it's a part of me and I'm a fighter so therefore my babies are too!

I'm so grateful to be helping with Midwest Infertility Awareness and the conference. It has kept me busy and kept my mind off thinking about the ET. When I get pregnant, I'll deliver at 29 which is the age that my mom had me and my sister had my niece. My niece and the babes will be 8 years apart, like my sister and I. I'm in much better physical condition. DH and I are in a much better place together. I'm feeling REALLY good! Now all I have to do is make it to Friday morning to get those babies placed inside me where they belong and we'll all be good to go!

Medrol

August 22, 2011
Added Medrol to the mix today. I'm supposed to take 8 mg twice a day. Good thing Mary called out the 8 mg to me because see what my tabs are:
Yep, 16 mg. Apparently, the 8 mg tabs are hard to come by so most pharmacies either give you 4 mg or 16mg. So I have to cut the pill in half and take half in the AM and half in the PM. Thank you Mary for pointing that out to me!!! I only take these this week Monday-Friday and stop on transfer day. This pill has a gross taste to it, probably because I have to cut it in half.

Today I'm feeling crampy and my thighs are KILLING me. I think it's because I did yoga yesterday but who knows. Also, DH made me bleed bad with the PIO shot this AM. :( Here's to hoping tomorrow we don't get any blood from the shoot and to no more sore legs!

Good Morning Meds!

August 21, 2011
The alarm was set bright and early for 5:45am on a Sunday morning. I got up right away when the alarm went off, fired up the laptop and tended to the furbabies. When I got back, I quickly found the Freedom Fertility video for administering PIO-God Bless 'em for their videos but not always their prices! DH got to watching the video and getting the shot ready while I headed into the bathroom with a giant glass of water to wash down my "breakfast" which consists of 2 pills of Zithromax, 1 prenatal, 1 estrace and 1 low dose aspirin:
As though the first picture doesn't do the pill size justice, here it is covering up all the writing on the bottom of the pill bottle:
Funny when DH starting drawing up the shot, I was only doing a 1/2 CC today and then full 1 CC the rest of the time starting tomorrow, I confused him. We had to search through all the needles and pull up my blog post about PIO from the fresh cycle and then we were good to go...so see there is a method to my madness as to how I document everything!

PIO up close and personal!

All went well with day one of tons of meds and PIO! I was going to yoga with some girlfriends later that day so I didn't eat much and my stomach was UPSET, like I felt like I was going to barf. I stopped to get gas and grabbed some Honey Nut snack mix and all was well. Mary did tell me no yoga after the transfer so starting tomorrow, I'll probably just be watching what I eat and taking short dog walks around the block. DH did a fantastic job as always administering the shot and our big black lab was there for me to hold on to.

It's getting real people! This is the build-up and excitement I was waiting for...here we go!!!

Let's Talk About Sex

August 20, 2011
To my friends and family that may be reading this, this post is about sex. I'm warning you now so if you don't want to read about it then you should stop here. If you brave the waters and continue on, let's agree to not discuss this in person, k?

You IFers out there know that during treatment sex, ironically enough, is limited. DH has been driving me CRAZY the past couple weeks due to lack there of. Finally, when Mary called yesterday, I said, "I'm totally asking this on my husband's behalf...can we have sex this week before the transfer?" I could feel my cheeks turning bright red even though we were on the phone and not face to face. She was thinking it out loud and then finally I said, "Okay, what about this weekend? Can we at least have sex this weekend then nothing for...however long?" And FYI-it might be a LONG time. She agreed to sex this weekend (umm...that kind of sounded dirty but you know what I mean).

Mary and I finish up our convo and I call DH. "Great news! Lining looks good so we're on for transfer next Friday AND we can have sex this weekend!" I don't know what he was more excited about-lol!

Okay, I have to go get all my meds set out for tomorrow AM since we're shooting at 6am. I'll probably set the alarm a little before 6 so we can watch the PIO shot video again. Wish us luck! Update about meds tomorrow!

Hello Wandie, Remember Me?

August 19, 2011 (Exactly two months ago!)
I was off work today to burn vacation and also had to go get blood work and u/s done. I woke up, took a shower, chatted with DH and debated about whether to wear my "baby dust" earrings that I wore to every appointment during our fresh cycle. I finally left sans earrings because this time around I'm doing everything different.

I got to the clinic and my the spot I normally park in was taken-PERFECT! I head upstairs and I wasn't the first in the room-GREAT! So far so good...I chatted with the receptionist like we were old buddies and did the same with the blood draw nurse and the u/s tech. Now let me explain that these three ladies tend to be a little cranky but I got ALL of them to smile, it was pretty awesome! As soon as the tech put wandie in me, she said, "We're checking the lining here and it looks pretty good!" AWESOME!!! Remember back during the fresh cycle and that damn lupron bleed wouldn't come? At least then I knew what to expect, this time being on just pills I had no idea.

