To My Dear Husband

October 11, 2011
To the man who puts up with me no matter my mood, my dreams, my attitude, my weight, my morning breath, and my fears.

To the man who can stick a needle in my butt without me realizing it, who can draw up menopur as though it's his every day job, and who stares so intently at the u/s screen as our embies are placed inside me.

To the man who drives me insane by his midnight snacking, the dirt he tracks into the house, and the way he can't say no to anyone.

To the man who has taught me to love purely, to shoot a gun, and to live life to its fullest.

To my dear husband, today I wish you the happiest of days as we celebrate our three years of marriage. It's crazy to think everything we've been through in those three years but I wouldn't wish to have anyone else but you by my side.

Let's never let go of our each other or hope, deal?

Coming Back?

August 15, 2011
As I've stated before, I run summer day camp among many other hats I wear but camp is my main focus and busy time of year. Since camp has ended and my sanity has returned, I've had 2 camp parents and a camper ask if I'm coming back next summer. If/when the FET gives us a BFP, I will be due in the spring and would technically miss part of camp. I'm hoping, and looking at this as a sign because I have never been asked that before in the past. Cross your fingers!!!

Harder Than You Think

August 10, 2011
Estrace is harder than you think! I was all excited because I didn't have to be home every night between 6-7pm to take multiple shots. Sweet, right? Instead, I have to take these teeny tiny pills every 6 hours...at 6am, 12pm and 6pm. Easy, right? OMG! NOT!!!

This is way harder than you think! The first couple days I was just trying to remember on my own. I would look at the clock at like 10 til then in 10 minutes, I would totally forget and by the time I remembered it was like 5-10 past. So then I decided to put a reminder on my email for the noon pill. I finally broke down and set my phone to have the alarm go off at 6am, 12pm and 6pm. It's working but the only bad thing is if I leave my phone in the car, it'll go off until you silence it AKA kill the battery. Not to mention the alarm scares the bejeezus out of me every time because it's so loud and not expected.

I also only have 1 bottle of pills and I seriously carry it around with me EVERYWHERE. At night it goes on the sink and I take with my prenatal in the morning. Then I put it in my pocket and I jingle around pills all day. So far in less than one week, I've forgotten them twice and had to turn around and go home. The first time I was still on our street so it was a quick turn around and I was good to go. Today I was halfway to work and had to turn around and go all the way home. So between remembering what time to take the pills and remembering the pills, it's way harder than you think!!!

I Think I Prefer Lupron

August 7, 2011
Hearing my phone alarm go off three times a day, toting around a pill bottle that shakes in my my pocket and feeling like a drug addict...I think I might prefer lupron to estrace. Remind me I said that when the PIO shots and I'm sure I'll change my mind.

Identity Crisis & Drama

August 6, 2011
Yesterday was the last day of camp! Woohoo!!! DH and I always go to a nice, fun restaurant to celebrate at 6:30pm on the last day of camp. Camp ends at 6pm so that gives me 30 minutes to deal with any issues that come up. It was surprisingly a very, quiet day with no phone calls or drama which was weird not just for the last day of camp but ANY day of camp.

DH and I start to head to dinner and we're about halfway down the street from our house when I remember that I needed my meds to take at 6pm. We turn back around to get them and get back on our merry way. As soon as we get on the highway, his gearshift (he has a manual truck) breaks in HALF!?! Luckily, we were just getting on so we were able to get over very easily. This totally reminds me of the Burning Bush story in the Bible like I forgot my medicine to make sure when the gearshift broke we weren't in the middle of the highway to create an accident. Anyways, after this, the evening kind of went downhill...

Neither of us panicked and we were able to get off the highway and to the car place with no problems. His sister picked us up and took us home and we left again in my car. We got to the restaurant and I got wild and crazy ordering a Shirley Temple (love my caffeine-free, non-alcoholic cocktail!) and then for some reason that neither of us remember, we started fighting and then the rest of dinner was in silence.

We woke up Saturday morning and I took him to work, he was quite the Crabby Abby. I even offered to stop and get breakfast but he denied! Later in the afternoon, we received a mystery box of checks in the mail (silly me thought it was my bank and called all in a huff that I didn't order them and halfway through the convo I realized they were from DH's bank-oops!). I called him to ask about it and then we got to talking. Basically, he sees his other friends in their jobs and lives with more success and is upset about it. I won't go into too many details but it broke my heart. DH works SO hard at anything he does but it seems like he/we can't ever get ahead. The broken gearshift was apparently just the icing on the cake after a long week of other stuff.

