Thursday, November 18, 2010

Trying Really Hard

I'm trying really hard to not get upset today but it's not working. I talked to Mary again today because I was much better, well until I got off the phone, where I could actually speak and ask questions. I asked if there was a reason why my period won't start, she said no, it's just like the watched pot that you want to boil. I asked if my period wasn't here by December 3 if I would still continue with the shots through the rest of the month, she said no. So now we just wait and I call to check in next Tuesday at 1 if Flo's here or not. If she's not here by December 3 then I just wait until January. And to top it all off, Mary kept saying my name wrong which I HATE. I hate when you really like someone or think that you're "friends" with someone then they say/spell your name wrong (FYI-this December marks DH and I's 4 year dating/engaged/married anniversary and he STILL spells my name wrong).

I'm mad at myself because I accidentally posted my post yesterday on my non-IF blog where I have NEVER mentioned my IF or IVF or anything. I deleted it right away but apparently it still shows up in your Google Reader even after I deleted it. I was greeted to an inbox full of bloggers worried and concerned about me which I really appreciate but I hate because now they all look at me differently. I'm sure they really wanted to read about my bleed too, huh?

A "friend" on FB posted this as their status, "I've carried a child within my body (X's 2) . I've slept with babies on my chest. I have kissed booboos, mended broken hearts, been puked on, peed on, spent sleepless nights in a rocking chair but I wouldn't have it any other way. My body isn't magazine perfect (no way), but when I look in the mirror... I...see a mom and there is no greater honor or blessing. Repost if you are proud to be a mom like I am!" Really? I'm too mentally exhausted to comment on this other than to send dagger looks.

Funny thing before two days ago, I would tell everyone, "DH and I are doing IVF." Now it's, "DH and I are trying to do IVF." Because really...we aren't right now. I'm feeling really defeated like this is never going to happen. I'm just so tired of EVERYTHING right now. I'm off work today but I don't think that's a good idea because now I'm just sitting around dwelling on it and I'm afraid to go in public because I could break into tears at any moment. The good thing about yesterday when I got to work, my boss had a pudding parfait for me-it's like she knew! Now the rest of my co-workers, well the ones I worked with in the evening knew I was crabby but continued to press every single button I had.

OH! And I gave myself the shot last night and when I pulled the needle out, a few seconds later some of the med leaked out. Any idea what this means? I read somewhere that it might be because the needle was too close to the skin? I usually push all the med in then wait a few seconds before I pull it out. This is the first time I've noticed this...any suggestions?

Okay, I'm done whining, I won't post any more because I know you all don't want to hear my woe is me. Thanks for listening though!


Aimee said...

I hope Aunt Flo comes soon! :-) Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. See you Saturday!

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry you haven't started yet. And sorry you accidently posted on your non-IF blog. =( That sucks! I really hope things turn up and get going in the right direction. ((hugs))

Jessica White said...

I hope AF arrives NOW! It sucks to be waiting, but it sucks even more to be waiting, to just be waiting again.