Oops! An Extra Injection

Yep, I gave myself an extra injection tonight-oops! DH's sister was coming over for dinner at 6:30 so a few minutes before, we went to get ready. I was in charge of the Lupron and Gonal and DH was in charge of the Menopur. First off, let me start by saying-I HATE AIR BUBBLES!!! For the life of me, I can not flick those little suckers out! So I asked DH to which he gladly did, then handed it back to me and I looked at him wide-eyed, "Babe! I can't use that!!!" It was all crooked and crazy looking.

I go back to the bathroom (I was working in the bathroom and he was working in the bedroom on the dresser), fill up 10 units of Lupron, have DH flick out the air bubbles...gently, then go shoot myself. Then I went ahead and stuck myself with the Gonal pen but it wasn't doing anything. UGH! I'd forgotten to pull out the tab so I stuck myself for no reason!?! Okay, start over and done just as DH says he's ready for the Menopur.

I walk out of the bathroom and stop in my tracks, "WTH!?! That's not the right needle!" DH points, that's what you laid out. He's right, it was what I laid out...22 gauge instead of 27!!! If you're not familiar with the difference, google it-a 22 is ginamourous!!! Okay, got the 27, he shoots me-it went MUCH better than last night. Thanks for the tip Kayee, we didn't bother with the Q cup tonight and DH said the needle worked much better.

In total, since 11/7, I've been stuck 35 times...3 blood draws, 31 injections and 1 injection just for they hey of it. I'm getting stuck again in the morning for another blood draw, hopefully my estradiol is still going up!!!

Menopur-You Suck!

Tonight's menopur shot sucked! I worked late so as soon as I got home it was about shot time. DH wasn't home yet so I gave myself the lupron and the gonal and hopped in the shower hoping he'd be home by the time I got out. He wasn't. Okay, I got the laptop and menopur video pulled up. So far the gonal pen and the lupron all came paired together with their needles. The menopur didn't. The video didn't say what gauge needle to use. I pulled out the directions and read through it, ok 25-27. I search through my box of needles and pull them all out. One bag of 27-sweet! Wait-they aren't attached to a syringe. Hmm...I call DH to ask when he'll be home because I need his help, he says 10 minutes. Okay but now we're cutting it close on time. I am about to panic when I realize-duh, call the pharmacy! He tells me to just switch out the needles on the syringe, throw the one that was it away and he let me know that I could order needles/syringes at any time-they're free! WOOHOO! One thing is free!!!

The menopur and sodium chloride...this one sucks! Let me tell you why...
Okay so for you people out there who aren't familiar with that, which I know I have more readers out there that aren't since I "came clean" on my regular blog, you have to mix menopur and it sucked or maybe just our syringe did, I don't know. I'm just glad DH got home in time to help, although I was VERY crabby with him. So you have to put this Q-cup on the end of the syringe and draw up the sodium chloride. This is the part that sucked because unlike the syringes for the lupron, it was bouncy-does that make sense? Like the other syringes, you pull it to 20 and it stays there. With this one, it wouldn't stay still! Then the Q-cup was super hard to get off and DH actually unscrewed it and I might have yelled at him for that.

So then you take that and put it in the bottle with Menopur, mix it and then pull it back in the syringe with no air bubbles but again, it was bouncing all over the place! We finally *kind of* figured it out then he went to give me the shot and ugh...I don't know that we got the full 75 units! Plus I only have 3 more bottles so I hope I'm not on this long!!! So Menopur, you totally suck! Oh well, moving on, I have a feeling we'll be adding shot #4 sometime this week!

Bring on the Men!

Went for blood work this morning...they opened at 7:30am, I left the house at 6:15am, I got there at 6:50am, they took a 30 second blood draw then I got in the car and drove 45 minutes to work. Yeah, that kind of sucked but you gotta do what you gotta do.

They called this afternoon and my estradiol level is going up, it's at 180 so I was happy about that. I am adding on the Menopur tonight, so three shots tonight and tomorrow night then another blood draw Wednesday morning. I'm going to try to put in extra hours each day this week so I don't have to take any time although I have a TON of it but that's why I have a ton of it because I always try to make my time up instead of using it.

Anyways, on the shot menu tonight:

10 units of Lupron
75 units of Menopur (a little nervous about having to mix and concoct and all that, Freedom Fertility video, here I come!)
150 units of Gonal

Slowly but surely we're making progress!

I Got the Gon

The Gonal-F RFF Pen that is! I started the gonal shots on Friday evening. When DH and I were packing to head to my parents for the weekend, I said I packed the gonal. He got the giggles and started saying, "I hope we don't pass the gon around at Thanksgiving." He's such a nerd sometimes!

Anyways, so Friday night I gave myself the 10 units of Lupron. Then I took the Gonal-F pen and my laptop. I watched the video and did all the steps along with the video. I thought it was weird that I had to wipe the area I shot with gauze instead of an alcohol pad like the Lupron. It did bleed but I expected that since I was using gauze to wipe up...surprised I didn't bleed out chocolate pie! The Gonal-F RFF Pen...on 225 units right now:
All went well until the end of the shot. When I was screwing the lid back on the needle came out of the plastic and stuck me in the finger! Ow-chee-wawa!!! DH was in an intense ping pong game when it was shot time so when I was done, he came to check on me and I told him about the needle. Guess we'll have to watch that! You can see the needle sticking out here.