As though the broken gearshift and the fighting with DH wasn't enough, I also had to call a camp parent on Saturday morning to deal with an issue. I knew Friday was way too quiet of a way to end camp for the year. Then on the way to dinner as I was taking my med, I told him this was just part of fulfilling his dream and he looked at me and said, "my dream." I didn't create too much of a fuss but I reminded him of all the things he said he wanted to do with his kids. Funny, he's "doing" all this for me (yet I'm the one sucking down the meds and getting shot in the stomach, butt and Lord knows where else!) but he has dreams of kids too.

Sigh...so my husband is having an identity crisis, we have truck and camp drama and I just want no stress please!!!

Estradiol and Prenats

FET is not nearly as pokey as fresh IVF. So far, I'm just taking three teeny, tiny Estradiol pills a day at 6am, 12pm and 6pm to make me not ovulate. I have to admit it that it's a LOT harder to remember to take these pills three times a day vs shooting yourself once a night (well, many shots at one time/night). See how little they are?
Now let's look at the monstor prenatal pill I'm taking:

Sometimes, I'll take this pill at 6am and get to work about an hour later and even though I took it with water, I can STILL feel it caught in my throat so I spend a good 30 minutes just swallowing water to get it down. Then I spend the next hour in the bathroom peeing out all the water!

And We're Off!

FET #1 starting NOW! I woke up on Thursday, August 4 to Aunt Flo. I could tell the day before that my period was coming...bloated, crampy, crabby but my period wasn't supposed to start until the following Monday. When I logged it, I saw that this last cycle was only 24 days long which is the shortest period I've had in the past 2 years since I started logging.

I took my estrace at 6am, put the bottle of pills in my pocket and grabbed my paperwork. I called Mary, Dr. Val's nurse, and right around 10am, she called me back. When I mentioned the short cycle, she said to take a pregnancy test and if it was negative then go on as scheduled. I laughed and asked her if she was serious...she was and I had to do all this before noon when I was supposed to take the next pill.

I run summer day camp so while I may not have children of my own, every summer I'm "mom" to 150 kids and 22 college kids...it definitely keeps me on my toes. On this Thursday, it was the second to last day of camp and we were short staffed. I wasn't at my normal office and I was acting as "director" until the director could arrive. When I got off the phone with Mary, I called DH and told him everything basically summarizing, "I'm in my work polo and I have to find a pregnancy test and take it all before noon. So now I'm on a mission to find the cheapest and most inconspicuous place to buy a test and then take it." I promised him I'd call if it was positive so I'd probably just talk to him after work.

I found the Dollar Store, ran in, got the test, paid in quarters and then the lady just sat it on the counter. She finally realized what it was and asked, "Do you want a bag for that?" Umm...yes please! Okay, mission one accomplished. Next part, smuggle it into the bathroom...done! I get it to the bathroom, get the test out and crap-I need a cup! So I shove it back in my jacket and go find a cup and head BACK to the bathroom. Okay, now we're set!

Normally, no one EVER comes in this bathroom. Today? It was freakin' Grand Central Station and I had to wait 3 minutes for the results. As expected, it came back negative. Can you believe that in our 2 years of "officially" trying this is the first pregnancy test I've ever taken? Not even during IVF #1 did I take one and the only other one I took was when I had a super long cycle right before we "officially" started trying and then my period came like 2 minutes after I took the test. Yeah, trying for almost 2 years and only 2 pregnancies test and neither time did I *really* think I was pregnant. Anyways...

Since my period is almost 4 days earlier, it's pushed EVERYTHING up. So my scheduled ET is a week earlier than expected. It was supposed to be the Friday before Labor Day so perfect, I would just take that Friday off and have a nice long weekend to relax and let my tots find a place to get snug as a bug in a rug. I had switched shifts so that I wouldn't have to do any PIO in the leg, I'd be home every night for DH to stick it in the butt (oh that sounds dirty but it's not). I'd scheduled acupuncture during the 2ww but now it'll be after we already know the results. But you know what? I'm not going to stress or freak out. When I told DH, he was calm and said that we'd make it all work and we will. I'm staying calm because I feel like it's going to work this time and I'm doing everything OPPOSITE than last time i.e. freaking out and stressing over everything! Here's happy thoughts for this FET cycle...

Proof that the p-test only cost $1
What's this mean? "For in-vitro diagnostics use only"

My p-test get-up on the TP holder...never a dull moment! LOL

So here we go again...I'm excited!!! And overwhelmed and nervous and, well, you know all the feelings that come along with it!