The Relationship Between my Uterus and Ovaries

So today I went for my first "real" appointment. Let me just start off by saying that I HATE going to the girl doctor for my regular check-ups. Like I really don't think I can describe how bad it is for me and I know everyone says its bad but I have MAJOR anxiety over it. I was sick to my stomach all morning and on-again/off-again tears...its just VERY traumatic for me. So I was feeling horrible wishing DH had gone with me and wanting to puke, cry, scream all at once (yes, this is what the regular girl doctor invokes too...not just Dr. Val).

I told DH, what if they tell me I'm so bad at relaxing that they won't do the IVF because there's NO way I'd be able to handle pregnancy? Before IF was in the picture, I always feared pregnancy because of all the checks that go on up in there but I just knew it was part of life and I'd deal with it. Well now I get to deal with it BEFORE pregnancy and I may not even end up pregnant!

Anyways, I get to the office WAY early because apparently traffic is a lot slower at 10:30 in the morning as opposed to 7am. It only took me 30 minutes to get there...note that for next time. So I make my rounds making my "down payment" and giving my credit card info for payment one of $5,108...ouch! Then I take a seat in the lobby to start reading through my IVF binder and questions I'd brought for Dr. Val. I feel the yucko feeling and tears so I quickly put it all away and get out my book to read. A few minutes later, my friend from orientation walks in (I have no idea what her name is) so she started telling me what to expect when Nurse Traci calls me back.

I really liked Traci. I picked a great outfit...shorts and a tshirt because I got to keep my top on which was comfy and the shorts were easy to change in and out of. She used a vaginal ultrasound to take pics of my uterus and ovaries. This part was NOT bad at all, couple times I felt pressure but other than that, not bad at all. It was weird because I got to watch the screen...yep, there's my empty uterus just waiting for a baby to be in there but I got nothing. She talked and pointed things out to me. Then she said something along the lines of "Here's a picture of the relationship between your ovaries and your uterus." I glanced over and then asked, "So...what kind of relationship do they have?" She said, "A really good one especially for IVF." So that made me feel really good! My ovaries and uterus get along!!! YAH!

Then she left and I had to wait a good 15 minutes for Dr. Val to come do the TET with just the sheet on my lap so I pulled out my book and then they both came in. I gave them both the, "I'm really horrible at this speech so please don't yell or be mad at me because I have a hard time relaxing." That's the worst when they yell at you and I just want to yell back-I AM RELAXING!!!

So Traci tilted me back in the chair so I was almost on my head and the paper sheet was sticking to my butt but I couldn't move my hands. Without asking, she graciously pulled it off for me and I quietly thanked her. Then Dr. Val moved in to get started. All the while, here's what's going through my head...my appointment is at noon, how would you like your lunch hour to be filled with looking at lady's vajayjays? That doesn't sound too appetizing to me.

Dr. Val gets out the septum and starts to put it in, telling me to relax (grrr-I was relaxing the best I could!) and seriously this was the worst part. She put in a cath and I didn't even feel it and then she was like, okay the TET is done. Really? Is the actual ET going to be that fast? Then the septum came out...ahh, thank you! Then she put in another cath and filled it up with the balloon and saline water and put in the ultrasound thing.

Okay, I told you I'm going to be brutally honest on this blog and I hate when people don't tell the awful details because I'm going through this and I want to know!!! So she starts putting in the saline and I can feel it running down my butt-gross! But we're watching the empty uterus on the screen and its weird because I can see the cath moving up and down in me but I don't really feel it. As she would put more saline in then I could feel MAJOR cramps...not cool. They wrapped everything up and set me back down so the blood wasn't rushing to my head.

Dr. Val said everything looked good to go and I said, "Can I ask you some questions since last time I saw you I was a crying hysterical mess?" She handed me my bag and I read a few on them to her. Now...I'm not really sure how I feel about Dr. Val. She's nice and I think tries to be comforting but I don't think she really has ever answered a question I've asked. Plus she's stresses me about the marathon like it's a bad thing and she says it's going to mess up my period, well great, I don't want to do that going into IVF. I just wish she'd be like, girl-bad idea, don't do it but she won't come out and say it. As we wrapped up, I told her I guess I just don't feel like I have a good grasp on things...for instance no one will answer what the hell happens next?!?! She responded with, "Well everything is fluid and depends on your cycle so I can't give you exact dates. " Yes, Dr. Val...I know this, trust me, I know this but I want to know when do I get my schedule and when do my drugs get ordered, am I meeting with you again, what's involved in a basic test and what are we looking for and most importantly-WHAT THE HELL DO I DO NEXT!?! Her response, "Wait for Christina to call you." Great...super pumped about waiting for a phone call.

So all in all today wasn't AS horrible as I thought it would be, still bad, but not awful and my uterus and ovaries have a good relationship so that's what I'm going to take away from today's appointment.