More bloodwork tomorrow morning and then we'll see where things go from there! Hope you all had a good Thanksgiving weekend!

Conversations with Family

Today is Friday which means we're moving forward with IVF!!! DH and I both took our Zithromax this morning and we add on a second shot tonight. I'll post about that later. First off, let me share some conversations with our families from Thanksgiving.

MIL: Would DH wear this? (It's a green John Deere visor)
Me: I don't think so, I've never seen him wear a visor.
MIL: Would you?
Me: Yeah, I wear visors.
MIL: You should wear just the visor and see what DH does.

After dinner at DH's family, we headed to my mom's house. After turkey dinner #2, we were all in the basement watching tv and my step sis and mom were quilting. On the commercial breaks, I'd mute the tv and make everyone say one thing they were thankful for. During one break, I asked my stepsis if she'd gotten pregnant with both her daughters but IUI. She told me only the oldest and she had a theory about how she got pregnant with her second daughter. Our convo:

Me: Oh, what's the theory?
Stepsis: Is my dad asleep? (My mom checks, he was, or so we thought) Positions, with E (second daughter) we tried it with him behind me.

Room breaks into hysterical laughter as she continues on to tell us why she thought that position worked. My stepdad starts to smile as he was "asleep" then joined the laughter. She finished the convo with, "Maybe you and DH should try that."

So apparently once you tell your families that you're trying to have a baby, they feel all barriers are gone and talk about sex in any way or manner is okay. FYI-it's totally NOT! But I did get some good laughs out of both these conversations.

Happy Friday all!

What I'm Thankful For

During this journey, it can be hard at times to be thankful but at other times, it's overwhelming easy to be. If I finish this journey without a baby, there is one thing that I've learned: there are some amazing people out there that support DH and I. I can't tell you how many times a friend, acquaintance, blog friend that I've never met has simply asked, "How are you doing?" and really meant it. Sometimes I just nod, other times those words send me to tears but the fact that someone cares enough to ask just means the world to me. So even if I've never met you, I thank you for being a part of our journey. This blog, you bloggy people out there are part of my "therapy" that is keeping me from going bananas!

I am also thankful that at "only" six months into our journey, we knew our diagnosis and that our only option was IVF. Granted, I would prefer to just get prego the old fashioned way but I'm thankful that we knew right away and had our answer. In the crazy game of IF, we do a lot of waiting and this is one thing we didn't have to wait for.

Much Better!

Today I had another appointment for an u/s and blood work. Amazing what Aunt Flo can do to you! I felt much better going into this appointment. It probably helped that I had friend who needed to go for blood work too so we carpooled. Funny, I never thought I'd be carpooling to the fert doc!

So I walked in, WAY early but it worked out. I headed to the u/s sound bench (I knew where it was this time!) and saw Tracy but some other lady came out. I was a little bummed it wasn't Tracy but oh well, the other lady was just as nice. She pointed stuff out on the screen to me and said everything looked good. I had 10 small follicles on the left ovary and 6 on the right (maybe because I'm right handed so I use that side more is why there was less? That's my non-medical guess). That was SUPER encouraging!

Then I headed to get blood drawn. There was a lady in there right before me and I think she might of thought she was prego. She was all excited and so were the nurses. The girl in line behind me had braces so see IF hits all of us...black, white, braces, no braces, short, tall, skinny, fat. Speaking of FAT...the nurse took me to weigh me before she drew my blood. I got a little panicky because I hadn't been weighed since my first consult back in April. In my mind I was thinking, they weren't going to let us move forward because I weighed too much. I asked the lady and she said they weigh you to help watch so you don't hyper stimulate-whew! I told her okay and I was just glad she weighed me TODAY before Thanksgiving and not next week-yikes! She drew the blood and then I was on my way.

I had a few errands to run in a town we passed through but both places were closed. As we were looking for the second, we saw a new cupcake place and HAD to stop! Peanut butter cupcakes make everything better!

Mary called this afternoon and said I was good to go and then gave a little woohoo! I laughed and said I was much better than when I talked to her last, she said she could tell. So tonight and tomorrow still 20 units of lupron then on Friday DH and I both take Zithromax and I decrease to 10 units of lupron. I also add in 225 units of Gonal then head back in Monday for another blood draw. Seriously, my veins are so sore but I'm not complaining!!! Definitely thankful for the great news today and excited to move forward on Friday. OH! I asked her if I needed to order another box of lupron since I went longer and she said since I was decreasing to 10 units, it *should* get me through so more good news! I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving. IF sucks and is hard but I still have a lot to be thankful for.

Much Better!