When I left the office, I rode down with another lady who left the clinic. I thought we'd gotten off on the wrong floor and told her, yeah I only go to the third floor and out. I laughed and told her how DH and I wandered around the whole building when we came for IVF orientation which then sparked her to ask questions. She is just starting her journey so we stood outside and I told her what I knew and answered her questions about IVF. It was nice, today I felt comfortable and welcome at my clinic, not rushed and anonymous, it was nice.

I headed home and about 5 minutes onto the road my phone rings. I was thinking, "Dang! They're processing stuff FAST today." It wasn't the lab but it was a lady I had contacted about donating to the Midwest Infertility Conference. For the next 20 minutes, she and I discussed the conference, our journeys, the feelings along the journey...it was just a good phone call to have! She wished me the best and said she'd pray for me, which as you all know is one of the best things you can do for a friend going along this path.

A little after 1pm, I got the call from Mary that all looked well and we were scheduled for transfer the following Friday (August 26). The lab would call me late Thursday to give me an exact transfer time and we just pray that our tots thaw nicely and continue to divide so we can move forward!!! I do NOT want the phone call on Friday to turn around and go home but I'm being positive so I'm not going to think about that.

Then Mary went on to tell me about my meds...HOLY pills!!! I throught 3 a day estrace was tough...add in Medrol, which I have to cut in half-that'll be DH's job twice a day, aspirin in the AM and PIO shots. The good news is that we can pick the time for PIO!!! Just has to be the same day, every day...hopefully for the next 13 weeks! DH and I discussed and I think we're going to go with 6am because we're generally always together at 6am and it's easier to plan around that vs 6pm.

So good news all around!!! I'm feeling really super good about this!!! Bring on my tots, let's get this party started!

The Build Up

August 18, 2011
Wow! I already have a doctor's appointment for this Friday for bloodwork and u/s to check my lining. That means hopefully one week from Friday it'll be transfer time and then the 2ww! I can't believe it's already that soon, I don't feel like we've done anything this time around.

A fresh cycle of IVF takes two full cycles, this time it only takes one. Fresh takes lots of shots on the dot EVERY night. This time I pop 3 pills a day and that's it. I told DH the other night that it's crazy because the build up isn't here this time around. He said he liked it because it's going to be like nothing then....BAM! You're pregnant. LOL! Let's hope he's right.

So cross your fingers for a good report on Friday, pray for our totsicles who are waiting for us, and hope that we remember how to give PIO shots! Guess we'll be spending the weekend watching videos on that.

Don't Drink the Water

August 17, 2011
Three, yep three pregnancy announcements in 24 hours. Of course, I'm counting Hilary Duff as one but hey, it still counts, right? The other two are people that come to my work on a regular basis. Since my work is the "baby factory," seriously, there's ALWAYS someone here that's prego or their spouse is, the 'ole "don't drink the water" comment comes up...A LOT! Seriously? I drink about 48-72 ounces of water from that non-cold (we argue about this EVERY day at work) water fountain EVERY DAY. So all I have to say is...what's up with that?

My Furbabies

August 16, 2011
Today I had to take the furbabies in for their annual check-up. It's a doozie walking a 100 lb lab and 60 lb mutt with stool samples (and collecting along the way!) the half mile to the vet's office. As we safely crossed the busy intersection, it hit me. Back in December when we were going through our fresh cycle, I knew that I'd be due end of July/early August. One of the things I thought about was that I knew the furbabies had their annual appointments every August. I've always been the more compassionate one when it comes to them so I didn't want to miss it. In my mind, I was already planning how DH would have to watch the baby (ies) while I took the furbabies. I didn't want to neglect them just because the babies had come along. Yet here I was walking across them to the vet myself, not worrying about who was watching the baby. Isn't it crazy weird the things you think of?

To My Dear Husband

October 11, 2011
To the man who puts up with me no matter my mood, my dreams, my attitude, my weight, my morning breath, and my fears.

To the man who can stick a needle in my butt without me realizing it, who can draw up menopur as though it's his every day job, and who stares so intently at the u/s screen as our embies are placed inside me.

To the man who drives me insane by his midnight snacking, the dirt he tracks into the house, and the way he can't say no to anyone.

To the man who has taught me to love purely, to shoot a gun, and to live life to its fullest.

To my dear husband, today I wish you the happiest of days as we celebrate our three years of marriage. It's crazy to think everything we've been through in those three years but I wouldn't wish to have anyone else but you by my side.

