Crossing My Fingers but Not My Legs

28 Weeks!!!

2012-02-24T10:28:00.002-06:00

I just got home from my 28 week appointment and all looked good. Baby A's heart rate was 140. My blood pressure looked good and she measured my belly and didn't say anything about not showing a lot. Although I do think I'm showing a bit more but still not a ton. I met the other doctor in the partnership so now I have a name with a face if she were to be the one that's on call when I deliver.

When I arrived, I checked-in and went immediately to give my urine sample. It was very yellow, guess that's what happens when you don't drink anything before your appointment-oops! I came back out to pay (final payment for the doctor-woohoo!) and sat down. A few minutes later, the nurse says, "A, I have down that you don't know what you're having, is that right?" I quickly said, "NO! And I don't want to know!" I was afraid she was going to tell me right then and there and then DH would be sooo upset. Luckily, she just needed me to fill out the circumcision form in case it is a boy. It took me longer to complete this form than it did for the actually appointment!

Other news from the doctor, I'm pretty sure I have pregnancy induced carpal tunnel syndrome. My hands/fingers have been falling asleep, the are sore like they have arthritis and they're swollen. I didn't even know that carpal tunnel was a side effect of pregnancy until I read about it last night! When I described all of this to the doc, she agreed that's what it was. So I can get braces to keep my wrists at an angle to eliminate swelling or I can do physical therapy but I should do one or the other or it'll get so painful that I'll HAVE to do something! I'm hoping I can just wear the braces at night since that's mainly when my hands fall asleep.

My goal is to also keep my wedding ring on until my birthday (March 13) but I'm not sure if I'll be able to last that long. I'm not going to worry about getting a fake ring to wear in place of it because 1. I doubt anyone will be hitting on me and 2. DH isn't upset, he understands and we both agreed we could easily spend $20 some other way.

Another thing the doctor and I discussed is no more laying on my back so that means side sleeping only. I've been doing this for awhile and it really bothers my hips. Last night, I was seriously tossing and turning all night long and I know DH slept awful too. I talked to him after my doctor's appointment and told him I could start sleeping in the other room. I mean there's no point for us BOTH to not sleep but he said that's silly and we'd figure something out. I use DH as my body pillow at night and throw a leg over him to take some pressure off my hips or I'll half lay on him so I'm not exactly on my back but not on my hips, I'm sure he just LOVES that.

Other none check-up related news...

*I'm going out of town next week so I'm really hoping that when I get back that the nursery is ready for me to start moving stuff in and the downstairs is back to normal. We got our new carpet for downstairs on Tuesday night. On Wednesday night, DH started putting tubs back away to store and I started pricing things for the garage sale. We have more of an area to walk but it's still a hot mess!

*My grandma and dad are convinced that we know the baby is a boy and just aren't telling them. She's decided she's going to start calling the baby a boy and by his name. This doesn't bother me (okay, well a little bit because we HONESTLY do not know!) except that she keeps spelling his name wrong. So to every email she sends with his name spelled wrong, I simply reply with the correct spelling. I'm not sure if she's doing it to irritate me or on accident but it's driving me BONKERS!!!

*Not sure if I posted but we finally picked a pediatrician. And we're like 99% sure we have a sitter picked out. We're running a background check on her so just waiting for that to come back okay and then we'll fill out the contract as best we can (meaning we don't know baby's names, birthdate, etc...). It feels really good to get a lot of the big stuff done.

*We're having a garage sale on March 3. Cross your fingers for good weather! Once that junk is out of the house, I feel like we'll finally be able to start deep cleaning and officially getting things ready. Most of the big stuff is done around the house, there's just little things here and there and the new guestroom is building up quite a stock pile of diapers and wipes.

I think that's all for now! Other than all that, I'm busy with other people's bridal/baby showers, getting things ready at work and coordinating 500 people's schedules for showers, babysitting, dogsitting, garage sales, etc...It's seriously going to be go, go, go until Baby A makes his/her arrival!

Mural is Done!

2012-02-19T20:00:00.004-06:00

The mural is done...kinda. Before I show you and start explaining our mural, let me show you the inspiration. DH and I found this on Pinterest on Christmas morning. Here is the inspiration: The blog that I found it on was in Norwegian!!! So no tips for us, we just looked at the pics and winged it.

DH's two cousins came over both Saturday and Sunday to do this project. I just cooked food and gave my opinion-my kind of job! Here is the finished product, squirrel on the tree is for me because that is my sorority's mascot: This was my idea and I'm so proud of it!!! On the bottom of one of the trees, we added this "carving" which is DH and I's initials. When the baby is born, we're going to add after the equal sign that letter of the baby's first name. The date is the day of our transfer:

This is the other side of the room. The far right is what will be above the crib. That's supposed to be a baby bird inside the birdhouse and that's the momma bird watching over the baby:

Here is DH watching paint dry. No really, that's what he's doing! We were getting antsy towards the end of Sunday so we pulled out the blowdryer to hurry the process along:

This is the view from the doorway. His cousin said the owl looked sad and I said that it looked sleepy. I said sleepy is good because it'll make the baby want to sleep and s/he won't be a night owl-ha, ha, get it...night owl!!!

I am beyond THRILLED with how this turned out!!! The girls and DH did a fantastic job. In person, the lines of the tree aren't perfectly straight but they were painting on raised wallpaper. We decided the jaggedness just adds character and makes it look like real tree bark. I love that this is unique and all the personal touches that we added. Like I said, it's not entirely finished until we find out boy or girl! If it's a girl, we're going to add pink wings to the birds and the owl will get some pink toenail polish and some long girlie eyelashes. We also plan to add a pink or blue rug since the floor is hardwood. But for now, the mural is done! DH is going to work on cleaning up the room now and getting it in order. Then we need to add a view shelves and little personal touches and it'll be as ready as it can be!!! Thanks to my wonderful painters this weekend-I LOVE IT!

Beginning of the Mural

2012-02-18T10:55:00.002-06:00

DH drove out early this morning and picked up his cousins. When they got to the house, I made them a pretty awesome breakfast in my opinion...deer sausage, bacon and pancakes. The secret to the pancakes is a little cinnamon sugar, sprinkles or Pampered Chef Carmel Sprinkle. Sorry, off topic! Then the girls and DH got to work working on the mural in the baby room: This is DH's cousin, K, who is the artist in the family.

More pics later when the mural is finished! I'm trying to stay busy and not watch paint dry but I'm so excited to see the final product!!!

Tag-You're It!!!

2012-02-16T15:09:00.002-06:00

Kelly tagged me to take this survey so let the questions roll...

Rules are simple. If you follow them, you will 1 million rainbow coins to use however you'd like.

1. Post the rules.
2. Answer the 11 questions from the person who tagged you.
3. Create 11 new questions for the people you tag.
4. Tag people and link them to your post.
5. Let those people know that you tagged them.

Ready...set...GO!

1. If you could go anywhere for a week, where would you go? I'd really love to go back to Couples Negril where we honeymooned at. I was still a hyped up bridzilla mess when we went so I'd like to go back and just chillax and not be so caught up in what was going on at home instead of enjoying my new hubby and the awesome scenery around us.

2. What is your favorite app on your smart phone? If you don't have a smart phone, what the hell is wrong with you? Thanks Kell, DH and I do NOT have smart phones. We would both love them but he's so hard on phones and if I get one, he has to get one so it's a big circle of no smart phones for us. I do have an I-Touch and my niece, sis and I are addicted to Fashion Story (like Farmville but with clothes).

3. If you were going to redo one room in your house, which room would it be and why? DUH! Guestroom is turning into a nursery-yah!!!

4. What is your biggest insecurity? Wow, that's a tough one because I'm not sure which ONE is the biggest-lol. During our time together, my weight has flucuated back and forth and DH does a great job letting me know how sexy and pretty he thinks I am. Although in mind, I think he's totally bananas but I appreciate him saying that.

5. What are the top three Internet sites you visit? Let's see, when I turn on the computer, first stop Yahoo Mail, then my work email then Facebook and Twitter.

6. Do you have a hobby? What is it? When we started this infertility journey, I turned to running as an outlet. It's amazing the world that has opened up for me there, the people I've met and the things I've accomplished. I'm on a hiatus right now but am already looking at races for the fall to get back into it.

7. If your husband could buy you anything, what would you want? A DSLR camera.

8. When is the last time you drastically changed your hairstyle? Definitely not within the past 5 years since I've been with DH. He freaks out when I get a few inches cut off my hair! Right before we started dating (end of 2006), I'd had blonde highlights forever and I decided to go back to my atural brown color and I've stayed the same ever since...although white hairs keep creeping in.

9. What was the last vacation you went on? I went to FL the week after Christmas to visit my mom. DH was supposed to go with me but forgot to ask off work so he ended up staying home. It was a nice, relaxing visit but I missed DH and not spending our last New Year's without a baby together. It was still nice to get to some warm weather and momma took me shopping!

10. When was the last time you cried and why? Hmm...I cried at the AB clydesdale commercial during the Super Bowl. Back in November, I cried when the lady reached her goal on "Extreme Couponing." I've cried lots here and there because I've been tired or overwhelmed. Why? Because I'm pregnant.

11. How do you stay organized? My calendar! I carry it around like my Bible. I put all my appointments, dinner, meetings, daily tasks, etc...in that thing.

My Questions
1. How did you get into the field/profession that you work in?
2. Favorite 80s/90s movie of all time.
3. If you were an actress and could have any role, what would it be and why?
4. Do you know the way to San Jose? If you do, please give us directions. If you don't, give us directions to somewhere else.
5. What is your favorite season and why?
6. Ice cream or snocones? Why and what is your favorite flavor?
7. Favorite book of all times...both as a child and an adult.
8. What makes you happiest?
9. Reality tv: good or bad? Why?
10. Favorite meal of all time.
11. The chicken or the egg?

My Tags
Some of you have already been tagged so if you want to play along, feel free to tag yourself!

Valentine's Day Recap

2012-02-15T07:58:00.002-06:00

Hope you all had a great Valentine's Day and felt lots of love! DH did a great job making me feel loved. After he got home at 3am from pushing snow, I woke up a few hours later to chocolate and roses. Fat girl only noticed the chocolates and it took me a few minutes to see the giant vase of red roses behind the box of chocolates!

We headed to dinner at our favorite hibachi restaurant that we only go to on Valentine's Day and then came home for a s'more pizza for dessert-yum! We were both stuffed. I asked DH to snap this belly shot for you all, so here's your Valentine's Day present from me. Baby A and I at 27 weeks:
Love to you all for all your support throughout our journey!

Crib Time!

2012-02-13T18:17:00.002-06:00

Guess what DH and I did this morning before I went to work and the snow hit the Midwest. We put together the baby crib!!! Okay, he did most of it, I just held the parts up they wouldn't fall over. Here he is hard at work:
The Black Buffalo had snuck up from downstairs so he came in to inspect what was going on.

Ta-da!!! Finished product.

DH and I both dislike having our pictures taken so we always end up having our mouths open or our tongues sticking out. This was my niece's crib and it needs a new mattress. It was fairly easy to put together. It also turns into a toddler bed when we're ready for that. So woohoo!!!!!!! Crib-check! Mural is getting done this weekend and then I'll post a preview of the nursery even though it won't have much else going on in there yet. Great job DH, now get to puttin' that dresser together!

Random Thoughts

2012-02-10T17:29:00.003-06:00

This post is a mish-mash of my thoughts right now...enjoy!

My Body
Despite not having a big bump, I'm at that point of pregnancy where I'm just tired. It could be coupled with the fact that I have a lot going on at work right now, I've started "nesting" and I have 4 showers (not my own) to attend in the next few weeks but this girl is tiii-red! Lately, when I wake up in the morning, my feet are super sensitive. I guess because I've been laying flat all night so the blood flow isn't as good. It takes about a couple hours to get moving and then I'm fine. My fingers are also swollen in the morning when I get up but that goes away mid-morning as well. I told DH to keep an eye on my nose and if that gets swollen then we need to call the doc ASAP. Along those lines, I had knee surgery back in high school. It rarely gives me problems but here lately, I can't straighten my knee all the way and it's just really sore. I feel as though I'm kind of limping. Guess this is because of the extra weight.

Sorry if this next part is TMI but my nipples are getting darker which is expected with pregnancy. But then I noticed the other day, that my areola is growing and not in a regular circle like normal, just some dark spots here and there. Guess I just never paid that close of attention before.

When I change clothes, I can totally see a belly and it looks big. I guess I just hide it very well with the baggy clothes that I wear. I'm going to do my best to take a picture next week before our Valentine's date and I'll post it on here.

Other Pregos
They stress me out for a variety of reasons! One, some people due after me already are working on things that we hadn't even begun yet. A lot of this is due to the fact that I was so paranoid about everything being okay that we really didn't start working on stuff until we had our 21 week u/s.

I've also tried my best to not "flaunt" my pregnancy. I haven't made any status annoucements on Twitter or FB. I haven't posted any u/s pictures either. Occasionally, I'll tweet a question or something. Having dealt with infertility and having friends that are in the same boat, I'm trying my best not to upset anyone. Having said that, at the same time, I'm a bit "jealous" of all the other pregos out there because they tweet and do statuses about their pregnancy, babies, etc...

Nesting
DH says I'm nesting. My mom says DH is nesting more than me. I told DH wait until the nursery is ready and then he'll REALLY see some nesting. Just last night, I went through four boxes of "stuff" and got rid of 2!!! We're making SLOW progress but we're making it. I'm really excited for DH to get the dresser put together and the closet finished in the nursery so I can start putting stuff away. I've also started buying diapers on my weekly grocery trips so we'll have a good headstart by the time Baby A gets here. My grandma is also buying diapers weekly!