Today I had another appointment for an u/s and blood work. Amazing what Aunt Flo can do to you! I felt much better going into this appointment. It probably helped that I had friend who needed to go for blood work too so we carpooled. Funny, I never thought I'd be carpooling to the fert doc!

So I walked in, WAY early but it worked out. I headed to the u/s sound bench (I knew where it was this time!) and saw Tracy but some other lady came out. I was a little bummed it wasn't Tracy but oh well, the other lady was just as nice. She pointed stuff out on the screen to me and said everything looked good. I had 10 small follicles on the left ovary and 6 on the right (maybe because I'm right handed so I use that side more is why there was less? That's my non-medical guess). That was SUPER encouraging!

Then I headed to get blood drawn. There was a lady in there right before me and I think she might of thought she was prego. She was all excited and so were the nurses. The girl in line behind me had braces so see IF hits all of us...black, white, braces, no braces, short, tall, skinny, fat. Speaking of FAT...the nurse took me to weigh me before she drew my blood. I got a little panicky because I hadn't been weighed since my first consult back in April. In my mind I was thinking, they weren't going to let us move forward because I weighed too much. I asked the lady and she said they weigh you to help watch so you don't hyper stimulate-whew! I told her okay and I was just glad she weighed me TODAY before Thanksgiving and not next week-yikes! She drew the blood and then I was on my way.

I had a few errands to run in a town we passed through but both places were closed. As we were looking for the second, we saw a new cupcake place and HAD to stop! Peanut butter cupcakes make everything better!

Mary called this afternoon and said I was good to go and then gave a little woohoo! I laughed and said I was much better than when I talked to her last, she said she could tell. So tonight and tomorrow still 20 units of lupron then on Friday DH and I both take Zithromax and I decrease to 10 units of lupron. I also add in 225 units of Gonal then head back in Monday for another blood draw. Seriously, my veins are so sore but I'm not complaining!!! Definitely thankful for the great news today and excited to move forward on Friday. OH! I asked her if I needed to order another box of lupron since I went longer and she said since I was decreasing to 10 units, it *should* get me through so more good news! I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving. IF sucks and is hard but I still have a lot to be thankful for.

Jinxing Me

Long before, DH and I were even married, my mom buy stuff for her "grandbaby." Last year at Christmas, we'd been trying for a couple months with no success and I went shopping with her. She found some cute baby stuff and insisted on buying it for her "grandbaby." We hadn't told her anything yet so I just kept saying, "Don't...we may not have kids."

I talked to my mom on the phone Friday night. She knew about the absence of Flo and how upset I was. On Thursday when I talked to her, she told me that she's really worried about how I'll take it if IVF doesn't work and hopes that it doesn't impact DH and I's relationship for the worst. Friday on the phone she told me she'd gotten rid of all the "grandbaby" stuff. She didn't want me to think she was jinxing me. I'm not upset about this but at the same time it makes me sad. I can't make DH a father, I can't make my parents grandparents...it just sucks.

FYI-I wrote this post Friday after I talked to her and Flo hadn't arrived. I'm in a better place now than I was then. I have an appointment tomorrow for an ultrasound and bloodwork. If my Estradol level is low enough, which it should be since I've had a period, then I could start my stim shots as early as Friday!!!

Houston...

WE HAVE A PERIOD!!! Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! Flo is here!!! DH woke up super early this morning and I just laid in bed with my furbaby cuddling up with her then I grabbed my I-Touch and started checking FB when DH walked in. "Oh, someone IS up!" I nodded and told him, "Still no period." He commented with, "I figured!" I got offended and said, "What's that mean???" He kissed me and changed the subject, I let it go because I didn't want to start the morning off bad. It actually nice getting up and having some time to myself or with DH instead of getting up at the last minute, getting ready and walking out the door. I laid in bed and watched him get ready and play with our big 'ole black lab who was about to eat his sock. He kissed me bye and left for work.

I got up and got ready, put the dogs away and had that "period" feeling but wasn't getting my hopes up. I decided I'd go to the bathroom one more time before I left and what do you know...there she was! I said out loud to myself, "No way!" I checked like 4 times, did what I had to do then started singing, "I'm a, I'm a period girl!" to the tune of Madonna's "Material Girl." I was so freakin' giddy. I got in the car and called DH. Here was our convo:

Me: Guess what!!!
DH: What?
Me: I got my period!
DH: Seriously?
Me: Yep!
DH: I didn't really think you'd joke about that but I had to ask. See this is why I said, I figured you hadn't started in the bedroom...I knew you'd be a little bit more excited.
Me: Yep, I'm definitely excited! We're back on track. I know you probably don't want to hear this but-
DH: You don't have to tell me the details. Be sure to call them this morning.
Me: Duh!

I hung up with DH and called my mom. It was 6:15 in the morning so I could tell I woke her up. When she recognized my voice, she immediately said, "You started your period?" I said yep and she told me she'd woke up and prayed about it. I told her that was probably what sent me over the edge and got it started.

