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Thursday, October 28, 2010

The Time

Remember my my post about being overwhelmed? Well, Kayee (a fellow blogger whose story I love following) left me a comment saying that the time would go really fast. I'm torn...I want it to go by fast because it's exciting and I really want it to work and to know the end result but honestly...I hope it goes by slow. As I've stated multiple times, if this doesn't work and we decide to try again, it won't be for a LONG time when we can raise the funds again. If it doesn't work, my heart will be crushed. If it doesn't work, I really worry about how my marriage will handle it (financially, emotionally, physically). If it doesn't work, we can't do anything to move forward in the baby making business except raising funds...no more treatments, no more doctor's visits until we have another $15,000 in the bank. If it doesn't work, I think time will stand still, I think I'll be totally lost.

So yes, I want it to by fast but at the same time, I want to enjoy the time, the shots, the doctor's visit, the ultrasounds of my ovaries, my short little journey to potential motherhood because it may be all that I have.

4 comments:

Angie said...

This post made me cry. I am praying so hard that it will take. I don't want you to be crushed.

Conceptionally Challenged said...

That's exactly what scares me away from doing IVF. Even though our chances may be very low otherwise.
I very much hope this will work for you!!

Shawna said...

oh, hon. I feel for you so much. I am in the same boat as you. How do we gone on without a BFP??? I too, will not have the funds. One go at it and we are done. I guess we have to hang our head high and pray. lots and lots of prayers

Kim said...

I can understand why you want to savor the entire process. Having to wait and save again would be really hard, so I hope you dont have to do that and this first try works like a charm. xoxoxox