It also seems like every time we get a box out to go through it, it's full of MY stuff. Then DH wants to get rid of everything! When we FINALLY get a box of his out then he doesn't want to get rid of a thing. I've asked him to just get my boxes down for me and I'll go through them but he insists on going through them with me. I get a little bit of a big head when I see all my sports and academic awards/trophies; most of the conversations on those boxes include, "What, what?" or "Didn't know your wife was so awesome, did you?"

Okay, that's all the random thoughts for now because DH is yelling at me to come go through boxes! He's already telling me his Boy Scout stories, guess it's his turn! Oh and this is what happens to the poor Black Buffalo who wants to go through every box we open. He gets to try on whatever we find in the box!

The Pups Post

2012-02-08T16:17:00.002-06:00

After my 25 week post, a lot of you had questions about what we were doing with the puppies. So let me explain our thoughts, reasonings and plan.

First off, we have two LARGE dogs. The Black Buffalo, a 100 pound black lab and the Princess Pup, a 60 pound whatever you want her to be (seriously, everyone who sees her has an opinion what she is!). These two are like my children. The Princess Pup has been around longer than DH. Notice, I say MY, not our. I'm the major dog lover in the family. I always grew up with large inside dogs; DH grew up with large outside dogs. Being that the Princess Pup was around before DH, there wasn't much discussion as to whether the dogs would be inside or out.

I love having them in the house especially when DH is gone hunting or working late, they make me feel safe and ALWAYS make me feel loved. Sometimes I think they can read my emotions and feelings better than DH! However, there is some drawbacks...they shed...a lot...year round. They also bark at every person, animal or strange sound that goes by the house. Plus our house is not huge, it's a one-story ranch and with large dogs, at times, we can all be walking on each other.

The Black Buffalo actually came from a home that had 2 small children. The little girl learned how to walk with him because she'd stand up and hold on to him until she was ready to take those first few steps. He's so funny because it's like he knows how to act around different people. If an adult comes to our house, he's a jumper but if my niece or a small child comes over then he's gentle...still in their face but just out of curiosity. My niece always spends a week with us each summer and the Black Buffalo always sleeps in bed with her.

With the Princess Pup, children or adults, if you're a stranger then you're going to stay a stranger. Someone comes in the house, she barks and runs to the other room. If you stick around for awhile, she'll eventually come out and visit. She let's my niece pet her and lay with her but she's a momma's girl and would much rather be with me than anyone else (DH is a close second).

As stated above, I'm also a HUGE dog lover! I refuse to be one of those moms that has a child and then the dogs get no attention. That's why I REALLY want new carpet in the basement so we can spend time with them in the evening (the carpet now is thin and gross and been there FOREVER). We kennel them during the day while at work and I do NOT want to keep them "locked up" (meaning not in their cage but still just in the basement with no contact) all night too.

So our decision to move the dogs downstairs to our basement was a reluctant one on my part but a no brainer to DH. I know it'll make DH happier and I know it's best for the baby with the dog hair and noise plus it'll hopefully keep our upstairs (where people actually see!) cleaner which is good since I know having a baby limits your time to do daily tasks like vacuuming, dusting, etc...

I also want our baby to grow up with dogs and have that love for dogs, the friendship (I know that sounds silly but those of you with pups know what I mean), and not fearing dogs. I also wanted to transition the dogs before the babies get here so they don't resent the baby if we did it when s/he arrives. I have a feeling that Baby A and I will be spending most of my maternity leave downstairs with the pups (it's SOOO much cooler there in the basement) or taking walks with them (one at a time!) if the weather permits (MO summers get pretty toasty!).

I really didn't do any research on this topic. I wasn't told to seperate the dogs or anything. DH and I just made the best decision for our family. It was more or less based off how we know our puppies and their behavior. I think every family has to make the right decision for their family and you're the one that knows your pets best.

Now before you go feeling sorry for the dogs, as I type this post, the Black Buffalo is sprawled out over the couch in the basement while the Princess Pup is curled up next to him!

The Bump

2012-02-06T15:39:00.002-06:00

Okay, so everyone is asking if I'm showing or if I have a bump and yes, I'm now 26 weeks pregnant and alas, no real bump in regular clothes. At night when I'm laying down or in my pajamas, I totally notice it and so does DH. If you see me in person and I'm wearing something to show off the bump then you might think I'm showing. DH does, my SIL does, some co-workers do but I'm not really embracing the bump. Why? Well, because if you don't know that I'm pregnant then you would just lean over to your friends and say, "That girl should NOT be wearing that, she totally looks pregnant!" Plus, in general, I'm not a tight clothes wearing girl, I'm much happier in a hoodie or loose sweater which DH refers to as frumpy old woman clothing. He's loving the maternity tops because my boobs are HUGE in them.

Anyways, I was starting to get really concerned about this. Not so much the showing part, I've heard pregnant women complain about that enough, but I was concerned about the baby. At my appointment last week, I asked the NP and she said, no worries, that the baby was measuring on schedule and that my uterus was growing as planned so that relieved a lot of worry. She also told me that I have very LONG torso so the baby has more room to go up and down instead of jutting out. I found this funny since at all of five feet four inches, long has NEVER been a word to describe me except maybe sometimes my hair. She also mentioned that since this is my first pregnancy, that my muscles are still tight holding my belly in. I love to hear that I have muscles in my stomach! You all know I don't do ab workouts but I sure love to laugh so I count that as my ab workout that's made my muscles "so strong." Now that I know, I'm a long torso-ed lady, I feel better knowing that the baby is good so as long as that's right then I don't care about not showing.

Glucose Test

2012-02-03T15:12:00.003-06:00

Wednesday morning I had the dreaded glucose test! Honestly, it wasn't as horrible as I thought it would be. At our employee Christmas Party, we had Orange Hi-C and the ratios were a bit...off and it ended up SUPER SWEET! The girls at work told me that's what my drink would taste like. Surprisingly, it wasn't nearly as sweet as the Hi-C. I wouldn't say it was good but I definitely won't be asking for it again. So the rules are: drink all of this in less than 5 minutes, document the time finished and arrive at the doctor's office 40 minutes later:

I had it cold and drank it with a straw. It took me about 2 minutes to finish. You aren't supposed to eat or drink anything after midnight. The eating part wasn't so bad but I was SOOO thirsty and my teeth felt so gritty. I just brushed my teeth without toothpaste or water to try to get the grime off. My alarm went off at 5:51am, I hit snooze and drifted back to sleep. In my dream, I was eating EVERYTHING and everything I ate was made of sugar. Then I realized I wasn't supposed to eat anything. I woke up in a panic wondering if I should call the doctor then I had to remind myself that I hadn't really eaten anything. I tell you, pregnancy really DOES make you have super, weird dreams!

DH went with me to the appointment. In my mind, the whole reason he was going was to drive since all I would have had was the glucose drink. Nope, he made me drive and later told me that he only went because he thought we got to see the baby again! Men-I swear sometimes he doesn't listen. So I got to the office, waited until 8:58, exactly one hour later and they drew my blood. Doc said they'd call me the next day with test results.

Of course, I couldn't wait so I called the office around 1pm and...I PASSED!!! Woohoo! I feel like that's such a huge milestone for me because I'm a bigger girl and I love sugar so I was really worried about that. Whew!

25 Weeks...Already!?!

2012-02-01T14:55:00.003-06:00

Today I had my 25 week appointment. Can you believe I only have 15 weeks to go? May seems like a long ways off but when you say 15 weeks, that makes me feel like it'll be here in a blink of an eye!

Today's appointment was pretty routine with the exception of the glucose test (I'll do a post about that later). After that, I gave my urine sample and met with a NP I hadn't met yet. She was really friendly but closed her eyes when she talked. She noted that we didn't want to find out and was being super secretive about hiding my chart from us. Baby's heart beat was 140 which is good! And she was very happy with my weight, I'd gained 2 lbs since my last appointment but was happy I'd slowed down after my huge weight gain last time. My uterus was growing as as it should be (I'll do another post on baby bump). And really, that was about it!

I go back in 3 weeks and then I start every 2 weeks. OMG!?! I'm already at every 2 week appointments-can you believe that!?! I scheduled ALL the rest of my appointments from now until May 17.

Randomness update:

*I'm still feeling really good. Although still tired here and there.

*We're making SLOW progress, but hey-it's progress, on the house. The nursery has the base coat done which turned out a bit more blue than I expected but I still like it. The dresser has been delivered (thanks Pop for that purchase!) and we have the crib too. Supposedly, the computer room will be back to normal tonight (which is good since my mom is spending the night tomorrow night!) so that's one room we can cross off the list. Once he gets the doors back up, we can move the dresser and crib into the baby room and put them together then we're just waiting on the mural to be painted!

*We've started transitioning the doggies to the basement. I think it's hardest on the Princess Pup. At night before bed and in the morning right after the alarm goes off, she'll bark for us. It melts my heart but I know this is the best situation and it's better to start now than when the baby arrives. I'm hoping DH and his friend hold through with the promise of new carpet in the basement and that'll be our family room when the baby arrives. I've been spending most of my evenings and mornings off with them in the basement so they're still getting lots of attention. Since the weather's been so great, I've been taking the Princess Pup on lots of walks, we actually headed to a park today. Unfortunately, the Black Buffalo really needs more of the walking but I'm too afraid to walk him by myself knowing that his stocky 100lbs could pull me down very quickly. DH has been taking him to some conservation land and running him a couple times a week so they're still getting exercise and attention but I miss them putting their on the bed beside me at night.

*Visited the other pediatrician's office today and I think we have a winner!!!

*DH has done an awesome job getting things done around the house. His dad came and helped him paint last weekend and my MIL came over too (I was at work). She cleaned our master bathroom and our kitchen. AMAZING!!! I'm so grateful for all their help.

Giveaway Winner!!!

2012-02-01T07:27:00.000-06:00

Thanks for everyone's feedback on the girl name, we still haven't decided. Our leading G girl name (and one time chosen girl name) was Gracyn or Grayson then I decided I didn't want that name because I didn't want her to be called Grace or Gracie. Then I changed my mind but then DH didn't want the name because it was a boy name. That's weird to me because I grew up knowing a girl Grayson so it's always been a girl name to me but recently it's become a boy name. Autumn is growing on me so it's still in the lead. We're still contemplating...who knows, we may not decide until the baby gets here and we know for sure that she's a girl!

So without further ado, I've already ado-ed enough, the winner is Mrs. Mocha !!! So please contact me and let me know how to get your your prize. Thanks again to everyone for your input!

PS
Rabbit, rabbit!!!

Thoughts on Newt?

2012-01-30T15:57:00.001-06:00

I'm sure you've all read the news but I'm interested to see what you think about Newt Gingrich on the topic of IVF...Republican or Democrat. Here's a link to the article.

Here is just an excerpt from the article, "Gingrich added that he would also create a commission to study the ethics of in vitro fertilization, which has involved the creation of hundreds of thousands of excess embryos stored or discarded by fertility clinics.“I believe life begins at conception, and the question I was raising was what happens to embryos in fertility clinics, and I would favor a commission to look seriously at the ethics of how we manage fertility clinics,” Gingrich said at a news conference outside another Baptist church here. “If you have in vitro fertilization, you are creating life; therefore, we should look seriously at what the rules should be for clinics that are doing that, because they are creating life.”

Thoughts???

If This Baby is a Boy...

2012-01-27T20:28:00.002-06:00

We have a boy name! Well, we've had it for awhile. This is a name we'd decided on when we first starting trying and then we didn't discuss it the whole time we went through fertility treatments and when we found out we were pregnant, we STILL didn't discuss it much.

I didn't want to find out the sex and I didn't want to tell names. DH wanted both. So we compromised and agree to NOT find out the sex but we could tell names. It was kind of a win-win for me because DH had already been telling people our boy name!!! So without further ado...if Baby A is a boy, his name will be Gunnar Jackson.

DH really wanted the name Hunter for a boy but I denied that. 1. Because every other of his friends has a child (both male and female) by the name of Hunter and 2. I thought it was a little too cliche since DH loves to hunt. I absolutely LOVE the name Gunnar because I only know 2 other people by that name (one in college and one my dad's age). I think it's unique but not too crazy and it means "battle warrior." I worried that it might be a bit cliche too with the hunting theme but I got over that quickly. Jackson is both my dad and my grandfather's middle name. I got the middle family name since the baby is taking on his last name.

At Christmas, we told our families our boy name (and this is probably why we're a bit more hesitant on settling on a girls name and telling people; hence the whole reason I didn't want to tell names in the first place!). Here's how everyone reacted:

DH's mom, sis & brother-LOVED IT!

DH's dad-"Well, I guess I'll get used to it."

DH's Grandma-"Well that's a good German name." (It's actually Scandinavian but we didn't correct her.) Five minutes later when the name was mentioned again, "What kind of name is that???"

My dad, sis, niece & grandma-LOVED IT!

My mom-likes Gunnar, hates Jackson (go figure! and is now trying to push a family middle name from her side on the girl name and also argued that it wasn't fair to DH's family)

Some people we've told will say, "Gunther?" which makes me think of the barista from "Friends." But I don't care because that's our boy name and DH and I both absolutely LOVE IT!!! In fact, we call the baby Gunnar more often than not, so should this baby come out a girl, she's not going to be very happy with us!

Surviving the Registry!