Good 'ole Flo couldn't have come at a better time. Aside from stressing since last Tuesday about this, last night I bent my needle, lost some meds and listened to my SIL cry, for real tears, about her roommates about 10 seconds after I told her what was going on with the IVF (I gave her this warning to pass on to her parents so that they don't ask me on Thanksgiving and I break down in tears). I didn't tell her wait until you're married and then you'll REALLY think you have roommate issues i.e. drinking all the milk, leaving spoons in the fridge and putting your hand on peanut butter someone smeared on the cabinet door.

Anyways, thank you God for the period, thanks to all of you for the prayers and encouragement. Now I can "relax" and enjoy Flo!!!

The Holiday Spirit

Here's something to perk up your holiday spirit! Shutterfly is giving away 50 free Christmas cards to all bloggers!

(random card from Shutterfly)

DH and I's first Christmas together was about 10 days after we got engaged. We got engaged on 12.15.07. He had to go push snow after we got engaged early that morning. We were on some snowy banks where my furbaby "found" the ring then I also had to go to work. I got home before he did so I created our first Christmas card together.

When he FINALLY got off work, we'd picked up the cards and took them to his parents' house where we didn't say anything about getting engaged, instead just handed her the card. On the bottom of the card, it said, "P.S. We're engaged!!!" It took her like 5 minutes to catch on then she got really excited! It was so much fun. We headed over to his sister's after that and told her, she noticed it right away. Then we mailed the cards to all our friends and family the next day and that's how we told everyone we were engaged.

When we started TTC in October 2009, I knew it would happen right away and we'd be 7-8 weeks at Christmas time so we'd be able to do the same thing with our Christmas cards except write, "P.S. We're having a baby!!!" No such luck but maybe one day...

So jump over to Shutterfly and check out their Christmas cards, address labels and lots of other fun items!

Great Friends!

My friend Flo is being a total bitch but that's okay because I've got some great friends. Since my breakdown on Wednesday, my friends have done everything they can to try to get me to snap out of it.

*My friend K sent me a really sweet email listing everything good I've got going for me. My favorite, and the funniest, "You know how to operate a gun." LOL! That's right little deer, stay outta my way!

*My friend A read my blog, knew I was off work and upset so she called and invited me to hang out Thursday afternoon. Even though I didn't take her up on the offer because I was trying to preoccupy myself and make headway on Christmas list, I still really appreciate that she thought of me.

*My friend J sent me some "texts" and called to check in on me. Hopefully, DH and I will be able to spend some time with her and her hubs when we're in town next weekend for Thanksgiving.

*My friend S invited me to tag along with her and her other friend for dinner tonight since DH is headed out of town again to go deer hunting. She even helped me with my shot! We had to do it in the Applebee's bathroom so she just held everything for me as I prepared and shot myself. She told me she was intrigued by everything going on and when I was finished, she commented, "Wow! That's like the bravest thing ever!"

This morning, I woke up and put on my fertility earrings from Adele, my best pair of panties and tried not to think about Flo all day...it didn't work, thought about Flo and she still didn't come. I've got a fun Saturday planned with my friends including a 5k Walk for St. Jude and a girls get-together/purse party tomorrow evening. I'm just going to try to focus on the fun times and the great friends I have. So Flo, even though you've got something against me, I'll still got some awesome friends who are by my side no matter what!

Trying Really Hard

I'm trying really hard to not get upset today but it's not working. I talked to Mary again today because I was much better, well until I got off the phone, where I could actually speak and ask questions. I asked if there was a reason why my period won't start, she said no, it's just like the watched pot that you want to boil. I asked if my period wasn't here by December 3 if I would still continue with the shots through the rest of the month, she said no. So now we just wait and I call to check in next Tuesday at 1 if Flo's here or not. If she's not here by December 3 then I just wait until January. And to top it all off, Mary kept saying my name wrong which I HATE. I hate when you really like someone or think that you're "friends" with someone then they say/spell your name wrong (FYI-this December marks DH and I's 4 year dating/engaged/married anniversary and he STILL spells my name wrong).

I'm mad at myself because I accidentally posted my post yesterday on my non-IF blog where I have NEVER mentioned my IF or IVF or anything. I deleted it right away but apparently it still shows up in your Google Reader even after I deleted it. I was greeted to an inbox full of bloggers worried and concerned about me which I really appreciate but I hate because now they all look at me differently. I'm sure they really wanted to read about my bleed too, huh?

A "friend" on FB posted this as their status, "I've carried a child within my body (X's 2) . I've slept with babies on my chest. I have kissed booboos, mended broken hearts, been puked on, peed on, spent sleepless nights in a rocking chair but I wouldn't have it any other way. My body isn't magazine perfect (no way), but when I look in the mirror... I...see a mom and there is no greater honor or blessing. Repost if you are proud to be a mom like I am!" Really? I'm too mentally exhausted to comment on this other than to send dagger looks.

