Hanging on a Maybe

2/17/10
Started my period last night...day 28...11pm...total let down. After five months of trying and five months of failing, I try not to even get my hopes up but there's still always that small chance. We used OPK this month but didn't "try" very much due to hives plus the whole pregnancy test at the doctor's office so I knew there was no chance this month but all day yesterday was day 28 (my cycles usual run 26-28) and I hadn't started so I silently started to get my hopes up then bed time rolls around and BAM! HA HA!!! Gotcha...what a good joke, my body cracks up. UGH! I don't even know what to think any more. It's been three weeks (this Friday) since DH's test and still no results. Of course, once I start, I go off on him about how he needs to get in touch with his doctor TOMORROW and find out the freakin' results! I'm sick and tired of hanging on a maybe...just tell me yes, no or here are the options.

After a horrible night of sleep, DH and I are riding to work this morning where I tell him that I feel like I'm all alone in this whole predicament. He doesn't get his hopes up every month to have them crushed and he never really says much about it when I vent or get upset (have I mentioned that DH really isn't a man of many words?). He then says if he could do anything else to get me pregnant, he would and I look at him like he's lost his mind, "THEN call your freakin' doctor, get the test results and have him refer you to someone else!" If I haven't mentioned this before, DH's doctor is a children's doctor he saw when he was younger...he doesn't get it. This doctor takes care of kids, not adults wanting kids, he may have been great and awesome when you were younger but you are no longer his specialty or his priority-move on! Seriously, day one of my period is the worst day ever, you could look at me wrong and I will shoot laser beams out of my eyes burning holes in you, DH could say hey and I'll fly off the handle about why we aren't pregnant...can I just say that this really sucks?