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Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Prayer Journal

Today is Ash Wednesday and the start of Lent. I did a whole post on my non-IF blog about what I was giving up and adding. I'll be giving up potatoes, complimenting my husband every day for 40 days and trying to attend church every week during Lent. I will also be starting a prayer journal which I wanted to expand on. I find that on my IF blog here, I tend to me a little more open and let my real thoughts and feelings out. So here goes, the reasoning behind the prayer journal:

For the prayer journal, this one is tough for me. I've always been a Christian, I've always believed in God but I haven't always felt I had the "right" to pray. I don't lead a perfect Christian life, I don't normally attend church on a regular basis and someone wants to talk to be about God? I tend to shy away. Just writing this post is tough for me! I mean I've only mentioned religion a handful of times on this blog and I'm always worried what kind of comments I'm going to get from it. When I attend church, I feel like I have the "right" to pray but when I'm not, I feel guilty asking God for help or things. I've had this attitude for YEARS!!! I can remember my dad and I discussing this during high school.

After our failed IVF right at Christmas time and going through all of 2010 questioning WHY to everything, I realized that I can't get through all this without God or without prayers. I needed to pray, not for a baby, a BFP or anything along those lines but for patience, guidance, understanding. I needed to pray to be a happier me, to be someone I loved. When things happened to my friends or family, I wanted to pray for them but never felt I had the "right." So in 2011, I started praying....for friends, for family, for me, giving thanks, praising him for answered prayers. My prayer list is getting kind of long, both in the need area and the thanksgiving area too. So for Lent, I want to start a prayer journal. Some place to list out my prayers in details, to write what happens with those prayers whether they get answered how I ask or maybe another way. I think this will help me to keep all the prayers I have straight and it will be a place that I can look back and see how good God is with all the praises and thanks that I list in this book.

There you have it, my game plan for Lent. So tell me...what are you giving up or adding to your life for Lent this year?

9 comments:

Bridget said...

I have the same kind of feelings that you do about religion and prayer. I hope your prayer journal helps!

Bobbi said...

Thanks for being so honest. Religions, God, faith, prayer...it's all such personal stuff and everyone has a different relationship with all of it. I believe. I always have. I pray, but only when I need something. I'm still learning and growing to! I'm really happy to see this Lent season will do wonders for you. I gave up Facebook. LOL! Not as "serious" as your commitments, but it'll be good for my soul. I spend way too much time on it! :) I hope your prayer journal does something good for you on the inside. :)

Baby Hopes said...

I love this idea. My faith has been one of seasons. I spent a while in ministry, which was one of the happiest times of my life. I've been withdrawing quite a bit in the recent years - mostly out of anger and frustration related to IF. But like you, I've been feeling recently like I need that connection back, and it's helped to talk about it with Mech and on my blog.

I've never observed Lent before (I'm non-denominational), but I'm thinking of doing so this year. I'm not sure yet what I would give up...

Thanks for a great post and for your bravery and honesty.

JC said...

My faith has taken a toll going through IF. Fred and I met in church and we're both Christians and were always in church before IF, I mean 2-3 times a week. Then I just stopped completely. I tried going back a few times but never really got in the groove. Now that we're on to adoption I feel so much better and we're back in church and I don't feel so hateful and angry inside like I used to. Anyways, the prayer journal sounds like a great thing to do! =)

amiracle4us said...

I grew up Catholic but strayed far and now am finding myself coming back. At the beginning and middle of IF I pulled away out of anger, but in the past 6 months or so have found myself praying and finding peace from it. Thanks for sharing this. I am giving up chips and trying to be more positive and eating more healthy. I know thats not giving something up but sometimes it's just as hard and requires as much dedication.

Miss Mac said...

IF is definitely a test of faith but I find comfort in prayers and knowing God desires that relationship. I'm glad you shared your thoughts and goals with the prayer journal, several of us share the same struggles.

~Jess said...

That's great! Good for you for doing that! I pray that you are completely blessed by doing a prayer journal.

I hear ya on the "right" to pray thing. I've kind of had the mentality that nothing I could pray about was as important as something someone else could pray about, but honestly we're all just as equally important to God :-)

Angie said...

Wow, your comment about the "right" to pray is dead on how I feel. I was raised Catholic but unfortunately had a priest tell me I was going to burn in hell for having premarital sex when I went to him for help after I was raped. :( From that moment on I was turned off from the Catholic faith. I do however consider myself very spiritual. I pray in my own way. Whether it's God hearing me or my Angels up in Heaven looking down upon me, I know there's something keeping me going through good and bad times. I think your prayer journal is a GREAT idea!!

I really don't observe Lent but this year I am focusing (and actually currently working on) making myself a better person, working on some demons I have inside me. I am trying to be a nicer, more forgiving, compassionate person. And to have a filter with my foul language. Also focusing more on working out and eating right which is always a work in progress. Thank you for sharing.

nicarv said...

What a great idea. Thanks for being so honest. I read this book [The Pressure is Off] in Dec after our failed IVF and a line in your post reminded me of what the whole book was about. I hope that you are blessed and feel new closeness with the Lord during these days ahead. Just read your newest post about your parents and my heart breaks for you. Completely understand all your frustrations! And happy birthday :)