Funny thing before two days ago, I would tell everyone, "DH and I are doing IVF." Now it's, "DH and I are trying to do IVF." Because really...we aren't right now. I'm feeling really defeated like this is never going to happen. I'm just so tired of EVERYTHING right now. I'm off work today but I don't think that's a good idea because now I'm just sitting around dwelling on it and I'm afraid to go in public because I could break into tears at any moment. The good thing about yesterday when I got to work, my boss had a pudding parfait for me-it's like she knew! Now the rest of my co-workers, well the ones I worked with in the evening knew I was crabby but continued to press every single button I had.

OH! And I gave myself the shot last night and when I pulled the needle out, a few seconds later some of the med leaked out. Any idea what this means? I read somewhere that it might be because the needle was too close to the skin? I usually push all the med in then wait a few seconds before I pull it out. This is the first time I've noticed this...any suggestions?

Okay, I'm done whining, I won't post any more because I know you all don't want to hear my woe is me. Thanks for listening though!

Update from Mary!

According to my blood test, my body really wants to have a period so hopefully any day now it'll come. She said my Estradoil levels were really high and they even ran a pregnancy test to make sure they weren't missing anything. I laughed at that because they said to use protection during the IVF cycle so there's not even a chance of pregnancy right now. So now I just wait and inspect the toilet paper with every wipe in hopes of Flo. I continue with my prenats and 20 units of Lupron and call when I get my period. Cross you fingers, your hair, your eyes and say a little prayer that my period gets here ASAP!

They Just Keep Coming

I've had tears pretty much off and on all week. Today though, they've been non-stop. My eyelashes are clumped together, my eyeballs bloodshot and my throat hurts from all the crying. Okay so where to start. Well, I posted last night about how I haven't had a "bleed." So this morning, my appt is at 9:10, I left the house at 8:15, realized I needed gas then was on the verge of tears the whole way down there knowing I wouldn't be getting any good news, or even news for that matter. I kept staring at the clock as we'd move quickly then be at a standstill, I had tears as I thought, "What if I'm late? Will they turn me away?" Sometimes the receptionist isn't very friendly.

I pulled into the parking lot at 9:10, almost running some woman over and I thought to myself, wow-I'm a really bad person. I waved and mouthed sorry then ran upstairs. I grabbed a tissue as I was told to head back and sit on the "ultrasound bench." Umm...okay, where's that? I had to ask three different people before I found it. I took a seat and luckily, Tracy came out, the same one who did my sonalhist and TET. I go in and start to change telling her I haven't had a bleed yet and telling her how I was confused and I knew I should of called and I messed up. She looks at me and says, "What do you mean you messed up? OH! Don't cry!" Yeah, the tears came...hard. I grabbed that tissue I'd picked up and apologized. She told me that they would probably just have come back when my period/bleed started and do all this again and they'd probably have me do medicine to start my period. Okay, this pisses me off (not the doctors, my body) because I have NEVER missed a period in my entire life (yep, that's right, no possible pregnancy scare...EVER, no possible BFP...EVER) and here when I need it to effing happen so that I can start my stim meds, it's not. As she did the ultrasound, tears just rolled down my cheeks and I realized about halfway through that I had every single muscle in my body tensed. After the ultrasound, I headed to have blood drawn and then left.

From the moment, I stepped out of the office and was waiting for the elevator, I was bawling hysterically. Luckily, it was a quiet cry so no one heard me but one look at me and "Woo! This lady is cuckoo!" I bawled until I got on the interstate and then I just stopped. I was blank, I was numb, I didn't think or feel anything the rest of the way home until I pulled off the interstate and then the tears came on hard again.

I'm stressed people...uber stressed and I know, I shouldn't be but I can't help it, I am. I don't feel good about this cycle, call it non-mother's intuition if you will and today's visit didn't help much. DH and I haven't been seeing eye to eye lately. He told me that he didn't think the shots were a big deal and I did. He said that the hormones WERE working because I'm super moody, I agree the past two days I have been but I don't think it has to do with the hormones.

So we're just in a holding pattern. We might possible be the 1-2 couples in our orientation class that has their cycle cancelled. Mary just called me and said she had to wait for my bloodwork but that we're just waiting for my period. I asked her about what Tracie said about giving me meds to start my period and she said she couldn't give me any right now because I just came off BC. And the meds would have me starting during the time they're shut down. SO now we just have to wait for my period and if it's not here by December 3, then we have to wait until January to do this. Freakin' awesome...

PS
I wore the socks Shawna sent me today. I love them! So there, I'm ending on a happy note.

Lupron Bleed

I haven't had it. Tomorrow's my visit with Dr. Val. I've been so busy and trying not to get too far into the IVF cycle that I didn't realize this. I partially blame the wording. When I last talked to Dr. Val's office, they said, or I heard, you may have a bleed. Okay to me, may means you may or you may not. I got the paperwork out last week and was reading through it. It said if you haven't had a period by this appointment (the one tomorrow) then call the office. Okay, well to me a lupron bleed and a period are different so I didn't think much about it. Then I start pulling my stuff out for tomorrow and I read through the notes I took at the orientation and it says, you will bleed on day 10 of lupron, if you haven't call the office. Okay, well, today is day 10, my appointment is tomorrow morning at 9:10am, I read this at 6pm tonight so it's a little late to call and they don't open until 8:30 which I'll already be on my way down there. UGH!!!