2012-01-24T20:36:00.000-06:00

Yes, friends, I survived registering for all the baby stuff and I'm happy to say DH and I are still married. After all the comments about what to register for, I spent an ENTIRE weekend researching baby products. My mind was on OVERLOAD but when I started to get overwhelmed, I stopped and said to myself, "Self, as long as you have:

1. A car seat
2. Diapers
3. Food
4. A place for the baby to sleep

then you'll be okay." DH may be running to the store every 5 minutes but we'll have the basics to figure things out as we go. Needless to say, my registry was 3 handwritten notebook pages!?! DH was shocked when he got home from hunting and I showed it to him. I thought I was being smart and had gone ahead and registered for the "small stuff" at Target without him. Then last Thursday, we headed back to finish up the registry and World War III almost broke out. He questioned EVERYTHING I wanted to register for and not in the I'm curious and want to know way, more in the WTH? way. By the time we got to the end of the list, I'd given up and let him register for whatever he wanted. We left the store sans Slurpee (I was really craving one once I walked in and saw the machine) and near tears.

After a LONG discussion, we decided we would try again together and headed to Babies-R-Us this past Sunday. It went so much better! I almost got overwhelmed when I printed out 3 other friends registries to get them a gift and realized I didn't have "everything" the same as them but I ended up just getting them a gift and not stressing over it. I was also pretty excited because this is the first time that I parked in the Expectant Mothers parking spot!!!
I will tell you this though, an hour in a half registering really makes a girl have to pee...I went twice. Once when I first got there, right when they opened and I thought wow these bathrooms are really clean. Then I went about an hour later and I was gagging they were so gross...pee on the seat, long hairs on the seat-ugh! I'm going to do my best to teach our child not to pee on the seat.

When I got to work on Monday, my co-workers looked up my registry. What do you know that my boss had the exact stroller we registered for and I had the carseat in my car that we're going to use! Both of us and another co-worker, headed outside to see if the carseat fit (it did!) and I got to try out the stroller-woohoo! I feel much better knowing that it will work.

So are we done with the registry? Probably not but I have started it and have a good heads start on it. I'm sure there will be lots of additions along the way. I plan on adding some big stuff like a video camera and steam cleaner (stems and sanitizes bigger stuff so no chemicals to clean-woohoo!). Do I expect someone to buy that for us? Probably not but closer to your due date both Babies-R-Us and Target send you coupons so we can at least buy it and get some money off.

I officially bought the dresser that will match the crib tonight. Thanks to my sister for letting us borrow the crib and to my daddy for buying the dresser! I'm really excited about the swing we found because you can take the seat off and it's a bouncer! We weren't planning on registering for both so when we found this we were super pumped!

Now my plan is also to borrow things because 1. it'll save us money and 2. we won't have to store it once we're done using it! So here's my list of things we need to borrow, anyone out there that knows me IRL and cares to share, let me know! Of course, my number one priority is safety so I plan on borrowing these things as long as they are safe.

To Borrow
1. Bumbo
2. Play mat (where the baby lays on their back and plays with the stuff above them)
3. Moby Wrap
4. Exosaucer
5. Stroller-not like a travel system or a jogging stroller, just something smaller and more compact
6. Safety gate (if it works with our door frame7
7. Any other toys (big or little) and clothes (once we know the sex)
8. Crib (borrowed from my sister)
9. Infant carseat (borrowed from my bestie; still in good shape; gonna take to the fire department for inspection)

My mom is also known as the Quilting Queen so Grandma has a list of things to make:

To Make
1. Boppy Covers (Thank you Pinterest for this link!)
2. Shopping Cart Cover (Again, thank you Pinterest for this link!)
3. Baby Quilt (we didn't really pick out bedding, just plain colored sheets and then we'll use the quilt to decorate until the baby is old enough to use it)
4. Lamp shade (already have the lamp, going to buy a shade and try to match it to the theme of the nursery)
5. Wall prints to frame for the nursery

So there you have it! We survived registering but we have a long way to go! Say some prayers for me and Baby A as we have our glucose test next week. In the meantime, tune in for posts on our boy baby name (it's official!), the bump debate and the winner of my giveaway!

Addictions

2012-01-22T14:20:00.002-06:00

I have found two new addictions...

1. Buying baby clothes! And since we're not finding out the sex, it's bad because I get to visit BOTH sections. Currently, I only buy baby clothes if I can find them for less than $2. Ridiculous? Not so much! I found two pairs of shorts the other day, one for 97 cents and the other for 47 cents PLUS they were 40% off those prices! So I will probably be giving away a lot of baby clothes once Baby A arrives and we know the sex. I seriously have to tell myself, "No...stay away from the Carters."

2. Feeling Baby A move! Yesterday, s/he was moving like CRAZY. At night, I lay down on my back and either DH or I will put my hand on my belly to feel the movements. I seriously think this kid was turning flips last night. Some nights, I'm so tired but I can't move my hand away. Eventually I just turn off the tv and drift off to sleep.

Update: Registries are done for the most part. However, I have a feeling I will be adding and changing a LOT before Baby A arrives. Oh well, at least we have a starting point! Will do a post on that later. And I haven't forgotten about letting you guys know what I'm giving away in the last post. It's just been a crazy weekend and I haven't had time to snap a pic yet!

Giveaway and Girl Name Advice Needed!

2012-01-21T08:55:00.002-06:00

...okay, all! DH and I are doing massive cleaning and storing and packing and repacking of our house to make room for this little baby that's coming our way. In the process, I have found decorations that have been stored away and not pulled out since oh...2006 when I moved into my house!

We also need help with girl names!!! We have our boy name picked out (another post for later) but cannot agree on a girl name. Our front runner right now is Autumn but I have two drawbacks to this name:

1. DH has a cousin named Autumn although in the 5+ years we've been together, I don't ever recall meeting her.

2. Is she going to resent being named Autumn but being born in the spring? DH said, "No, she'll say, that's the ironic part...my parents named me Autumn but I was born in the spring." I said, "Yeah right, she'll be like, No, my dumbass parents named me Autumn but I was born in the spring!" DH was like our Autumn would never say that. I said, I bet that's one thing we can bet she'll say.

So here's the criteria...

1. Middle name is probably going to start with an R, either Rose or Rosalee.

2. Last name starts with a G.

3. Something different, but not too out there. I loved being the only of my name in my classes growing up but hated my name being pronounced wrong.

4. Nothing too common...so if it's in the top 50, it's a no-go.

5. I would really like a G first name but so far haven't loved any G girl names i.e. Gretchen, Gia, Gina, Grace, Gabi, Gabrielle, etc...

I'm going to give one lucky commenter some type of decoration that my mom hand made. I will post a picture later because I'm literally walking out the door to meet my bestie for some maternity clothes and baby stuff-woohoo!!! So please leave a comment with your best girl name suggestions! You have until 1/31 at 5pm to submit an entry for the giveaway but feel free to leave girl name suggestions whenever. I'll announce the winner on 2/1.

Thanks in advance for your help!

PS
Baby room walls have been primed and paint has been purchased! DH and his dad are painting the room next Saturday when I work. As for the rest of the house, we are SLOWLY making progress. All I have to say is thank goodness we have trash day 2x/week!

"It's Complicated"

2012-01-17T10:17:00.002-06:00

Well, pediatrician interview #1 is in the books. Luckily, DH was able to go with me. Unluckily, neither of us liked this doctor. He was reciting us facts about how medicine works and when penicillin was invented but neither of us got that warm-fuzzy feeling. When we got in the car and DH asked my thoughts, I told him I just couldn't picture this guy holding a baby or consoling a sick child. DH felt like as the doc learned more about us then he'd customize our answers to what we wanted to hear because he'd start answering one way then in the middle totally switch to another route. Also, a lot of answers would be, "it's complicated" or "if it's complicated." And to top it all off...he's a CUBS fan!!! BOO-HISS! And he went on a whole rant about the Cardinals and the stadium. I told DH, I know that shouldn't sway my decision but I already wasn't feeling him before that and when he started that, I was like okay no.

So now I guess I'm going to look at the other clinic Dr. Mat suggested even though we can't meet them ahead of time. I'm also going to look into other pedis in our town to see if I can meet with them and then get feedback from people.

We live in an area where we could technically go to like 3-4 different towns for our doctor. Our house is like a mile from a local hospital and tons of doctors. I may open my criteria but I really want one that's close to our home so that when/if I have to pick up a sick baby, I can go straight to the doctor and get him/her home rather than driving all over. But, if I don't find one, then I'll have to open up my preferences and drive a little more.

OH! And as I type this, DH is priming the walls for painting in the nursery!!!

Pediatrician Dilemma

2012-01-13T10:02:00.002-06:00

Before my next OB appointment, I have to have a pediatrician picked out. My doctor referred me to two different clinics and I made some phone calls. Here is what I found out about both:

Option #1
PROS
*Does visit you in the hospital
*Open on Saturdays
*I can come in and meet with him BEFORE the baby is born
*Only 1 doctor so you always have the same one
*Close to home
*Almost always get in with a sick child the same day unless you call right at closing
*Will offer breastfeeding help
CONS
*Half day on Wednesday
*Only one doctor so if he's on vacation, you see someone else (PRO: the other doctor is a great doctor that works at one of the nation's best children's hospital)
*No sick/well waiting rooms

Option #2
PROS
*Does visit you in the hospital
*Open on Saturdays
*Three doctors in the practice but you pick a primary
*Close to home
*Almost always get in with a sick child the same day unless you call right at closing
*Will offer breastfeeding help
*Has a well/sick waiting rooms
CONS
*2 of the 3 doctors are PT so not there every day (but one of them is there every day so I could pick her as the primary)
*Does not meet with patients before the baby is born but office manager will give you a tour of the office

My thoughts on Option #1: The same doctor is there the whole week. However, this makes me think that the wait might take awhile. When I asked about this, they said they try to stay on schedule but it depends on everyone coming in and at most the wait could be 15 minutes. I also asked about the sick/well side and she said they do not offer that. Then she explained why stating that when they did offer that, parents didn't want their sick child around other sick children so they were coming to the well side. So they try to schedule all newborns/infants first thing in the morning or after lunch. Also, if your child has a rash/chicken pox or low immune system, they will immediately take them to a room to wait.

I really love the idea of meeting him before the baby is born so when he comes to the hospital, it's not just a stranger walking in and we're meeting for the first time. Although, he is a one-man practice and will probably take vacation, the doctor they said that covers gives me a warm-fuzzy feeling because he comes from DH's favorite hospital (he spent a lot of time there as a child).

My thoughts on Option #2: More doctors might mean less of a wait although they said that they always try to get you in to see your primary doctor (unless of course it's a day one of them isn't working). I absolutely do NOT like not meeting them until the baby is here. What if they walk in and visit with us and we don't like them? Plus with there being 3 in the practice, how am I supposed to decide who to be the primary?

I'm really leaning more towards Option #1 and I have a meeting with the doctor on Monday so I'm excited about that. Option #2 is mailing me paperwork to look through about their clinic. I asked DH if he cared before I started calling around and he just told me to make the best decision. Unfortunately, he won't be able to go with me on Monday so it all lays on my shoulders. My OB, Dr. Mat, recommended them both so I feel like either decision will be a good one.

Let me know your thoughts and how you pick or will pick your child's pediatrician.

Need Registry Help!!!

2012-01-11T16:22:00.002-06:00

...okay, I'm starting to get overwhelmed. I was so nervous/scared the first half of my pregnancy that I didn't want to do anything to get ready for the baby. Now that we've been feeling him/her and we saw our sweet baby yawning at our last u/s, I realize it's time to get moving!

We've started working on getting things ready at the house. Honestly, I just feel like we've moved everything upstairs to the downstairs and haven't really done much. I'm *hoping* DH gets on painting the nursery on January 28 because I work all day but we'll see. Things are kind of at a stand still with what I can do at the house right now because the guestroom has been emptied so now it's time to think about the registry and nursery.

This is where I start to freak out! What in the world do I need??? I started to print off a generic list and it had like 8 different items on it for the baby to sleep in. Um...our house isn't that big so I don't think we need a crib/bassinet/portable crib, etc...for every room in our house!

So please...help me! I think we're going to register at Target and Babies-R-Us. Leave me a comment with any and all advice...what I HAVE to have, what I don't really need, brands, how much of each items, websites I should visit to check safety of products.

Anything you think a first-time mother needs to know..lay it on me! Thanks in advance!

Houston, We Have Movement!

2012-01-09T10:00:00.002-06:00

Yes, we have started to feel the baby move! It's so exciting and really makes it...real! I've been feeling the baby since 19 weeks. DH would lay his hand on my belly every night in hopes that he would feel something. Right before I left for Florida, he said, "It's not fair you get to feel the baby and I can't." Aww...

So I headed to Florida and enjoyed my flutters with my baby as I would lay down at night for bed. I also started to feel him sometimes in the morning. The Tuesday before I headed back, I was laying in bed and I always put my hands on my tummy when I felt the movement with my hand!!! Then I couldn't wait to get home! The next day, DH picked me up from the airport and I told him, "Game plan, get home, unpack, take a shower then lay down so you can feel the baby."

We got home and rushed around doing everything before we laid down. He put his hand on my belly and didn't feel anything. :( He left his hand there and started watching TV. I felt something and looked at DH whose eyes got real big. I smiled and asked, "Did you feel that?" and he nodded. Then he was just staring at my stomach waiting for more.

