Friday, March 11, 2011


Remember during and before our IVF process, I told you all about how my in-laws were urging us to tell other people? When DH and I first started going through this, it was a very private process and we weren't going to tell anyone, which is part of the reason I started this private and annoymous blog (which really is no longer but hey-whatev!).

Well, they kept pushing and pushing and wouldn't drop it so fine, we started telling people. Everyone was excited and praying for us and it was nice to have the support and not have to "hide" our secret.

A couple weeks ago, DH and his dad were working at their farm. Their conversation as relayed from DH:

FIL: So when are you guys going to try again?
DH: Sometime this fall.
FIL: Last time you went through it, you told so many people and they got all excited and then it didn't work. Why'd you tell so many people?
DH: Because you and mom pushed us too!
FIL: Must've been your mother, I didn't say anything. I think when you try again, you should just do it and not tell anyone.
DH: Then why did you just ask when we were going to try again?

AGH!!! Seriously!?! Tell people, don't tell people! It's OUR life, it's OUR journey, its OUR decision! Yes, I know many people got excited just like us. Yes, I know many people were disappointed, just like us. When we got the call about the BFN, I told DH when we did this again, we weren't going to tell a SOUL, NO ONE!

And that, my friends, is our plan. Mum's the word so please don't ask and PLEASE don't tell me how disappointed/upset you were with our BFN, I think DH and I understand.


COME ON BABY said...

Sorry babe. It would be an easier world if people would just understand how flipping hard infertility is!!!!!!!

I tell everyone everything. If I am going to be stressed out and sad about this crap so are they :)

My big huge mouth has found me lots of great little bloggie friends, LIKE YOU!!!!! :)


Much love.

Kelly said...

I totally understand! I didn't want to tell ANYONE but the circumstances didn't allow that. We had to tell some co-workers because we had to take off of work. When we had our 2 awful BFN's in August and October I made my husband tell those people....I just couldn't take it....all the pity...UGH!!!!

I also think it is a good idea not to tell because then if it works you have to tell those people that you are pregnant WAAAAAAYYYYY before you are ready!

People are just so nosy....if you don't talk about it then they shouldn't ask!!

Jessica said...

Wow, talk about mixed signals...and that must have made you feel somewhat crappy for "telling everyone" and then not getting pregnant. I say, tell who you want to tell. Don't get caught up in others' opinions. Be you and be happy. :)

Bridget said...

it's hard to decidce who to tell and who not to tell- we went through that too. You just have to do what you feel is right and not worry what anyone else thinks!!

Baby Hopes said...

I'm so sorry. It's hurtful and frustrating when others focus on their own disappointment, rather than considering how much support you need to deal with your own, which is infinitely greater. Please know that there are those of us out here who understand, and support you all the way -- no matter what you choose to share or not. That's entirely your choice and right.

Miss Mac said...

That's truly a personal decision. We chose to tell a handful of people. I told them up front that there are no guarantees, and I just wanted their prayers and possibly someone to ride with me to the RE office at times. That's why this blog and the ppl I've met are so important... a support group who totally understand. Do what's best for you!

Anonymous said...

I agree it's a personal decision so do whatever you and your hubby want to do. I can't believe what your FIL freakin frustrating! So does this mean we won't know in bloggy land either? I support whatever you decide, the process is so hard, and we didn't even do IVF.