On top of all this no bleed, I was already feeling down and not great about this. Maybe the lupron is working because today has been one massive mood swing from tears to road rage to tears again, then again it could just be that I'm just stressed and tired. To top it off, DH frustrated me so I've started just giving myself the shots and after I gave the one today it was all red and it bled again. So I have no idea what to except tomorrow, they may just turn me away as soon as I get there, they might move forward. I'm going to bed now...I'm too exhausted to handle anything else today.

A Weekend with the In-Laws

Come on, you guys really thought I'd spend an entire weekend with my in-laws and not have any good stories? Oh...I do, just you wait...

*Remember I'd posted a couple days ago, that my SIL was trying to get us to tell my extremely immature BIL? Yeah, well, he came out on Friday night, got up Saturday morning and everyone was "crabby" (which they were) and he used that as his excuse to leave...as in for the entire weekend. This was just after less than 24 hours of listening to him complain about everything and anything OH and eat the food I'd brought for lunch the next day. As he was driving off at 6AM, I wanted to point and say and THIS is why we're not telling him. All in all, we all agreed it was much better without him.

*Remember how I said I wasn't feeling anything from the Lupron shots? Yeah, I think it's because DH is getting all the hormones. Man-o-man was he in a foul mood all weekend! My MIL and SIL kept asking about the shots and how I was feeling, I said I was fine and apparently DH got the hormones. Wow, I hope he gets off his "period" soon!

*Saturday night in the midst of taking care of my FIL's deer, DH and I had to run inside so I could get my shot. When we came out, FIL asked if I got my baby shot? Then proceeded to ask how IVF works, which I don't mind, however, I'm not entirely comfortable when he asks if we can keep trying the "regular" way. Call me crazy but I don't really enjoy discussing my sex life at the dinner table with my in-laws.

*And now, are you ready for the best story? As soon as I'd recovered from the shock of the words that came out of my SIL's mouth, I couldn't wait to tell you all. Primarily because DH always defends his family and NEVER sees anything they say/do wrong. So without further wait...Friday, we all get to the farmhouse. MIL and I are unpacking groceries and talking when SIL stumbles in totally el drunko from the neighbor's. She's extremely loud, talkative and keeps repeating the same story over and over. Then it clinks in her head and she asks, "How's the shots going?" FYI-this was the first time she asked and by the end of the night she'd asked me three different times. I said they were good and DH was much better at giving them than I was. Then she smirks and looks at me, "Yeah, well, I got two allergy shots on Thursday so there-I beat you!" I quickly snipped, "I've had six shots this week and a LOT more to go." She doesn't hear me and blabs on and on about her office visit of shots, oh that's right, she doesn't have to have her or her spouse (not that she has one) GIVE HER the shots...at home...every night! And I would much rather "let her win" with her two allergy shots and just get pregnant the good 'ole fashioned way! Okay...it was 2 days ago, I'm going to let it go now...until the AM when I tell my co-workers this story.

Sometimes I just don't think his family understands the seriousness of it. I mean yeah, I joke around sometimes about it with my family or friends but they've never once really accepted the fact that we can't have kinds naturally. It's like they think we're just doing this for fun? They keep asking if we can try the regular way, um sure but it ain't gonna work. They almost make fun of the "baby shots." And then they try to "beat me" at who gets the most shots (I've always felt like SIL has to one up me, now this is just drunken proof that she does). So there's my stories of the weekend with the in-laws. I'm sure they'll be more to come, just you wait!

Five Shots Down

Five shots down and who knows how many to go. I must admit this week hasn't been as bad as I thought with the shots. Funny thing is that I thought November was a slow month but it's been crazy, insane busy! We're going to DH's family's farm for deer season this weekend. I'm not too worried since I've only had 2/5 shots at home, the other two at my work and the one tonight at DH's part-time job. So what's a weekend away without running water? Never fear, we have enough running water to wash our hands but there will be no showers. It's not as bad as it sounds.

DH asked me if I was going to hunt this weekend. Yes, ladies, I hunt, it's only my second year and I've never got anything yet so we'll see how I do. If nothing else, I always get lots of quiet, reading time during this weekend which is perfect because I just got 3 new books in the mail this week! Anyways, before this week I'd told DH I wasn't sure, it would depend on how I felt this week with the shots. Well, as I stated yesterday, I'm just SUPER tired but I don't think it has to do with the shots. I went yesterday and got my deer tags, or as I like to call it my donation to conservation. DH reminded me that I wasn't suppose to "jostle" the good 'ole ovaries in which I reminded him that the gun would be on my shoulder, not my ovaries and I'd have to SEE something before I shot it to jostle anything.

So five shots done and numerous more to go, Dr. Val next Wednesday and we'll see where it goes from there!