The next night, I was laying in bed and the Black Buffalo had his head on my belly. DH looked at him and said, "Baby, kick Shadow in the head." Silly boys! Then this past Saturday, we got to sleep in...finally! I was laying on my back and DH was on his side with his arm over my belly. We were both half asleep and I felt the baby move. Without opening his eyes, DH moved his hand to my belly. I whispered, "Did you move your arm because you felt the baby kick?" He nodded. It's so much fun and so real now! However, when he kicked me square in the vagina the other day, I had to give him the "Dude, that's TOTALLY not cool" talk.

Baby Awesome at 21 Weeks!

2012-01-06T11:47:00.002-06:00

All went well today! Thank you for the prayers. Baby Awesome was looking, duh-awesome, weighing in a 1 pound and a heart rate at 151. Since we didn't find out the sex, I only got headshots but there was some awesome pics of his/her spine that I wished we'd gotten a copy of, I'll ask next time.

Here's our little baby's head and chest:
The whole time she was taking measurements and showing us the kidneys and stomach, the little stinker was moving the whole time, she said she was chasing him. Then when it came time to get a picture of his face, he had his back to us so we had to wake him up. Here he is saying, "Come on guys, let me sleep!" We also got to see him yawning which was so precious! I can't wait to see him do that in my arms.The tech told us not to look while she did the antanomy scan but DH was STARING at the screen!!! I was covering his eyes and I don't *think* he saw anything, if he did, he's not saying.

The bad part of the visit is that I think I gained a lot of weight, I haven't really been keeping track but I was watching and was like...that keeps going up, up and up. Dr. Mat said I did need to watch my weight, she gave me the benefit of the doubt due to the holidays. So starting tomorrow (since it's grocery shopping day), more fruits and veggies...no more PBJ and I'm going to start walking. Luckily, the weather has been very nice here in MO so hopefully I can take the Princess Pup on a few walks outside before winter really gets here, no way do I trust the Black Buffalo on a leash right now. I was really upset about the weight thing but then I decided, why be upset? Being upset won't get anything done so make a plan and do something!!!

Now on to the sex...I feel like it's a boy. Why? Well, the Chinese calendar says boy, I'm carrying VERY low and I guess just intuition says boy. So I will probably refer to the baby as a boy from here on out. I can't wait until May to find out for sure!

Baby's First Trip to Florida!

2012-01-05T19:40:00.002-06:00

Baby Awesome made his first trip to Florida! Granted, he/she probably won't remember much of it but he/she's been there!

First off, flying while pregnant wasn't that bad. Per my doctor's orders, I had to deny going through the metal detector and have a pat-down...nothing like being felt up early in the morning! I also took an empty bottle to fill with water once I made it through security. I had to carry my water with me so if we got stuck on the tarmack (luckily we didn't!) then I wouldn't get dehydrated and even though my flights were only 2 hours and 1 hour, I still had to get up and walk which was no problem since I have to pee every 5 minutes. Seriously, after the first afternoon there, I told my mom that I felt like I was on a tour of bathrooms in Florida because EVERY place we stopped, I had to use the bathroom.

Honestly, all I did on this trip was relax which was AMAZING and much needed! I mean I still got out and about and saw things like this (he's just chillin' on the bank with a turtle):

But most of the time, you could find me by the pool (NOT in a swimsuit, just shorts and a tshirt) reading a book or my mom and I were shopping. Here are some of our scores:

Orange one says "Bananas for Mommy" and the yellow one says "Mommy's Major Hunk"

The cutest socks/shoes!

Aww..."Daddy's Princess" and "My Heart Belongs to Daddy" shirts!!!

Umm...yeah, we shopped!

Luckily, we got almost all of this stuff at a steal of a deal (some stuff was barely $1!!!) so we got both boy and girl clothes and some neutral stuff. Anything camo also went in the cart (since DH loves to hunt and our child, boy or girl, will be in camo). So the boy/girl stuff we won't use, we're going to donate to local organizations in our home town so nothing will go to waste.

All the clothes are still in Florida though because you know me and I don't want to have it in the house yet until after our appointment tomorrow. I am 21 weeks and it's our BIG u/s! DH and I are both really excited even if we aren't finding out the sex because I haven't seen the baby since 10 weeks and DH at 6 weeks when the baby was just a wee little sac! So please say a prayer for us that Baby Awesome is doing well and we get a good report tomorrow. Will update as soon as I can! Happy New Year!

Target FAIL!

2011-12-31T19:40:00.001-06:00

I ordered a maternity shirt from Target...I got a pair of bikini bottoms instead. TARGET FAIL!!!

Happy New Year ladies!

Pants, Fatigue and Foot Massages

2011-12-27T17:08:00.004-06:00

Today's post is going to discuss maternity pants, how flippin' tired I am all the time, discuss DH's wonderful foot massages and show way too many pictures of my belly. On to the excitement!

First off, I'm at this weird not really ready for maternity pants but totally getting uncomfortable in regular pants stage. DH thinks I'm squishing the baby in my current pants:

DH was super sweet and for our wedding anniversary back in October, he gave me a gift card to Kohl's to buy maternity clothes when I needed it. Well, I've been putting it off and putting it off so we finally went today. We walked and walked and I finally asked where their maternity section was...yeah, it was like 3 rows and that was it. Needless to say, we didn't find much and DH was totally bumming. I told him not to worry, I can ALWAYS find ways to spend money at Kohl's so the gift card wouldn't go to waste.

We then headed to Gordman's who didn't have a huge selection either but I found a pair of jeans that I liked. As I said before, I definitely don't think I'm ready yet but they are just way more comfortable: However, being all of 5'4 I usually buy petite or short pants. Maternity pants at discount stores don't come in these options. I'm sure some store out there does but I'm a cheapskate and I don't really want to spend ANY money on maternity clothes so I was happy to buy those jeans for $20 and I'll just roll up the bottoms or wear taller shoes.

Then we headed to the mall and I saw an Old Navy so we decided to go in and check it out. DH found these khaki cords which are perfect for work. I wasn't really wanting to buy any more pants because I'm going to FL later this week and my momma is going to take me shopping but DH was going on and on how he really liked these and they looked great so I decided I'd go ahead and buy them because I know I'll get my money's worth (I wear khakis usually 3-4 times/week). He went to get the truck (it was still bananas) and I jumped in line. Imagine my surprise when the pants rang up for only $9 (they already had a clearance sticker for $23)!!! Again, a bit long but I'll make it work!My bestie emailed me last night because she's going through her son's infant stuff and wanted to know if I wanted any. Yes please!!! So we're going to try to meet up one weekend in January to exchange (she lives on the other side of the state). She said she had an infant car seat with 2 bases and LOTS of maternity clothes! I figure the car seat can go in my MIL's car so we don't have to move car seats around all the time and hopefully the clothes will help me get through to May. Her son was also born in May and we're about the same size-woohoo!

Now on to fatigue, I thought you got your energy back in the second trimester!?! Apparently, I'm not but then again, it's the holidays and I have a TON going on. Today, DH and I ran around town returning and shopping and by about 2:30, I told him, I'm not sure how much longer I can handle this. The crazy thing is, we didn't even get out of bed until 9am and we were asleep by 11pm. Oh, I've also been having weird, vivid dreams which I think have kept me from falling into a deep sleep.

The fatigue issue falls into DH's amazing foot massages. He may not be super compassionate or understanding ALL the time but the man tends to my feet and I can't complain about that! I'm waiting for him to get home right now because a day out on the town has really made them TIRED!

I hope everyone had a great Christmas!!!

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-25T14:22:00.005-06:00

I hope everyone is having a great Christmas! Today I am official 20 weeks which means I'm halfway through! Holy ****!!!! I mean woohoo for being halfway there but OMG! There is sooo much to do in just 20 weeks! This year's Christmas gift (20 weeks) is much better than last year's (see timeline to the right). As my Christmas gift to you, I figured I'd do my first belly shot:

It took quite a few attempts to get this one and the Princess Pup was a bit bored by the time we got this one.

This was one of the earlier ones where she was still interested and don't mind the u/s shrine in the background :)
DH says it's hard to tell that I have a bump when I'm in pants because I'm carrying so low so can we all say HELLO BOY! It's not official, we have decided we aren't going to find out but I'm confident that it's a boy (I'll do another post on that later).

My sweet DH got me a glider for the baby's room as my Christmas present!
I love it and can't wait to use it. First off, I need to find some space for it! I asked if I could use it to read in until the baby got here and he said sure. Okay, we're off to another family gathering then headed to my parents tonight for a celebration tomorrow.

I hope everyone has a great and safe Christmas! My prayers are with all of you and HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS!

Our First Onesie!

2011-12-20T20:29:00.002-06:00

I received our first official baby gift today. It was from one of my assistant camp directors. Here is a picture:

It's so cute and so tiny!!! I really have a feeling I'm going to have a big baby so I hope he/she fits into this. Thank you D for this sweet gift!

Stress Free Infertility

2011-12-19T13:04:00.002-06:00

Hey guys! I'm featured over at Stress Free Infertility. Please go check it out! Happy Monday!

A lot to Learn

2011-12-15T12:18:00.003-06:00

I called Dr. Mat's office yesterday and was thrilled when I got the return message. My AFP tests came back negative-woohoo! Here is a link I found about AFP testing that I found very helpful.

DH and I both happened to have yesterday off which is odd because we didn't even plan it! We headed to Target and what a trip that was. My thoughts/experience at Target:

1. My pants are pushing their limits. I'm trying to hold out until I go to FL in three weeks so I can shop with my mom but I'm not sure I'm going to make it. While at Target, DH and I looked at maternity pants and maybe it was just the selection because I was like no way do I need THAT much "band" right now! I know I could get a Bella band but I just decided to make do fitting into my pants that I have now.

2. We stopped to look at the baby section. First off, DH was intrigued by the breast pump-he's a nerd! I told him, I've got to start researching all the different brands so I know what to register for when it gets to be time. His response, "Research? Just buy a bottle!" Then we moved on to the car seat selection, cribs, changing tables, etc...let's just say it should be interesting when we come to that part of the process and FYI ladies, I will be doing a post (but not yet!) asking for your input on brands, items, etc...that worked, didn't work...all that fun stuff so start thinking!

3. We then headed to the baby clothes department because I'm going to a baby shower (they specifically asked for clothes). Now most of the time at showers, I'm a diapers and stick to the registry type of person, I never buy clothes. I kept holding them up and looking at DH saying, they're so tiny! I was also looking at what type of clothing and what size they were. DH said, "Stop looking at the 3 month thing...sizing for kids is so weird. Like this (holds up an outfit), what's 3T mean?" Oh dear...he has so much to learn! I tried explaining to him that I didn't want to buy this baby a sweater if he was going to be 6 months during the summer time!

Also, while we were at lunch, we started discussing girl names...we have no idea where to start on that one! He kept saying Bethsheba (hopfully joking!) and then would look around the room and name objects, "How about Carousel? What about Santa?" He also kept wanting Ann. He did mention a name that we both liked then realized that we think that's his cousin's name!

The whole point of going to Target was to get some ideas of something I wanted for Christmas so he could tell his dad what to get me. DH was like, let's tell him you want a rocking chair but I was like I don't want a rocking chair. Finally I said, just tell your dad I want a breast pump. Should be interesting what I unwrap from my FIL on Christmas morning!

Great Grandma

2011-12-14T09:37:00.004-06:00

The other day, I came home to a Christmas card from DH's grandma. It is picture below:

It had a $10 bill with a note that says, "Start a bank account for the baby." Then the card says, "Blessing and I think it's "neat" that I'm going to be a Great Grandma. Looking for to seeing a Great Grand Child. Love to all." When DH got home from work, we had this conversation:

Me: "Did you see the card from your grandma? I thought it was super sweet!"
DH: "Yeah, it was sweet."
Me: "I guess I didn't realize that this would be her first great grandchild."
DH: "It's going to be her first time EVER being a grandma."
Me: "Um...she's YOUR grandma."
DH: "Oh yeah..."

Silly boy!!! I'm saving the card to put with the baby book and keepsake box whenever I start that...right now I just have a pile of everything from my RE, OB and any cards we've received on my dresser. I'm waiting until after 1/6 (our BIG u/s day) before I start to get organized.

Happy Wednesday all!

Whew! What a Night!

2011-12-09T09:33:00.002-06:00

So last night I headed to bed about 9pm, fell asleep and all was well until I woke up with chest pain. I woke up DH and told him I thought I had heartburn (on the right side of my chest) so he got me a glass of water, checked my pulse, I burped and we were good to go. Kind of scary but I'd been having heartburn so I kind of expected it and after that burp-whew, I felt so much better!

We fall back asleep and I'm laying on my left side, right up to DH with the Black Buffalo, AKA the 100 lb black lab, right against my back. Basically, I was wedged between the two. I got up about 4:30am about to pee my pants and as I get out of bed, my right ovary was so sore and tight! I sat down to pee and was peeing in spurts because it wasn't really painful, definitely not cramps, but I could feel it. Almost felt like a pulled muscle, does that make sense?

I laid back down thinking it was because I was in that funky position for so long so I laid on my back until I got up. Still a little tight and sore but again, definitely not cramping. So just wondering if any of you ever had that? Think it's just from sleeping weird?

OH! And when I'm in bed at night, I feel like I have a little bump but then it's gone when I put on clothes. Weird...

