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Friday, May 28, 2010

Thoughts and Feelings

Over the course of three days, I think I've felt almost every emotion possibly. Hope, fear, frustration, excitement, disbelief...you name it and I've felt it. Going into our visit with Dr. Val, I had basically ruled out IVF because of cost. Leaving her office, I felt encouraged. Then I was upset with myself for feeling that encouragement because I'm just getting my hopes up for no reason.

Dr. Val said she really felt like it would work for us which really motivated me and made me feel good. Then I had to stop, does she say this to every couple? Would she really say to a young couple like us who is dying to be parents, "Dude, it ain't gonna work."? And who am I kidding, IVF NEVER works the first time especially with our low sperm count, right?

A person in my life has strong beliefs against IVF. They didn't want to do it because they didn't want to tell their kid, "You were a test tube baby." This person made this comment long before my journey began but it always stuck with me. This person has been a huge help, guidance, knowledge, support, strength during my journey. I don't really know how I feel about it yet but I don't feel like I can talk to this person about it any more.

By doing IVF, we won't ever have that "normal" pregnancy feelings...am I pregnant this month? Am I not? OH! By accident we got pregnant! We have one shot...one month...I won't ever get to think my period is late and maybe I'm pregnant. I'm going to wait two weeks and either Flo's coming or she ain't. Yeah, can't wait to "just relax and stay calm" during those two weeks!

I'm sure I'll have even more thoughts, feelings, concerns and a whole lot of research ahead of me. OH! I forgot to mention that if we choose IVF, Dr. Val's office does like a half day orientation so we're all on the same page and know what's going on.

5 comments:

Conceptionally Challenged said...

Hm, I prefer to think "we did everything we could in order to bring you into the world" instead of the test tube concept...
Also, IVF can work with low sperm count (you might need ICSI) -- are you reading http://andtherewerethreeinthefamily.blogspot.com/ ?

Wishing 4 One said...

Its normal to have mixed emotions about IVF. I feel though, for me, it was our miracle! I will be able to tell my son or daughter later what we went through to bring them into our lives. How special they are and what a miracle they are. I hope that if you do do IVF you feel as special as I did. Thinking of you. If you have questions, and if I can answer, feel free to ask anytime. xoxo

~Jess said...

I second "conceptionally challenged" on the thinking "we did everything" rather than test-tube.

One way to think of it is this: Regardless of the method of conception that child is still 100% you and your husband's baby. This is one of those instances when it isn't the journey but the destination.

Crossing My Fingers said...

CC-Yes, Dr. Val said we would need ICSI. Thanks for the blog suggestion, I'm reading it right now.

W4O-Thanks for offer to ask you questions, as we get closer to making our decision, I'm sure I'll have lots!

CC & Jess-I like the way you think!

JC said...

Ya know I never even thought of the "test tube" thing. I never thought about if we did that our child might feel weird about it. It's kinda crazy to me. I agree with the rest who say "we did everything" and wanted you SO BADLY. I mean my parents never told me their conception story and how I was conceived. Idk how realistic it is to tell a child about IVF and how they were conceived. I just never thought about it. But I don't think it's a bad thing and I would be cautious around your friend who is against IVF.

IF has ripped a lot of things away from us. We'll never have even close to the same experience as a "normal" fertile person. F them. ;)