Side note: A fellow blogger lost her husband on Tuesday in a total accident. She's pregnant with her third child, he won't ever get to meet his baby. It really put things into perspective for me. I've been sitting here freaking out about shots but the truth is that if I didn't have DH, I wouldn't be doing this, going through IVF and I'd much rather be going through all this, including the ups, downs, good news, disappointments and even possibly a life without children, with him than not have him at all. Prayers go out to Vee and her family, my heart aches for them. Please say a prayer for her if you don't mind.

All By Myself

Okay, now I have that song stuck in my head. Tonight was Day 4 for Lupron and I gave myself the shot!!! Surprisingly, I wasn't really nervous at all and I didn't really think about it. I was kind of busy right up until a few minutes before 6 so I didn't have time to sit and stew about OMG! I'm shooting myself tonight. I set everything up first then washed my hands then very surgerical-like I shut the door (with my foot) and began doing everything. It did hurt more than when DH does it and it bled for the first time tonight!?! I suck at this but, oh well, I did it myself. Tomorrow night DH works and I don't so I was going to give myself the shot again, now I'm thinking I might visit him at work to give me the shot plus I'm making a really yummy dinner so I'll take that to him and he'll be happy.

Now let's talk about the Lupron, shall we? I don't really feel that different. I am SUPER tired this week but I don't really think it's a side effect of the Lupron. All my mommy friends always discuss their child's sleep schedule so let's discuss mine, shall we? Typically, I'm in bed by 9:30...10 at the latest and up around 5:45am. I've stacked all my night shifts (2-10pm) in November but I'm using up a lot of personal and vacation days before the end of the year so my schedule is now all out of wack. I've been staying up until 11pm-midnight and getting up about 6-7am. Point being, I don't really feel like my wanting to sleep all the time has anything to do with the Lupron but more so with my crazy, messed-up sleep schedule. So other than being tired, which is not directly correlated to the Lupron, I don't feel anything at all. Is this normal? Should I be having something? I took my last birth control pill this morning so I should have a "bleed" sometime soon according to Dr. Val, not a period but a "bleed." Wow-whenever did I ever think I'd be blogging about that.

Last night I had dinner with some great friends of mine, the girls from college. I told them we were doing IVF. K, my roommate from college, was super excited and A, she was funny, you would have thought I told her I was a man, needless to say she was in shock. So I spent most of dinner giving them all a biology lesson, explaining acronyms, dropping words like sperm, egg, semen analysis, etc...I repeatedly told them over and over that I was by no means an expert so don't take what I was saying as gospel. They were all very supportive and wished us the best. Hopefully next time I see them I'll have a little bambino growing in my belly but let's just focus on getting to that point first. Whew!

So I shot myself today and I survived.

Socks, socks, socks!!!

Shawna, my newest blog friend, is the one who told me about Fertility Socks. When she told me about it, she offered to send me a pair of socks. She said she really appreciated my honesty and upfront answers. I think she's just thankful that I'm going through all this about a month ahead of her so she knows what to expect which is part of why I created this blog. If I can help another woman going through IF just by letting her read my story, then I feel like I've helped in some way. She also sent me this super sweet card and I love how it says, "Dream Out Loud" on the socks. Because I mean by going through IVF, I am dreaming out loud, aren't I? I'm saying out loud and taking action towards having a baby! Not only did I get socks from Shawna on Monday but when I got to work, I had a little goodie bag sitting in my chair. The pink socks there are from my co-worker, really more a friend, P. P has been a great outlet at work where I receive a lot of communication with Dr. Val and her office. P has been a great listener and provides me with lots of encouragement. She was probably the very first person to know about everything, she knew when we started TTC and the failures each month and the first few doctor's visits, she's been awesome! Her and her husband are expecting their first daughter any day now. She commented the other day that isn't it weird how she's finishing her pregnancy right as we're starting IVF.

So thank you ladies! I must admit that now I'm looking forward to my doctor's visits so I can wear them!!!

You're Fired!

Yeah, so lupron Day 2 did not go as great. I had to work, DH was working there part-time which I was really excited about so that he could help me. I told him to meet me at 5:55 so we could do the shot right at 6. Well, he stopped by my desk early. I told him he had to be sure that he washed his hands and he informed me that he already had. Umm...I meant a little closer to shot time. Luckily, he sneezed so he had to go wash his hands again. We went to do the shot and he's pulling everything out like he's an 'ole pro. I reminded him to flip the bottle over before pulling out the needle. He was going so fast and rushing (which is my biggest fear of rushing with these shots!) and I kept telling him to take his time but did he? NO! He forgot to flip the bottle over again and I barely had the alcohol wipe out to wipe down my spot when he's like, "Are you ready?" He gave the shot and it didn't hurt going in, maybe it was the spot I picked, kind of right where my pants rode so it was kind of achey.