17 Week Check-Up

2011-12-08T15:52:00.004-06:00

Girls, I'm exhausted! Life has been so crazy hectic the past month. This past month has been super stressful with work, home, etc...To sum it up, there's like a million things that have to be done at the end of work before the end of year which has been delayed due to moving an entire building (which is no easy feat!), DH and I hardly ever see each other...he's super busy with work, hunting and he is no longer going to FL with me the week after Christmas because of work. I've spent the past 48 hours trying to figure out how to get down there myself and we won't mention his plane ticket that's just being thrown down the drain. So yeah...busy, stressful...that's how it's been!

Now moving on to my appointment! I got to actually see Dr. Mat...for about 5 minutes! Did another Doppler and the heartbeat was at 140. She said that was good but it dropped 20 beats since my last appointment (11/10) so I'll be doing some research on that. And really, that was about all that I did! I had blood drawn for an asp test, results should be back in a week. I scheduled our "big" u/s for 1/8 (I'll be 21 weeks). DH and I are still politely "disagreeing" about whether to find out the sex or not.

This appointment was a little whirlwind and I have to be honest, I didn't really like how I was treated. First off, I got there and the lady kind of acted like I was an idiot and had never been there...whatever, no big deal. Then I wait forever in the room, listening to the woman in the room next to me talk about her rash (glad I didn't go in that room after her!). While waiting the nurse tells me at my next appointment I'll be doing my gestational diabetes test. She goes to get the drink and brings back the paper. On the top, it states "Done during weeks 24-28 of pregnancy." So I point this out and say, I'm only 17 weeks to which she replies, no, you're 20 weeks. UGH! This happened last time too! She checks again and yes, I'm not crazy, I am 17 weeks. She says never mind and leaves. Then Dr. Mat comes in and it was seriously like the quickest appt ever and I could tell she was in a hurry. She did give me directions on what to do when I fly (deny the scan and get a full body search-SWEET!), did a quick Doppler and tell me my pants were too tight. Side note: Yes, I knew my pants were too tight. I was trying to fit into the size 12 jeans I've worn to every dr's appointment. I felt a bit like sausage but I got them on! Then before I knew it, she was about to leave and I was like, wait, wait, wait!

The past couple weeks, I'll be laying on the couch and my heart will beat really fast so I wanted to ask about that. Basically, it's normal for pregnancy but I didn't understand why because she was talking so fast and I was really tired too. When I feel that, I'm to check my heart rate and if it's over 140 then call. I think I can handle that.

Then we headed out to schedule the "big" u/s, hoping to do it the week after Christmas because DH and I are both off but, of course, totally full and the other 2 dates I'll be in Florida. SO January 6 it is but then the lady starts writing on the notes and she writes 1/9 and I'm like, umm....I thought you said the 6th? to which she replies, oh yes, sorry!

SO that's my story about my 17 week appointment! I have to go right a nasty letter to Expedia right now about how they falsely advertise and I need a nap!!! Even though it was a quick, hectic appointment, I'm glad it went well!

UPDATED: You might be thinking what the heck is an asp test? Well, how about an AFP test, sound better? Wow! AFP stands for alpha feto protein and determines if your baby could be a risks for having open spina bifida, Down's Syndrome or Trisomy 18. It would help if I knew what I was talking about, huh?

What NOT To Say

2011-12-02T09:38:00.003-06:00

What not to say to pregnant IFers that is, feel free to comment with anything you think should be added:

"How many?"
I'm pretty sure if there was more than one, I would say that right off the bat. For me, it's tougher to answer this question because it brings back the thoughts of Baby B and having to explain that.

"See I told you if you stopped thinking about it, it would happen." OR "Did you have to go through treatment?"
Yes, I've heard all the crazy stories too of people who just stopped thinking about it and the "pressure is off" and then it just magically happened. Besides you wouldn't ask people who got pregnant the good 'ole fashion way, "So what position did you use?" It's kind of the same thing.

"Next time..." or "When are you going to do this again?"
AH!!! Seriously, let me get through this pregnancy first before I even start contemplating a next time. At this point, I'm saying we won't do any more treatments. It's just so much on you financially, physically, emotionally...and to go through it with one child already (more power to you mamas out there that have done that)-whew! I won't say never though.

So that's my tips of what not to say to a pregnant IFer. And the "m" word is strictly off-limits and not allowed to be said in my presence. There's like a whole separate list of what not to say to pregnant women in general that I won't even get into, for instance..."it's the hormones."

Happy Friday all and I'm thinking of you today Bobbi! She's have a C-section today with her little FET miracle Tristan!!!

Real Time!

2011-12-01T06:00:00.003-06:00

Congratulations! You made it through all my post and we're finally in REAL TIME!!! Woohoo! Now...I don't really have much anything exciting to say-lol! My next doctor's appointment is next week, just a check up and drawing (more) blood for an asp test to look things like Down's Syndrome and other things like that. Say a prayer for me please!

I'm still super weird and although I am talking more about actually being pregnant, I refuse to do any planning, purchasing, etc...My co-workers know that the "m" word cannot be mentioned around me. They are also ready to start trading shifts with me but I refuse to do so until after my next doctor's appointments. I've told my mother and my MIL there will be no planning until after Christmas (although my MIL has called me twice to tell me she has a crib) and my mom in general is driving me bananas. We did Christmas at Thanksgiving with my mom's family and she bought me a maternity nursing nightgown. 1. I don't wear nightgowns. I like pants and this girl wants her who-ha covered! and 2. I'm weird about what I wear in front of other people so I would prefer to pick that out myself. I know, I know...it's the thought that counts!

DH and I are pretty sure we have picked out a boy name. As far as finding out the gender, I don't want to find out (which is TOTALLY not Type-A, OCD me) but DH does. I also don't want to tell names because most of the people I know are teachers or work with kids so I don't want to listen to the next six months of, "I had a kid named that..." or other comments. Noah and Precious are out of the running (they were never really IN the running) because apparently my mom had a bad experience with people named that. DH has told some people our boy name even though I asked him not to SO now that may be changed and as far a girl name goes, I won't agree until the delivery so he can't tell everyone that either!

So that my friends is where I am now. Feel free to ask comments because I won't have as much to post these days. Thanks for all your sweet comments and support! You all, as always, are the best!!!

P.S.
Rabbit, rabbit!

MAJOR STRESS!

2011-11-30T06:39:00.003-06:00

November 19, 2011
So this past week, we finally started telling people. Most people were THRILLED and couldn't be more happy for us. Telling DH's family was a major cluster as everything is with his family. His mom was excited. Then we went to see his dad and he read the little book I'd made and said, "Okay, she's pregnant, I get it." DH asked his brother if he was ready to be an uncle to which his brother replied, "For real? With A?" Umm...I don't think DH is running around behind my back doing IVF with another woman because we all know if he's sleeping around, he doesn't have to worry about knocking anyone up. We tried multiple times to call his sister and she never answered. His mom emailed me and said that my FIL told her and she's really excited. Yet she hasn't called DH or I either one.

This all went down last Thursday so as we were on the way home, I told DH not to slam on the brakes which started a WHOLE drama of everything getting blown out of whack. I had to work Friday night and DH stopped by. We hadn't talked since Thursday night. The only reason he stopped by to "apologize" was so that he could go out of town with his friends without a guilty conscience. There's a WHOLE plethora of reasons why I'm upset he left town that I won't get into other than to sum up that DH has ZERO time management skills and ZERO money skills. So since Thursday, I've been off and on weepy and upset and alone.

Saturday morning, I wake up and I'm still upset. My mom tells me I need to tell my cousins (these are the cousins that I didn't go to their mom's funeral because it was during my 2ww and my first beta was actually that day). I sent them both a FB message and here's what I said:

"Hey girls! Hope you're doing well. I wanted to apologize for not coming to Aunt G's funeral although I think she was with me that day. We were in the middle of fertility treatments and now I'm currently 14 weeks pregnant! I love you all very much!"

To which my cousin, W, writes back:

"Honestly, I was extremely hurt that u didn't come. This has been a tremendous heartache for us. And everyday is a struggle. I was happy to see your dad, sister and niece though. Congrats."

To which I immediately felt like shit and started SOBBING! Oh, did I mention I'm alone and can't talk to my husband because he's in the woods "hunting" (AKA drinking beer and partying with friends). Let me again recount that this cousin has three children by three different men, she didn't come to my wedding and I haven't seen her in...I can't even remember how long it's been. I made a selfish decision that I felt was right for my family and I stand by it. If I had to do it all over again, I would have. I wrote back and simply said, "I'll let them know." I emailed my dad, sis and mom and asked them to not speak to these cousins about me in the future.

So am I stressed? Umm...majorly! I know, I'm not supposed to be and I'm trying not to but it's not working! Maybe this is payback for me telling my co-worker the other day that I haven't really been emotional. Okay, I'm going to go take a semi-hot shower and nap. Hopefully, that'll make me feel better!

Freak Me Out!

2011-11-29T08:57:00.002-06:00

November 14, 2011
Duh, I'm a worrier! Last week, I had my doctor's appointment. Baby Awesome's heart rate was good, everything else looked good except that my TSH levels were low so they drew more blood (seriously, I have blood drawn ALL the time!) to double check. Let me be honest in saying that at this point, I have done ZERO research on pregnancy. I could tell you all about infertility inside and out but pregnancy not so much. I mean, I know the basics but I haven't in depth researched. So when she said this, I had no clue what that meant. So in my non-medical words, this is the summary...

TSH measures your thyroid hormones. I have never had issues with my thyroid prior to this one time. During your first trimester, it is difficult to measure your TSH levels because they are so close in similiarity to the pregnancy hormone.

Like the OCD/Type A that I am, I went home and researched this only to (surprise!) freak myself out. If you don't get this hormone under control, you can get hypothyroidism or hyperthyroidism. One of the side effects of hypo is mental retardation so you can only imagine my worry. I called first thing that Friday and was like, okay, I did some research and I'm freaking out: let's talk.

First off, my levels are LOW so if I had anything it would be HYPER not HYPO. Hyper occurs in 1 in 500 women. Part of my re-test came back and my level was .43. The bottom part of the level was .45 so I was only .02 under. Still, this is me we're talking about so I'm still freaking out. The nurse practitioner said that they would further test my T3 and T4 and that would determine whether there was an issue. The treatment would be a medicine called PTU. She said don't worry and call back on Monday.

So what do I do? I turn to Twitter and Dr. Miyagi. Here was our Twitter conversation:

Me: what do you know about the medicine PTU?
Dr. M: ultimately safe for those with symptomatic hyperthyroidism in pregnancy
Me: Norm # is .45, mine is .43; should I be worried? They are waiting for T3 and T4 results. Sorry to always pick your brain.
Dr. M: Probably fine, but you should verify with your MD
Me: she's a DO :) If it was something, it would be hyper though, right? Not hypo?
Side note: He and I have had this huge in-depth convo about DO vs MD
Dr. M: Hyper...yes, try not to worry, you will be okay:)
Me: Don't worry you say to the girl who asked you if my eggs would be okay by one missed shot! See you tomorrow!
Dr. M: I think there is power in repetition:) see you tomorrow

See, this is why I think Dr. Miyagi is a great doctor. One, he answers my questions and two, he does so in a way to make me feel better and to try to not get me to freak out. The next day was the MIA Conference & Dr. Miyagi reassured me throughout the day that this is normal, your body's hormones are wacky and he was sure I was fine. I also asked him if something was up at the clinic and started by saying, "I'm probably just reading into things-" to which he smiled and said, "Who? You? I would have never guessed!"

Okay back to the story. So, of course, right at 9am when they open on Monday, I called and my results were perfectly fine. For your T3 levels, they should be between 2-4.4; mine was 3. For your T4 levels, they should be between .82-1.7; mine was 1.17. Whew! I asked if I needed to be tested again and she said no. To just try to chill out between now and my next appointment.

I immediately tweeted Dr. Miyagi and said: Ok you were right. T3 is 3 & T4 is 1.17...so all good. Now I'll relax until I find the next thing to freak out about :)

So there's my story about my freak out...not my first and I'm sure not my last either!

"Mom, this is Dr. K..."

2011-11-28T08:02:00.003-06:00

November 13, 2011
So I told my mom and step-sister at the MIA conference yesterday. It was quite hilarious how it all went down. Dr. K and I had briefly worked it out how I would tell her. This is how it went down...

I was in the hallway picking Dr. Miyagi's brain about my thyroid levels & giving him suggestions for research papers but telling him that he'd have to dumb it down for me to understand when Dr. K arrived. I barely got to tell her hello when I saw my mom round the corner to head to the bathroom and I whispered, "She's coming, are you ready?" Dr. K nodded.

Let me break here. I tried to think of a special way to tell both my parents and I wanted to include Dr. K because I figured she never got to be included for this sort of thing. At the same time, knowing I was at an infertility conference, I didn't want it to be a big deal and to upset people's feelings so I was trying to figure out a way to get my mom and Dr. K away from the crowd. So this all just kind of worked out. Okay, back to the story!

My mom walks up and I introduce her to Dr. Miyagi and John from Apothecary and then I turned to Dr. K and said, "And this is Dr. K. She did my retrieval and transfer and now I'm pregnant." My mom had been smiling the whole time and just kept smiling as I said that. It took about 5 seconds and then her face went blank. She looked at me and said, "What? You're pregnant!" I nodded and she started crying and repeating, "You didn't tell me!" Uh...duh, that's kind of what I'm doing right now. I then told her that we put on the whole conference just for her so I could tell her.