Let's never let go of our each other or hope, deal?

Coming Back?

August 15, 2011
As I've stated before, I run summer day camp among many other hats I wear but camp is my main focus and busy time of year. Since camp has ended and my sanity has returned, I've had 2 camp parents and a camper ask if I'm coming back next summer. If/when the FET gives us a BFP, I will be due in the spring and would technically miss part of camp. I'm hoping, and looking at this as a sign because I have never been asked that before in the past. Cross your fingers!!!

Harder Than You Think

August 10, 2011
Estrace is harder than you think! I was all excited because I didn't have to be home every night between 6-7pm to take multiple shots. Sweet, right? Instead, I have to take these teeny tiny pills every 6 hours...at 6am, 12pm and 6pm. Easy, right? OMG! NOT!!!

This is way harder than you think! The first couple days I was just trying to remember on my own. I would look at the clock at like 10 til then in 10 minutes, I would totally forget and by the time I remembered it was like 5-10 past. So then I decided to put a reminder on my email for the noon pill. I finally broke down and set my phone to have the alarm go off at 6am, 12pm and 6pm. It's working but the only bad thing is if I leave my phone in the car, it'll go off until you silence it AKA kill the battery. Not to mention the alarm scares the bejeezus out of me every time because it's so loud and not expected.

I also only have 1 bottle of pills and I seriously carry it around with me EVERYWHERE. At night it goes on the sink and I take with my prenatal in the morning. Then I put it in my pocket and I jingle around pills all day. So far in less than one week, I've forgotten them twice and had to turn around and go home. The first time I was still on our street so it was a quick turn around and I was good to go. Today I was halfway to work and had to turn around and go all the way home. So between remembering what time to take the pills and remembering the pills, it's way harder than you think!!!

I Think I Prefer Lupron

August 7, 2011
Hearing my phone alarm go off three times a day, toting around a pill bottle that shakes in my my pocket and feeling like a drug addict...I think I might prefer lupron to estrace. Remind me I said that when the PIO shots and I'm sure I'll change my mind.

Identity Crisis & Drama

August 6, 2011
Yesterday was the last day of camp! Woohoo!!! DH and I always go to a nice, fun restaurant to celebrate at 6:30pm on the last day of camp. Camp ends at 6pm so that gives me 30 minutes to deal with any issues that come up. It was surprisingly a very, quiet day with no phone calls or drama which was weird not just for the last day of camp but ANY day of camp.

DH and I start to head to dinner and we're about halfway down the street from our house when I remember that I needed my meds to take at 6pm. We turn back around to get them and get back on our merry way. As soon as we get on the highway, his gearshift (he has a manual truck) breaks in HALF!?! Luckily, we were just getting on so we were able to get over very easily. This totally reminds me of the Burning Bush story in the Bible like I forgot my medicine to make sure when the gearshift broke we weren't in the middle of the highway to create an accident. Anyways, after this, the evening kind of went downhill...

Neither of us panicked and we were able to get off the highway and to the car place with no problems. His sister picked us up and took us home and we left again in my car. We got to the restaurant and I got wild and crazy ordering a Shirley Temple (love my caffeine-free, non-alcoholic cocktail!) and then for some reason that neither of us remember, we started fighting and then the rest of dinner was in silence.

We woke up Saturday morning and I took him to work, he was quite the Crabby Abby. I even offered to stop and get breakfast but he denied! Later in the afternoon, we received a mystery box of checks in the mail (silly me thought it was my bank and called all in a huff that I didn't order them and halfway through the convo I realized they were from DH's bank-oops!). I called him to ask about it and then we got to talking. Basically, he sees his other friends in their jobs and lives with more success and is upset about it. I won't go into too many details but it broke my heart. DH works SO hard at anything he does but it seems like he/we can't ever get ahead. The broken gearshift was apparently just the icing on the cake after a long week of other stuff.

As though the broken gearshift and the fighting with DH wasn't enough, I also had to call a camp parent on Saturday morning to deal with an issue. I knew Friday was way too quiet of a way to end camp for the year. Then on the way to dinner as I was taking my med, I told him this was just part of fulfilling his dream and he looked at me and said, "my dream." I didn't create too much of a fuss but I reminded him of all the things he said he wanted to do with his kids. Funny, he's "doing" all this for me (yet I'm the one sucking down the meds and getting shot in the stomach, butt and Lord knows where else!) but he has dreams of kids too.

Sigh...so my husband is having an identity crisis, we have truck and camp drama and I just want no stress please!!!