I was SO MAD AT HIM! I told him if he was going to act like a "know-it-all" and rush through it then he wasn't going to help any more. I reminded him that I'd told him to flip the bottle over and he didn't...dear, that's a lot of money in that one little drip so effing listen and flip the damn bottle over! We had no reason to rush, we need to take our time and make sure we're doing everything in our power the best we can. Being a man, of course, he didn't comprehend. I went about my evening and he went about his. About 15 minutes later, he stops by my desk, "Does it still hurt?" I told him it was better but did he understand why I was upset. He said he did and he wouldn't rush any more. We'll see...he'll get another chance tomorrow night but if he's rushing then he's fired! Wednesday and Thursday we won't be together from 6-7pm so I'll have to do the shots myself...I'm getting a little worried about that. I know that it doesn't really hurt but I don't know that I'll be able to push it through myself. Oh well, only time will tell! Oh and don't worry, I won't post every single day I get a shot, ok?

Lupron Shot Day 1 Done!

I survived my first shot!!! WOOHOO!!! And I only read the directions twice...okay, I'd read them almost every day the week before but only twice on Sunday night. I actually gave up control and let DH do it. I read the directions to him while he did everything. We double checked that we had 20 units then I cleaned my belly with the alcohol swab then he injected then cleaned it again. Seriously, I think DH should be a nurse. It didn't even hurt! Not even a little pinch! Here was everything we needed: needle, Lupron, alcohol swabs, directions and a sharps container! I'm going to try to take some better pictures along the journey, so be prepared because who knows what I'll take. I'm saving all these pictures and plan on printing them out for a photo album. I want to remember every part of this.
I feel much better now that the first one is done! The only minor mishap is that DH didn't flip the bottle back over before pulling the needle out so we lost a little drop of Lupron but other than that it went great! Afterwards, DH kept telling me he was so proud of me. He told me like five times and DH NEVER repeats things so that made me feel really good. Only three more days of BC and 9 more days of Lupron until my visit with Dr. Val and then on to the next stage!!!

Ironic...Don't You Think?

Today's the big shot day!!! We started our day off at church and came home to do some daily chores. I got to organizing and cleaning out the pantry, it felt a little "nesting" like to me. Then DH fell asleep while we were watching tv and I decided to lay down with him. However, I couldn't really fall asleep because I just kept thinking about the shot!!! I hate wishing the day away but I wish it was time already!?! I just want to do it and have it done, know what it's like and let the stress of it just go away. I was thinking to myself that I wanted to take pictures and document the shots, not EVERY night but each part. While I was thinking about that, I realized I needed to document the birth control!!! And...here it is:
I really find it very ironic that I must go on BC before trying to have a baby. I mean, me and BC were BFFs from age 19-25. I must admit that I did/do miss the acne-free face I had while on it but a baby is so worth the acne not to mention, I was over putting extra hormones in my body and spending the money each month. When the nurse said, we'll start you on BC, I think I had a shocked look on my face like WTH? Am I really at the RE office or did I turn in Planned Parenthood? She went on to explain to me that they've had better success with patients who were on BC first. Still, very ironic to me and anyone I explain it to I start off with, "Funny...I'm on BC..."

Know what else I think is ironic? Maybe this is TMI but it's an IF blog, I think TMI is okay. When I started my period the month before our wedding, I looked at DH and said, "Congratulations on making it through life without having a baby before marriage!" I'm really eating those words now, aren't I?

Okay, one more hour to wait then I'm going to take a shower so I'm all fresh and clean. Then I'll start reading the instructions 500 times then at 6pm on the dot...it's date time with me, the needle and Lupron!

Good News!!!

Great news!!! Remember how this coming Monday was going to be Day 2 of Lupron and I was going to be at work by myself? Well, sometimes DH works PT at my building and it just so happened that they asked him to work on Monday! I'm relieved that he'll be there to help me and calm my nerves and I don't have to be alone with me and the needle on day 2. What a relief! I also told the girl I was working with on Monday night and she was so sweet and said, don't worry about it. When you need to do it, I can cover for you...again relief! I feel much better about that already. So I'm ready Lupron, bring it on...I'm about to be your best friend! Happy Friday everyone!

Cry Fest

DH left to go to his PT job tonight and I was flipping through the channels. What did I stop on? Guiliana and Bill...yeah, bad mistake! We'd just watched the epsidode together last week where the doctor told her she miscarried and I had a cry fest then. Now I'm watching it again and hearing her say everything all the thoughts I've had...can't control it, why are we being punished, it's hard, etc...It makes me really scared for the end of that two week wait after the ET. Luckily, for them, they have the funds to try again if they want. Okay, commerical is over back to my cry fest.

OH! My shots start Sunday-I can't believe it's really almost here!!!

Fertility Socks

My newest blog friend Shawna sent me an email about this great little project called Fertility Socks. You can donate a pair of socks with a message and then woman going through infertility treatments can request a pair. The lady who originated this program said that her friends kept asking what they could do to help and really beside positive thoughts and prayers, there isn't a whole lot anyone else can do for us. She told her friends that they could give her fun socks to wear to her visits because who really wants to stare at plain boring white socks while you're feet are in stirrups (I'm guilty of this, I at least try to make sure they match and don't have holes in them). Plus the fun socks are a great conversation starter! I love this idea and how we can help each other out without even meeting. So please jump over to that website, request a pair if you're going through treatments and donate a pair too! I plan on sending in a pair, I just have to find a really fun pair to send!!!