So picture this, my mom sobbing, hugging me then Dr. K, kissing me then KISSING DR. K! Yes, you read that right...my mother kissed my RE!?! (Luckily, just on the cheek but more than once!) I said, "Mother! Did you just KISS HER?" They all laughed and Dr. K was crying right along with my mom. Finally, I told my mom, "Go to the bathroom before you pee yourself!" LOL! It was hilarious! Then my step-sis came down and we did the same thing. Luckily, there was no kissing this time around.

When Dr. K left, I thanked her again and apologized saying, "I hope my mother didn't traumatize you by kissing you!" She laughed and said it was the best kiss she'd received in a long time. Oye! My family is so CRAZY!!!

Update: She emailed me the Monday after the conference and asked that I stay in touch with her and send pictures, announcements, etc...She's so sweet-I LOVE HER!

A This & That Post

2011-11-27T16:35:00.005-06:00

November 1, 2011
*The Cardinals won their 11th World Series Championship in 2011 during my 11th week of pregnancy!!!

*I got a Gatorade the other day (my saving grace so I don’t go insane drinking so much water!). The expiration date was my due date-how weird!

*I finally looked at the calendar and realized that my due date (May 13, 2012) is Mother’s Day!

*Other than being totally constipated, I'm not feeling pregnant which, of course, worries me plus add on the stress of work and I'm a hot mess. I feel like hot mess is a trend on this blog...

November 9, 2011
I barfed this morning. I'm 13 weeks and 2 days. I freaked out because according to all the reading, I'm not supposed to have morning sickness and then I ralphed. I called the doctor's office and when the lady made me feel like an idiot, I was THAT pregnant woman. No, not that one...the infertile one. I said, "I'm sorry. This is just my first time and we had to do IVF so I'm just super worried!" Yep, I pulled the IVF card. I must say, she was much nicer afterwards.

So far, we've only told my dad, sis and niece. I am telling my mom this Saturday (and hoping she doesn't cause a scene!) and we were hoping to tell DH's parents tomorrow night. However, they can't get together. Geez, it might be Thanksgiving before we tell them!

DH and I have been debating whether I'm showing or if it's just the normal pooch that I've always had. I think I've decided that I am because it's hard underneath the flab, not soft and squishy like it normally is. Before we did the FET, I lost a ton of weight and got done to a size 12 pants. When I wear 12 now, well they are super tight so I really don't wear 12s any more, I wear 14s. I have to be careful with what top or you can see the pooch. If you had no idea, you wouldn't notice but since everyone around me is super suspicious, I feel like they're all staring (I know, probably in my mind!). So I either wear 14s with baggie shirts or 16s and have droopy butt going on.

November 11, 2011
Doctor's appointment yesterday. No u/s, just Doppler. Baby Awesome sounded good with a heart rate of 160. Aside from the great news about Baby A, the other great part was that I didn't even have to take my pants off! My thyroid levels were low so they drew more blood to re-test. Waiting on results so I'll do separate post about that. Nurse practitioner that I saw gave me the okay to officially tell. It's still so surreal!

World Series!!!

2011-11-26T08:34:00.003-06:00

October 20, 2011
Last night, my dad took my sister, my neice and I to our first ever World Series (and the Cards won!!!). DH and I had decided we weren't going to tell people until after we got off our meds. Halloween is the last day for PIO and all meds except prenatals-thank goodness! This girl's butt hurts! We went to dinner on Monday and DH and I decided that what better time to tell my dad, the biggest baseball fan ever, than at the World Series.

So we get to the game and my family is all dilly dallying around getting to the seats. I'm getting nervous and just want to blurt it out so I can get it off my chest. We finally get to our seats and get situated then I looked at my dad and said, "You know what? You're taking BOTH your daughter and BOTH your grandchildren to their first World Series game." Him and my sister were like, huh? Then my dad whispers, "Are you pregnant?" and I nodded. My sister and neice freaked out hugging me and I looked over at my dad who was tearing up. It was such a cool experience. Then I found u/s pics on my camera and showed them and filled them in on some stuff.

Then my dad said, "It doesn't even matter if they win or not now," which for my dad to say is HUGE! The rest of the night he kept looking at me and saying, "That's cool...really cool" and my 7 year old neice kept telling me, "I'm soo excited!!!" She even told my dad, "You're here tonight with 1 boy and 4 girls," then she looked at me and said, "because I want your baby to be a girl!"
She kept telling me I needed to be more excited but I'm still afraid to talk about it plus my back was killing me last night. It's still so surreal to me! I guess it's time I start realizing this is really REAL!

Oh, I got home tonight and my sister had emailed me. She said, "H said the best part of the game was finding out she was getting a new cousin and spending time with Papa." FYI-H is my neice. How sweet is that?

10 Weeks!

2011-11-25T08:10:00.002-06:00

October 17, 2011
Today was a good day! Between my last appointment with Dr. Val and today I was a hot mess. Between the spotting brown and vanishing pregnancy symptoms, I was freaking out. Today was my first appointment with my OB, who I had never met before. I got there and had to answer 5 million questions then get changed into a gown and then Dr. Mat came in. She shook my hand, we chatted and she said, let's see how everything is doing. YES! Guess what? No wandie!!! A regular 'ole belly u/s today! Baby Awesome was looking, well, awesome! Heartbeat 173, measuring at 3.28 cm and exactly 10 weeks and 1 day with the same estimated due date on 5/13/12. I'm really liking the 13th because that's exactly 2 months after my birthday! Pics of Awesome today:

It still amazes me that there's a BABY inside ME! After the u/s, I had to do the dreaded pap smear and you know what? It wasn't as bad as I remembered. Dr. Mat and I chatted for a LONG time, I'm pretty sure I backed her up for the whole morning. She hugged me twice and stepped on my toe once so I think we're good. She gave me a TON of reading then I went and got blood work and a paper saying to get a flu shot (which I've never done before). I don't go back for another 5 weeks BUT she said if I got worried, I could come in for a quick u/s...that my friends is what I like to hear!

I had acupuncture this afternoon and will now be going every other week. Since today was a good day, I decided to celebrate with some salted caramel ice cream-it was delish! We're going to wait until Halloween (the last day of my PIO, estrace and aspirin) before we start telling people. Whew, I feel SOOO much better and I love my new OB!

Come Monday!

2011-11-24T07:39:00.004-06:00

October 14, 2011
The past two weeks have sucked...hard core. Let's see on 10/3, I had an u/s and meeting with Dr. Val. I left feeling great because Baby Awesome looked perfect and I had graduated and was moving on to a regular OB. Then that Wednesday, I went to the bathroom and I had brown in my underwear and brown when I wiped. I called Mary, who was out of the office so Dr. K's nurse called me. She said as long as it was brown, I wasn't cramping, and it wasn't painful then this is normal. Of course, I went to the bathroom like 500x after that and nothing. By the time DH and I sat down to dinner, I felt 100x better thinking I had just overreacted. Then that night at 2am, I woke up to pee and the brown had returned. It was not heavy and only there when I wiped (which I wiped about 5x during one sitting). I made DH come look and since he's a pregnancy expert now, he was like that's normal, don't worry.

It continued throughout the day on TH and I tried my best to stay calm and not freak out. Then I called the new OB office to ask if I could get a TB test since I was pregnant and the nurse said, "Since you're not a patient yet, we can't give you medical advice." And then I lost it! At work, tears coming and I couldn't make them stop. I tried calling DH and he didn't answer. About 10 minutes later, he answered so I went outside to talk to him. While I'm sobbing on the phone to him and he's trying to help me get a hold of myself, a co-worker comes out, sees me on the phone and upset but still goes ahead and makes a phone call...really?!? I finally calmed down and luckily, I had acupuncture that afternoon.

When I walked into the acupuncturist office and she asked how I was doing, I lost it and started sobbing, barely able to talk. She then set me up with the needles and I have to admit I felt 100% better afterward. I always go to the bathroom before I leave there and when I did, no more spotting! The spotting had stopped!!!

The next week, I was okay but then suddenly on 10/12, I stopped feeling any symptoms of pregnancy. Well, my boobs are still huge and my uterus hard but other than that, nothing. So then I started freaking out. Then 10/14, I slept in and laid around all morning then I finally got up to pee and brown again! I called the OB and begged and pleaded and was able to move my appointment from Tuesday to Monday but ugh...that's still the WHOLE weekend to go through. And it's a new doctor so I don't want to chit chat, I want to get there, do the u/s and make sure my baby is okay and THEN we can small talk. No point in her getting to know me if things aren't okay, right?

I've googled and googled and most everything says that's fine but then there's one or two posts that say what I fear. Seriously, I've said it before and I'll say it again, this first trimester is like a constant 2ww. I suggest investing in an u/s machine so you can check on your baby daily! Hurry up and come Monday!!!

November 24, 2011
Today is Thanksgiving and I have to write a few things I'm thankful for:

*My beautiful Baby Awesome!
*Dr. K and Dr. Miyagi
*My great support system
*Advances in medicine
*Time with family today

I hope you all have a great Thanksgiving!

Updated 11/24/11 at 7:55AM
This morning I got up, took my prenatal and laid back down. About 45 minutes later, DH and I started to get up to get ready for the big Thanksgiving festivities. He said he was going to make some coffee and I asked if he'd make me some PBJ toast because I could tell my stomach was starting to get upset. He leaves the room and about a minute later, I run to the bathroom and drop to my knees to start praying to the Porcelain Potty. I start calling for DH and he comes in right as I throw up my prenatal. DH makes this awful groaning sound and starts to leave and then he remembers that he's supposed to support me so he reaches over and pats my back without looking. It was freakin' HILARIOUS!!! Even though I had tears in my eyes and my head in the toilet, I was laughing at him. So lesson learned...always eat with your prenatal!

Constant 2ww

2011-11-23T07:35:00.004-06:00

October 6, 2011
I apologize now because this post is going to be gross but I want to document every detail. So yesterday, I came to work and everything was fine and dandy until I went to the bathroom. I had spots in my underwear and I wiped there was thick, brown discharge. I calmly wiped until it was gone then found a pad in my purse and put it on. I went to my car and called Dr. Val’s office. It wasn’t until I started to speak that I could hear the tears and panic in my voice. I ended up talking to Dr. K’s nurse who asked me if I’d had sex recently or lifted anything heavy, had I been constipated, etc…I told her I went to the Cards game the night before so I probably stood more than normal and that I’d been back and forth constipated and diarrhea ever since my transfer. She said to increase my fluids and as long as there was no cramping, pain or red blood then it sounded normal and some people spot their whole first trimester. You prego people out there that spot during your pregnancy and never told me? Well, you suck!

I started drinking more water and googling and I did find that this was normal so I felt much better. As the day went on and there was no more when I wiped or on the pad, I began to think maybe I’d freaked out and it wasn’t really discharge. I laid down at 8pm and fell asleep until 10. At 10, I got up and got on the computer for about an hour then headed back to bed. However, my power nap never really let me get into a deep REM. Around 2am, DH got up to get something to drink so I got up to pee and when I wiped: brown. NO!!! It wasn’t thick like that morning, it wasn’t in my panties, it was only there when I wiped. I wiped three more times and it was still there. I went to the kitchen almost in tears and told DH. He wanted to see so I showed him. He told me it was brown and asked if I didn’t understand how my body was going to change during pregnancy. Yes, apparently my husband is now an expert in pregnancy.

I think I *maybe* fell asleep between 3-4am but the rest of the time, I was tossing and turning and getting up to wipe and check. DH finally yelled at me, “You’re going to wipe yourself raw!” I think that’s when I fell asleep.

When I got up in the morning, nothing in the pad but still there when I wipe. I haven’t had any cramps or pain so I figured I was okay, still freaked out, but okay. I do feel like stretching in the uterus but I wouldn’t call it cramps. Then I made the mistake of Googling and found one post out of hundreds that said it was normal, but the one post stuck out to me and now I want to cry. It said she had brown discharge then nothing all day then it came back during the night. No cramping, no pain and she had a m/c. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My appointment with the regular OB isn’t for another 12 days. I don’t want to keep calling the office but at the same time, I do want peace of mind! I know this could just be Baby B passing but I just want to know that Baby A is still in there doing great. I mean, how do I leave an appointment on Monday being told Baby A is perfect and a good looking baby to two days later freaking out because I am wiping brown??? Man, I thought the 2ww was bad…the whole first trimester is a constant 2ww!!!

OH this day is getting worst! I had to have a TB test for work so I had to call my OB office to see if it was okay. I call and the nurse says, well, you're not a patient yet so I can't give you medical advice. And then the tears came and I couldn't get them to stop...and the only person I have to call is DH and he wasn't answering. I called Mary and left a message and I'm sure I sounded like on the edge of a breakdown. I still can't stop the tears. DH told me to take a sick day and go home but I have stuff going on today. Ugh...I just want to crawl in bed and for this brown shit to go away!

Geez-I might as well have eaten banana oatmeal yesterday and today! Why? Banana oatmeal is my favorite. I ate it one day during camp and said, today is going to be a good day and it was not...not good at all. So now I avoid banana oatmeal.

In case you're Googling, I am 8w3d.

I Graduated!!!

2011-11-22T17:32:00.001-06:00

October 3, 2011
It's official! I graduated from the RE and in two weeks I have an appointment with an OB! Today's appointment went well. Baby A AKA Baby Awesome or My Compact 6 was measuring right along at 17mm and a heartbeat of 173. DH couldn't go with me today so she took lots of cool shots, I even got a 3D one! Like a dumb dumb, I was like, "Wow! I can't believe it already looks like a baby!" So now let me introduce to you Baby Awesome, our Compact 6 embryo (we don't know for sure but I have a feeling). Here is her head and arm buds:

Heartbeat...coolest sound in the world!
3D ultrasound and no, my baby does NOT have a horn! Trust me...I asked! That's part of the membrane and we couldn't get it out of the picture. You can even see the umbilical cord that's growing:
This is a side view and mainly to show the umbilical cord:
Unfortunately, Baby B no longer had a heartbeat and wasn't growing. We are sad about B but feel very blessed with what we have.

