Sunday, May 16, 2010

Not Infertile Enough

For those of you that know me, and those of you that are just getting to know me, I'm really upset about stupid anon and their comment that basically summed up, I'm not infertile enough in her eyes. First off, I don't WANT to be infertile, I can't help it but we are. I'm sorry that I'm in tune with my body and our medical histories that I knew not to waste time. I guess according to the definition, we aren't infertile but on my second wedding anniversary than I can officially be dubbed that even though after six months of trying our fertility doctor told us our only shot at getting pregnant was through IVF but no, I don't meet the definition so I'm not infertile, just can't get knocked up the good 'ole fashioned way.

I seriously am having problems letting this go. I feel like I've been black balled in the IF world. I won an awesome pair of earring from Baby on Mind and I was so excited when she left me a comment to say I'd won. I called DH at work and told him that maybe our luck was changing and that if/when we have the one and only IVF that we can afford, that it would work. I told him I planned on wearing those earrings to every single meeting, appointment, IVF, everything to bring us good luck and baby dust. Then I got that comment and I no longer feel that I have the "right" to wear them because I don't belong in the IF world because I don't meet the definition.

I feel even more alone NOW than before I started this blog all because one anon reader, who doesn't have the balls to say to my face, much less read any more than my profile, doesn't think I'm infertile enough for her. So now I've set my profile to private which totally negates the whole point of having a blog, which is to relate to each other and give each other encouragement, but I'm going to continue blogging if only for me.

For those of you out there in the IF world, I apologize because I'm at the beginning of my journey and I haven't gone through near as much as you all have and that I don't fit the definition. I'll try not to call myself the IF word until October when I officially meet the definition. For those of you actually reading this, thank you.


Anonymous said...

Oh man, I'm so sorry about the anon commenter. I'm sorry it has you feeling even more left out. IF makes you feel so alone to begin with. I don't care what the definition is...I was even more hysterical in the beginning of my journey when it wasn't working and those months passed by and I KNEW something was going to be wrong. I was soooooo angry and upset and hysterical. I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope you do have good luck when you do IVF. If we were/are to do IVF we'd only have enough money for one as well. The money part sucks just as bad. =(


Conceptionally Challenged said...

I'm so sorry to hear that! What a mean comment. Technically I'm not infertile yet either... but if, after months of trying and several diagnoses, what else do we classify for?
I wish you lots of luck and strength for your journey. And positive comments in these hard times.

Libby said...

I have just found your blog and am starting from the beginning so forgive me for comment so far after posting.

Anon made me scream out loud, my guess, she has 6kids, half were 'accidental' and she has no idea about infertility. I too 'knew' things were wrong early on but we had to wait for the proper time. Everyones journeying is unique though we all share the pain and the heartache. I am so glad you kept blogging, it helps ease my pain when I know that I am not alone.

I shall keep reading until I get up to date and hope that you and all of us finally get our dream, our baby.