Friday, May 13, 2011

"Sing You Home" Book Review

Wow! This book has LOTS of drama and I mean A LOT! Let me give you a brief synopsis in my own words, A couple struggles with infertility and 5 failed IVFs only to end up getting divorced. The husband, Max, becomes super religious while the wife, Zoe, becomes a lesbian. Zoe and her partner want the frozen embryos but Max doesn't want a gay couple to have them. The rest of the book is the trial and lots of political stuff: religion vs gay rights.

Seriously, every page has a new twist or turn to it. The main reason I wanted to read this book was obviously because it dealt with infertility and IVF. I loved the first part of the book where she talked about how IVF works and the feelings that went along with it. I started reading the book the night I took DH to the hospital and almost every other page, I would cry out, "OMG! That's exactly how I feel!" or "That is so me....or so you." And it was great for me to get a male perspective, it really made me think of things that I know DH wouldn't ever say but I could see how he could feel it.

I really enjoyed the beginning as I said but then it got way too political for me, and maybe even a little off the wall too. I'm religious and believe in God but the stuff in this book was a little extreme and I also thought a few things were beyond far-fetched, but it's fiction so it's allowed to be, right? No matter my views on God or gay rights, I will say that this book made you "feel." I would get my hopes up at certain points, get disgusted at others and when they discussed the frozen embryos and how they might not make it to pregnancy, my stomach would drop and make me think of my 3 little totsicles.

Now this is just me, and being an IFer finding parts of the story that I find far-fetched:

*Max wants to give the embryos to his brother and sister-in-law, Liddy (what is Liddy short for?). The SIL has had many miscarriages and the brother has the same genetic disorder that Max has. So what's to say that the SIL will be able to carry the babies vs Zoe's partner, who hasn't had any fertility issues?
*SPOILER!!! Someone gets pregnant with the frozen embryos and the book doesn't say how long after the trial they do the transfer BUT hello-isn't the first rule of IF, don't be stressed??? After the trial that was put on, I WAS stressed so I'm sure they were.

It was good to read a book that I could relate to although it did get a little off the wall in my opinion. I hope that DH and I don't turn out like the book (divorced and one of us turning gay). This book has taught me to make sure DH and I are on the same page with what we want to do with our totsicles and hopefully, we'll be loving them in our arms before too long.

Similiarities outside of IVF to the book and me:
*Max is a landscaper and so is DH.
*Liddy made a Happy Birthday Jessus cake for Christmas. I've sworn if we ever have kids, I want to start this tradition.
*Zoe's mom talks about a water theory and the use of positive vs negative language. I had never heard of it until March when it was discussed at a conference and then it shows up in this book.

Quotes from the book that I related to:

p.10 "I always found it ironic that someone who has trouble getting pregnant begins in vitro by taking birth control pills."
p. 12 "And to think, some people who want to have a baby only need to make love."
p. 12 "There were years I was so superstitious I counted backward from 20 before getting out of bed, or wore the same lucky camisole for a week in an effort to ensure that particular embryo would be the one that actually stuck."
p.13-14 "But my friendships have dwindled as Max and I began to devote ourselves entirely to combating infertility. Some relationships I'd ended because I didn't want to hear a friend talk about her baby's first words, or go to a couple's home for dinner and be confronted with sippy cups...since the only person who really could understand the cyclone of emotions involved in IVF was Max...We'd isolated ourselves, because it hurt less."

p.49 "I wanted a baby, too...but for a reason much more simple than that (dreaming of fatherhood). Because it's what Zoe wanted."
p. 49-50 "...the touchy-feeling part of IVF and the poking and the prodding isn't something that comes naturally to me."
p. 50 "Maybe it was the first time, or the fifth, or the fiftieth that Zoe counted out the days of her menstrual cycle and crawled into bed and said, "Now!" Our sex life had become like Thanksgiving dinner with a dysfunctional family-something you have to show up for; even though you're not really having a good time."
p. 51 "A lot of people talk about what women go through, when they can't have a baby. But no one ever asks about the guys. Well, let me tell you-we feel like losers. We can't somehow do what other men manage to do without even trying...what other men take precautions to not do...This may be the twenty-first century, but being a real man is tied to being able to procreate."

p. 298-299 "Did you ever want something so bad you think that hoping is going to jinx it?" OMG! AMEN!!! Funny I didn't think I'd be able to relate to Liddy but I really did, she may have been my favorite in the book because she was the even-headed one throughout the whole book.


Jessica White said...

Sounds like it is an interesting book....don't know if I'll get around to reading it, but all the political/religious stuff sounds a bit heavy.

I do love when a book just grabs me and pulls on my own emotions.