After u/s, I waited TWO HOURS for Dr. Val! I did get to see Dr. K and I showed her the pics, she said that was one good looking baby! Dr. Val came in and we chatted a bit. Today I am 8w1d prego and my due date is May 13, 2012 which means I'm going to be MEGA prego as a bridesmaid in my friend's wedding 4/28/12-I can't wait! I said my thanks and goodbye to Dr. Val. (FYI-I think she was having a REALLY rough day! Some lady was loudly complaining about her when I walked in then I heard Dr. Val say she got a call in the middle of the night and I'm pretty sure she cancelled her afternoon appointments. Hope you have a better day Dr. Val!). She gave me a sheet to fill out about the birth. Does she really think I'm going to be able to hold on to that for 32 more weeks? Okay, yes, probably but I think the key will be remembering to send it back in once the baby gets here!

On the way home, I called the OB's office that I wanted to go see. I asked if they were still taking new patients and she said yes that one of them was and that the other one, the one I wanted, was taking new patients but it was about 2-3...I'm not sure if she said weeks or months. I calmly said, "I called a few weeks ago and she was taking new patients. I've been told she's worked with IVF patients and that's why I want her." The lady put me on hold and I have an appointment with the doctor I wanted on 10/18-YAH!!!

I know I'm not going to have weekly check-ups any more and that I just need to relax and enjoy this for what it is but I can't help but be nervous and live appointment to appointment. So Baby Awesome, my little Compact 6 Baby, I am so happy and hope you grow and continue to be strong and healthy! We love you so much already!!!

Hanging Out

2011-11-21T08:35:00.003-06:00

September 30, 2011
Get to check in on the babies on Monday! Praying and hoping that A is doing fantastic and that B is catching up. I have a busy weekend heading to my hometown for a friend's wedding and lots of good cookin' by my momma so hopefully that'll make the next two days go by fast so I don't fret over the weekend. I have to go by myself on Monday because DH only has 3 sick days/year...just hoping I don't get bad news.

The past two days have been weird! I don't really feel crampy but I do feel like something's going on down there like stretching or something. The idea of my uterus stretching already (at 7 weeks) is crazy because the babies are only 1/8 of an inch long. I worried all the past 2 days what that meant and then today I feel 100% normal and now I'm freaking out I don't feel anything at all!

I tried on 2 dresses from my closet last night for the wedding. When DH got home, I told him I hated both. The one looks like a moo moo and the other makes me look pregnant. He laughed and said, "Well, you ARE pregnant!" I said, "I know but I don't want to look it yet!"

Sweet Bobbie sent me an email the other day (thank GOD I have her and my college roomie Jo to talk to or I'd be going crazy!) asking how it felt to be pregnant. In all honesty, it's weird. I totally don't picture myself as that. I read about these other women on FB that had a tough first trimester and here's me, liking the nausea (which hasn't been that bad) and stretching and just praying and hoping that there's still something going on inside me from appointment to appointment. DH said something that he was going to have his brother come to the house and work off some of the money he owes us because he's got a lot that needs to be done around the house before the babies get here. Again, so weird! I haven't even thought to that yet (might also be because I don't have a due date yet). It's like I'm living from appointment to appointment and wishing my life away between each. Infertility has robbed us of SO much but I never thought it would affect me like this!

So that's how I'm doing and I can't wait until Monday!

My Feet Are Freezing

2011-11-20T17:52:00.000-06:00

September 25, 2011
"We're" dog sitting my SIL's dog this weekend. I say "we" because conveniently DH is out of town for the weekend. This dog is a 120 lb rottweiler, super sweet but still a total puppy...that jumps. Keep in mind that we also have a 100 lb black lab and a 60 lb princess puppy (nice way to say mutt). It is kind of stressing me to have them all three here. They had me trapped in the bathroom the other day because when I opened the door, they were all three sitting there. I can't push them out of the way, I'm afraid they'll jump on me and at night, I'm afraid they'll pounce on my belly. Our black lab and the guest dog have been sleeping in the basement only to start barking at 2am. Seriously...

The last week, I'd started feeling nausea in the morning. Only a couple times was it so bad I thought I'd puke. Dr. Val said that was a sign of a healthy pregnancy. Then this weekend, I've only felt the feeling of wanting to vomit a couple times and no major nausea so I'm all freaked out.

With each appointment, I feel like it's a milestone but then I worry. It's hard to believe I'm the "p" word and I'm so scared it's all going to be taken away. Every spare second I have, I pray for the babies. DH has interrupted me a few times and I'll say, "I'm praying!" He's like, "you're ALWAYS praying!" But like my sister told me LONG ago, once you get pregnant you worry about your babies and it doesn't stop when they get here.

It feels weird because I've had co-workers and friends ask when we're going to do the FET. I say oh sometime this fall. They ask what we'll do if/when it works, I try to play it off. I try not to act like I have TOO much info but then I remember...most of these people have never done anything like this so they don't know the difference!

Remember during my fresh cycle, my slip down the stairs? Well, this time around I'm REFUSING to wear socks around the house. It's just fall and my feet are already freezing!!! I probably look silly walking around in sweatpants and a sweatshirt but then have bare feet. DH is getting upset with me because I keep taking my frozen feet and putting them under his legs!

My pee is super yellow and I know I'm not drinking enough water so now I'm chugging it. I do so good at drinking water when I'm working out regularly but when I'm not, I totally fall off the wagon. I could REALLY go for a Sprite or Ginger Ale these days but I'm trying to hold off. Instead, chocolate milk is my splurge drink of choice.

Okay, that's all my random thoughts for now!

Well, There's Definitely Something In There

2011-11-20T08:27:00.000-06:00

September 22, 2011
Wow! Today was weird, crazy but overall, I'm going to call it a good day, no an AMAZING day! First off, I stopped by this new bakery to get cupcakes for Dr. Val and staff. The owner there was AMAZING, super sweet, very friendly and I HAVE to go back because I didn't even get to try one. Anyways, after I picked up the cupcakes, DH and I headed down to the clinic.

When I got there, I was told I had to pay my $40 co-pay see we were seeing Dr. Val. When I went to pay it, I found out that I had a $60+ credit on our account-sweet! Then DH and I headed back to the u/s room. My pulse was racing! She asked how many we thought were in there and I said at least 2. She smiled and said that there were two babies. DH and I both let out a sigh of relief.

We started with Baby A, who was on my right. She was measuring at like an 8th of an inch, but you could see her heart beating away like crazy. The coolest part was when we got to listen to the heartbeat and I can't even explain it. I was immediately grinning from ear to ear and when I looked at DH, he was practically laying across me to get closer to the screen. It was AMAZING!!! So now I'd like to introduce you to Baby A:
Here is Baby A and that's the heartbeat going across the screen on the bottom:
She was kind enough to label for us so we'd remember. I said, she kind of looks like a whale. The tech laughed and said, well it's your whale:
Then we got to Baby B and things weren't as good. Baby B was measuring about the same size but we couldn't hear his heartbeat. We could see it flickering across the screen but it matched mine. Baby B also had what the tech called "double bubble trouble." This is the only pic we have of B, I don't think she wanted to give us false hope so we didn't get any more, but in the pics of just that sac, you can see almost like a halo around the sac. I asked what that meant and she said, it wasn't a good sign.
It was crushing to being told you have two babies to within 5 minutes having one but we're ecstatic and not giving up hope on Baby B yet. I asked if we could end on a good note and she went back to Baby A and let us hear the heartbeat again. Again, AMAZING!

We then had to wait an HOUR to see Dr. Val!?! We got there at 10:30 for our u/s and didn't see her until after noon. I was STARVING! I almost went to ask if I could have one of those cupcakes I brought in. I heard Dr. K in the hallway. DH and I passed the time looking at the u/s pics, reading People, reading reviews of the restaurants around the clinic on my I-touch and DH singing, "we're having a boy, we're having a boy!" He also showed me how he'd play the piano and the saxophone and spun this laminated sheet around in circles. To say we were bored, starving and he was about to drive me insane is an understatement.

Dr. Val FINALLY came in carrying a laptop. Apparently, the clinic is going to electronic notes so as she talked to us she typed. I couldn't help but notice that she had man hands (DH agreed with me) and I wondered if she took a typing class...odd, random thoughts I know.

Anyways, she talked to us about Baby B. It was odd because the tech basically made it sound hopeless with Baby B but Dr. Val made it sound like their MIGHT be a chance, a long shot, but a chance. She then informed me that I am 6w4d which is like a week and a half further along than I thought! At 12 weeks, on October 30, I stop taking all my meds. My butt will be so happy because it's sore from all the PIO shots BUT I will gladly take it for our healthy babies. She said she wanted to see me one more time to see how both A and B were doing and then I'd be released to a regular OB.

We then briefly talked about discarding DH's sperm and I thought she was going to lecture us but instead, she was very nice about it. Overall, I was very pleased with the Dr. Val we saw today and she was very happy about the cupcakes. After we left the clinic, DH took the LONGEST way to get to lunch which ironically enough he picked and it was the same place we went after our very first visit with Dr. Val in April 2010.

So overall, today was AMAZING and we just have to keep on doing what we're doing and praying for both babies to grow, grow, grow! I go back on 10/3 for the next u/s for hopefully another amazing day. FYI-10/3 is when I started posting all my FET posts.

Night Before U/S

2011-11-19T17:21:00.000-06:00

September 21, 2011
Well, tomorrow we get to have an u/s. I'm excited for it (and no needles tomorrow either!) but based on my calculations (which I've done over and over and over), I think I'm only on week 5 it'll be too early to hear heartbeats but hopefully we'll find out how many are cooking in there. I'm not so excited about having to meet with Dr. Val tomorrow as I'm sure she's going to lecture us on our decision to discard DH's sperm. Luckily, DH will be with me so hopefully he can keep me from saying something I shouldn't.

I think I had my first wave of morning sickness today. The past couple weeks, my stomach has been upset and a little queasy but nothing unbearable or anything that would keep me from eating. This morning though, I was laying in bed and felt the full on I'm going to vomit feeling. I knew I didn't have anything to vomit though as it was 7am and I hadn't had breakfast yet. I tried to will it away and when it wouldn't, I sat on the floor and Emma gave me kisses. It eventually passed but ugh, that was no fun. However, I will gladly take it for what's in exchange.

I called about to ob's last week. Found one that I liked but, as most obs are, they only handle singleton and twins. If we've got trips cooking then we'd have to go to a high risk pregnancy doctor. So we'll find out tomorrow what's going on in that department.

I really want to be at a place where I feel okay to be "p," confident to say it and not constantly worry. Every free moment I have, I say a prayer for the babies that they're okay and strong and growing. I'm not sure I'll feel that way until I see and hear heartbeats which hopefully will be very soon!

Rainy Day

2011-11-19T07:27:00.000-06:00

September 14, 2011 10:28AM
I woke up about 3am today to a nasty storm rolling through. After that I pretty much tossed and turned the rest of the morning until PIO and med time. It was still gross and rainy when I left to the head to the clinic for beta #2. Again because of traffic and rain, it took almost an hour to get there. I walked in and had to wait then got to go get my blood drawn. The lady who drew it asked what my beta was last week and I told her. She was like, that's a great number!!! FINALLY, a medical professional telling me it was good. When I left, I walked out and saw Dr. K talking to a husband in the waiting room. She must be doing ERs this morning. I waited for her to finish and gave a big smile when I saw her. I told her that she emailed me last week when I got my beta and I saw her today. We chatted about everything from my beta to how I was feeling to cookies to the conference and even to how cute Dr. Miyagi is! It was a nice feeling to have leaving the office. Now I'm home and I just wait and pray that my beta today had doubled or quadrupled or whatever it was supposed to do. I'm going to curl up on the couch with Emma and *patiently* wait...

12:05PM
Mary called and beta #2 is in...14,694 at 19dp5dt!!! She said that was good, she'd let me know if I needed to worry. I asked her to repeat the number so I could write it down and Mary said, "I figured you'd want that info." Am I the only person that writes that stuff down??? Another nurse is calling me this afternoon to set up my OB appointment either late next week or early the next. After the u/s, I have to meet with Dr. Val and if all looks good then I get released to a regular OB. Now I'm on the search for one since I broke up with mine two years ago. Reading this website, I'm definitely thinking there's for sure two babies in there, maybe three. DH is going to FREAK!!! I think I'll wait until the u/s to confirm, no use worry him until then.

How freakin' exciting ya'll!!! Okay, gotta eat lunch, this lady is starving and go pick up more meds!!!

2:51PM
Transvag u/s next Thursday, September 22 and then a meeting with Dr. Val. Showed DH the beta chart and he's all freakin' out. I laughed at him and he told me, it's not funny! Guess we'll find out next week!

Just Waitin' for Beta #2

2011-11-18T18:34:00.000-06:00

September 12, 2011
Not much to report, just been trying to take it easy and not freak out over every little thing. I've been super tired lately, primarily because of the season change and my sinuses. I've been a little crampy the past two days. I don't mind the feeling bad stuff, I'll gladly take it for what we're getting in return but with every little cramp or thicker discharge, I panic that something's wrong. I still find it hard to admit that I'm the P word, not sure I'll really believe it until we see those heartbeats and that's aways away.

