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Saturday, May 21, 2011

Reflecting

Wow! It's been a year since we found out that IVF would be the only way to have a child of our own. Due to some things that have happened and reading back on posts from this time last year, I've been reflecting on DH and I's marriage then vs. now.

MARRIAGE THEN-It was horrible, it was awful, it was not good. We had just been dumped on, our world shattered, everything seemed impossible. Yes, DH and I had dealt with "hard" stuff before like illness, divorce, ending of relationships and death of a family and friends but this was the first time something "hard" affected us directly. It was the first time WE experienced something REALLY hard together. When we found out, we were on totally OPPOSITE pages. He was okay with not having kids, I was not. I thought IVF was too expensive, he did not. I researched, read and reached out to find as much info as I could, he did not and did not want to believe my findings. I was a bad wife. I pulled away from him, I thought I could do this on my own. I resented him, not for the diagnosis, but for his actions and feelings.

MARRIAGE NOW-Our marriage is 100% in a better place now than it was then. Is our marriage 100%? Absolutely not and anyone who says that their marriage is...well in my opinion they're lying because no relationship is 100% perfect. DH and I got on the same page, we endured our first IVF that resulted in a BFN and we survived! I know now that there's no way in the world I could have done that on my own. We've budgeted our finances to be sure we can afford fertility treatments but still live a life we want. We've worked on our communication skills but they still have a long way to go...baby steps though. I feel the tension is gone in our house, we laugh easier and love more. Don't get me wrong, we still have our knock-down, dragout fights over laundry that hasn't been put away for two weeks but hey, that's marriage, right?

I told DH about my reflections and I wanted to apologize because I knew I wasn't a good wife. He held up his hand and said, "I know I was a dick too." LOL-that's my husband! I feel like both of us acknowleding our own actions and liking where our marriage is now is a huge step for us. It's amazing what time, love and a little PIO in the ass can do for a marriage! :)

5 comments:

COME ON BABY said...

Wonderfully said my dear. Here's wishing you many, many more years of growing, learning and love with your honey. xoxo

Baby Hopes said...

I love this post... gives me a lot of hope. I'm so glad that things have turned around for your marriage.

~Jess said...

Yay for being in such a better place now :-)

amiracle4us said...

It is amazing what IF can do to a relationship. It can ruin you, or make you stronger. It brought C and I down for quite a while as well and it seemed once we moved to IUI/IVF we pulled together, fought together for the same thing and in the end, loved more together. Yup, we still fight about big things and silly things, but like you said, thats marriage!!
Hold on to the love tight, without it, whats the fight for?

Bridget said...

PIO definitely has a way of making marriages stronger LOL. So glad you and your husband have made it through the ups and downs of IF and IVF.