Estradiol and Prenats

FET is not nearly as pokey as fresh IVF. So far, I'm just taking three teeny, tiny Estradiol pills a day at 6am, 12pm and 6pm to make me not ovulate. I have to admit it that it's a LOT harder to remember to take these pills three times a day vs shooting yourself once a night (well, many shots at one time/night). See how little they are?
Now let's look at the monstor prenatal pill I'm taking:

Sometimes, I'll take this pill at 6am and get to work about an hour later and even though I took it with water, I can STILL feel it caught in my throat so I spend a good 30 minutes just swallowing water to get it down. Then I spend the next hour in the bathroom peeing out all the water!

And We're Off!

FET #1 starting NOW! I woke up on Thursday, August 4 to Aunt Flo. I could tell the day before that my period was coming...bloated, crampy, crabby but my period wasn't supposed to start until the following Monday. When I logged it, I saw that this last cycle was only 24 days long which is the shortest period I've had in the past 2 years since I started logging.

I took my estrace at 6am, put the bottle of pills in my pocket and grabbed my paperwork. I called Mary, Dr. Val's nurse, and right around 10am, she called me back. When I mentioned the short cycle, she said to take a pregnancy test and if it was negative then go on as scheduled. I laughed and asked her if she was serious...she was and I had to do all this before noon when I was supposed to take the next pill.

I run summer day camp so while I may not have children of my own, every summer I'm "mom" to 150 kids and 22 college kids...it definitely keeps me on my toes. On this Thursday, it was the second to last day of camp and we were short staffed. I wasn't at my normal office and I was acting as "director" until the director could arrive. When I got off the phone with Mary, I called DH and told him everything basically summarizing, "I'm in my work polo and I have to find a pregnancy test and take it all before noon. So now I'm on a mission to find the cheapest and most inconspicuous place to buy a test and then take it." I promised him I'd call if it was positive so I'd probably just talk to him after work.

I found the Dollar Store, ran in, got the test, paid in quarters and then the lady just sat it on the counter. She finally realized what it was and asked, "Do you want a bag for that?" Umm...yes please! Okay, mission one accomplished. Next part, smuggle it into the bathroom...done! I get it to the bathroom, get the test out and crap-I need a cup! So I shove it back in my jacket and go find a cup and head BACK to the bathroom. Okay, now we're set!

Normally, no one EVER comes in this bathroom. Today? It was freakin' Grand Central Station and I had to wait 3 minutes for the results. As expected, it came back negative. Can you believe that in our 2 years of "officially" trying this is the first pregnancy test I've ever taken? Not even during IVF #1 did I take one and the only other one I took was when I had a super long cycle right before we "officially" started trying and then my period came like 2 minutes after I took the test. Yeah, trying for almost 2 years and only 2 pregnancies test and neither time did I *really* think I was pregnant. Anyways...

Since my period is almost 4 days earlier, it's pushed EVERYTHING up. So my scheduled ET is a week earlier than expected. It was supposed to be the Friday before Labor Day so perfect, I would just take that Friday off and have a nice long weekend to relax and let my tots find a place to get snug as a bug in a rug. I had switched shifts so that I wouldn't have to do any PIO in the leg, I'd be home every night for DH to stick it in the butt (oh that sounds dirty but it's not). I'd scheduled acupuncture during the 2ww but now it'll be after we already know the results. But you know what? I'm not going to stress or freak out. When I told DH, he was calm and said that we'd make it all work and we will. I'm staying calm because I feel like it's going to work this time and I'm doing everything OPPOSITE than last time i.e. freaking out and stressing over everything! Here's happy thoughts for this FET cycle...

Proof that the p-test only cost $1
What's this mean? "For in-vitro diagnostics use only"

My p-test get-up on the TP holder...never a dull moment! LOL

So here we go again...I'm excited!!! And overwhelmed and nervous and, well, you know all the feelings that come along with it!

FET Cycle

August 6, 2011
As you read this, my FET has already started and we already know whether we got a BFP or BFN. During our first round of IVF, we broadcast it to the world, telling everyone when we were doing everything, showing off our meds, etc...This time around we decided we were going to do things opposite and keep things on the downlow.

I still wanted to document the journey and my thoughts and feelings. Over the next couple months, I'll be post-posting (that's posting my posts during my FET at a later date) so that you can follow the journey and I can remember how I felt and what we did. As I write this on August 6, I'm crossing my legs, fingers, eyebrows, eyes that we're going to get a BFP and that the last post you'll read will be a good one. Thanks in advance for all your comments and prayers and positive thoughts. For those of you that know me IRL, please don't ask me what happened. We'll talk about everything when we're ready.

Here we go friends, hang on because I'm sure it's going to be a bumpy ride!