OH! DH had to work this past weekend at 6am both days so I had to do my PIO shots by myself. I got smart instead of doing them in the leg, I stood up and used the full length mirror in our bedroom. Yes, our closet doors are mirrors and no, we did not put them in. It was MUCH better and hardly hurt at all!

Had acupuncture today, it was sweet because the doctor was really excited to see me. She told me that she'd told the other doctor that she saw me scheduled so she thought that was good news. I'm trying to figure out what I can and can't eat and man, that's tougher than you think! No deli meats, no canned foods, no to certain cheeses...at least ice cream is still on the list! :) I'm beginning to think about how we'll tell people but I try not to get too excited about it because as Dr. Val told me, we have a lot of steps to get through first. The next being my second beta on Wednesday. UGH! If I was a hot mess LAST Wednesday, I'm going to be even MORE of a hot mess this week. I just pray that my babies are safe and sound and growing and doubling like they're supposed to.

Killin' My Buzz

2011-11-18T06:43:00.000-06:00

September 8, 2011
You know who's a buzzkill? Dr. Val. Yep, only seen the woman twice in my life, the last time we talked was in December about my failed IVF cycle and then the day after I got a positive, she calls me and is...herself.

First off, I was sitting at work enjoying a piece of ice cream cake when my work phone rings. I recognized the number and my heart sank. Why in the world were they calling? Did they have things mixed-up the day before? I slowly answer and this condescending voice comes on the phone, "Aaaa (drawing out my name), this is Karen from Dr. Val's office. You were supposed to come in for blood work this morning."
Me: I was told to come in next Wednesday the 14th.
Karen: Oh well let me check.
Pause and my head and heart are racing, was I supposed to come in today? I know I was a little out of it after I heard the good news but I swear she said the 14th.
Karen: Oh, you're right, looks like they just scheduled you on the wrong day. So we'll see you next Wednesday and you know you can come as early as 7:30-
Me (interrupting): And no later than 10.
Karen: That's right!
Me: See I WAS paying attention yesterday.
Karen: Yes you were. Now, Dr. Val would like to talk to you.

Long wait while she gets her and I'm thinking Dr. Val just wants to talk to me about from here on and oh I don't know, be a little happy for us. Nope, she gets on the phone and basically is lecturing me on our decision to discard DH's sperm. Here's the part that REALLY pissed me off, "Yes, we (apparently she's part of my marriage now?) are pregnant but there's still a lot of steps we need to get through. If I were you, I'd keep the sperm until you have a baby in your arms." REALLY? First off, my husband and I made that decision BEFORE we know how this FET would turn out. YOUR lab told us that when thawed, it wasn't viable and that fresh is best. Her concern is what if DH's count continues to go down and then he doesn't have anything. So she's going to hold on it and we'll discuss when I come in for the first ultrasound. I was LIVID when I got off the phone! I was at my desk so I couldn't really talk much about it. Then at the end of the conversation she said, "so how ya feeling? You doing okay?" I quickly said yes and tried to get off the phone. Seriously? She's cray cray and majorly killin' my buzz.

I know to be excited but cautious. Now that phone call has me even more concerned. I hate wishing time away but I wish next week would get here so I could make sure my babies are okay!

How It Went Down

2011-11-17T18:05:00.000-06:00

September 7, 2011
Okay, okay so what happened? Well, a nurse (not Mary the normal nurse) finally calls at almost 2pm and it didn't show up as unknown, it was an actual number. Anyways, she goes on to say, "We have your test results and they are definitely positive." I was like OMG! Then she talked away about coming in for the next beta but I was up walking around the house not really sure what I was doing. I walked to the computer room but was like, what am I doing in here, then I walked in the bedroom and again asked what was I doing in there. I had to ask twice what my beta number was (764) and I asked if she thought it was multiples or not. She said she had no idea but come back next week for beta #2. The end.

I promptly hung up and called the pharmacy to refill my PIO and headed straight there. I love the guys there and we chatted about running and such then I left and stopped at the bakery. I was really hoping for a bun of some sort and I lucked out when I saw that they had sticky buns. I got one and wrote this on the outside of the bag (if you can't read it, it says, "We've got a bun(s) in the oven!"Sorry for the poor photos, I was doing this on the fly and I hadn't told ANYONE yet so I was a little shaky too. I was going to put it in DH's truck at work but I was worried that it would be gross in the sun. So I put it on the kitchen table so that he'd see it as soon as he came in the door.

In the meantime, I chatted with Jo, my old college roommate who has triplets from FET and obsessed over this website about my beta number. And, of course, for the first time all day I felt crampy so I got nervous. DH FINALLY got home and I was in the living room sitting on the couch. When I heard him pull up, I turned off the tv and waited for him to come home. I heard him moving the bag around and then I heard him get the bun out and he walked into the living room. I was grinning and he chomped on the bun and said, "So what'd they say?" I laughed and said, "We have a bun, or buns, in the oven!" He nodded and held up the bun, "I got that!" Then we hugged and laughed and I filled him in on everything. When we finished, he said, "So when can we start telling people?" Men! I told him not for a long time until we get through all these first few appointments and stuff.

We then headed to dinner at Olive Garden (romantic, huh? I thought I had a gift card which I did but it didn't have any money on it-oops!). When I got back, I had an email from Bobbi saying she thought I had triplets cooking. So I'm REALLY excited but being cautious. If I was careful before, I'm going to be even MORE careful now!!! So that's the story of how it all went down the day I got a BFP!

Survey Says...

2011-11-17T06:57:00.002-06:00

September 7, 2011
Well, I went in for my blood draw this morning. I hit MAJOR traffic on the way there but had some good tunes to listen to on the way there alternating between stations. I wasn't a bit nervous on the way there or while I was there or really on the way home. It took all of about 5 minutes once I got there and it would have been faster but the nurse had to dig around for a vein. On my way home, I saw the building numbered 777 which to me means it's September 7 and that's 777 for the three tots we transferred.

I was debating stopping to get a HPT to take while waiting for the phone call but I talked myself out of it. I don't know, I just don't feel pregnant and after getting a bad phone call last time, that's just what I'm expecting today too. About 11:30am, I checked my email and Dr. K emailed me back about speaking at the MIA conference. When I went for my beta last time, I saw her in the elevator and spoke to her before my blood was drawn.

Did I mention that DH forgot his phone at home today so I can't even call him when I find out? I'm trying to see that as a sign that I won't get a bad phone call so I won't have to call him all a hot mess. I'm hoping that Mary calls before one, so here's to anxiously waiting...

1:36PM-Still no call from Mary but I did go in about an hour later than I did last time. I didn't eat lunch in case I got upset, I didn't want to barf and now I'm STARVING! Hurry up and call!!! And even though I feel like total crap (sinus stuff and itchy from poison ivy), I still have on my regular clothes AKA no pjs because when she calls, if it's good I have to go get more meds so I'm thinking positively.

1:55PM-Phone call, not Mary but another nurse from the office AND....BETA 764!!!!!!!!!! (I made that bold for those of you that just skimmed to the end!). This is 12dpt or 17 dpo.

OMG! Can you freakin' believe it???? Okay, I have to go get more meds and try to hunt down DH to tell him!!! More to post tomorrow.

PS
Due to the break in posts, I will be double posting for the next few days.

Sorry for the delay in getting to the results! One, I wanted to keep making sure everything was okay and two, I wanted to make sure we'd told our families and works first. As of now, we haven't told DH's family yet because our plans for dinner with them keep falling through. Hopefully we'll tell them tonight! So please don't tweet or FB me yet!

'Twas the Night Before

2011-11-16T07:03:00.000-06:00

September 6, 2011
Well, it's the night before the big beta and I'm sick as a dog. Sinus junk from crazy MO weather and poison ivy from DH taking our black lab dove hunting. I'm a sneezin', itchin' fool. The good news about that is that I'm going to take a shower and head to bed so no waiting and freaking out tonight.

I had an acupuncture appointment today and I was all sorts of out of wack, all of my levels with split. She compared it to a pregnant woman and she said it looked like hers were split too so that was a good sign BUT then at the end of the appointment, she said why don't you wait until after tomorrow to see if you need to schedule another appointment. So then I was freaking out the whole way home thinking she was lying to me about the split thing!

At this point, I feel like I'm Dr. Val's favorite...50-50. I don't 100% feel the same way I did after my last IVF but I don't really feel pregnant either. I really have NO CLUE how tomorrow's going to go. Driving home from acupuncture, the DJ was playing a game and said it was a 50-50 chance and I immediately thought of Dr. Val. I guessed the answer right, the caller did not. The DJ said, well you were on the wrong side of 50 but I wasn't!!! So hopefully I'll be on the positive side of it tomorrow! Here goes nothing...one blood draw!!!

Three Days to Go

2011-11-15T11:16:00.000-06:00

September 5, 2011
Well, my aunt passed away this morning. Luckily, I did get to talk to her a couple times on the phone this past week. It's not the same as getting to see her but at least I did get to talk to her. No word on when the arrangements will be yet so depending on that and how the beta goes on Wednesday, I may or may not be at the funeral.

Lovely Missouri weather has gone from 100+ degrees to complete fall weather in a matter of days so my sinuses have been killing me. I wake up with a sore throat and lots of snot but I can't take any meds for it. Then this morning, I woke up to poison ivy all over my legs from our black lab. DH took him dove hunting on Friday night but did not give him a bath before we crawled in bed with us. I've spent today washing our sheets, putting patches of oatmeal on the rash (in which the dogs try to lick it off) and dabbing the rash with the Benadryl Itch Stick.

The pressure "down there" or something wanting to come out has passed and I'm not sure, it could have all been in my mind on Friday. DH thinks it worked because things are different this time, only time will tell. I know tomorrow is going to be the LONGEST day at work EVER. My work is "closed" this week for cleaning and maintenance. Contrary to what our members believe, we don't get the week off, we're the ones doing the cleaning and maintenance. I'm a little worried because there's lots of moving, painting and chemicals so I'm going to have to do my best to avoid all of that. Since we don't have customers, the days go by super slow too. More power to the painters in the world out there because there's no way I could do that for 8 hours a day EVERY day.

I've decided against cheating and POAS although I keep going back to the idea. At this point, I just have tomorrow, then the blood draw then its time to sit around nervously and await the "phone call." I know this is past time but please say prayers for us the next couple days!!!

MIA Conference

2011-11-13T16:47:00.004-06:00

I know, I know...get on to the results, right? I'm sorry but yesterday we had the Inaugural MIA Conference and it was too amazing to not blog about it right away.

When we headed to the conference, we had almost 160 people register and ended up with about 130 that actually showed up! There were a few hiccups but after discussing it at dinner after the conference and ALL day today with my mom, I'm going to focus on the positives rather than the negatives. You can't please everyone and in the end, we reached so many people going through the crazy infertility journey that it's just so OVERWHELMING! One couple came up to all three of us after the conference, not knowing any of us, and both the husband and wife gave us big hugs and thanked us...that my friends, it what it was all about!
Dr. K spoke on egg donation and Dr. Miyagi (the fellow) attended the entire conference. I FINALLY got to meet him! He was my inside guy & gave me feedback throughout the afternoon. Even though I hadn't met him, only dealt with him the night of the missed meds & tweeted him 5 million ?s (which he always answers), I felt like we were good buddies. At the end of the conference, he came to me and said, "I really like male infertility..." and I said, "Well I don't!" He laughed and nodded that he knew that but made a great suggestion that he could lead a discussion next year on male infertility for all the husbands or something along those lines.

I'm so glad they were both able to attend and support us. I'm hoping that maybe I can work with them to get more patient to patient support at my/their clinic.
During the general session, I saw this husband reach over and grab his wife's hand. I almost cried because really, the most important thing during your infertility journey is support.
We raffled off a FREE IVF CYCLE! Yes, you heard me right a FREE CYCLE! This was the couple that won, well, actually we drew the husband's name so HE won. They were stunned, shocked, grateful, amazed...I could go on. I was (again!) almost crying because you could just see how grateful they were. Dr. S, who donated the cycle, didn't bring a gift certificate or anything so he just wrote them an IOU note!
So, overall, MIA conference year 1-done! I'm so exhausted but it was soooo worth it. Thanks to everyone who attended and supported this!

Playing the Guessing Game

2011-11-11T07:38:00.000-06:00

September 2, 2011
Today has been a VERY rough day for me. Last night, I heard the 8th pregnancy announcement in two weeks. Going on 2 years TTC, I'm kind of over announcements, they don't really bother me but last night's sent me over the edge. Probably because I'm figuring that either A. this girl was drinking while pregnant (I saw her 5 weeks ago drinking) or B. she's JUST pregnant and telling everyone. I emailed Bobbi last night asking her opinion about POAS. As of today I'm 7dp5dt. DH is 100% against it, I kind of want to cheat this time. I woke up this morning to a sweet email from Bobbi and feeling much better.

I headed to work and ended up having a little tummy troubles. But once it passed, I no longer felt gross, gasey or farty like I had been all week. I left work and was immediately down because it felt like something was "down there" wanting to come out, like it was my period about ready to come. This happened last time during our fresh cycle. When I wipe though nothing is there. My lower belly also feels like stuff's just hanging out there, ready to come out. Sorry to be so graphic, don't know how else to explain it. I looked at my calendar and sure enough, I'm on CD 29.

So what do I do? I go back and read my posts from December during the 2ww from our fresh cycle and agree that's how I feel. Then I noticed a couple people's comments to check out this website: http://www.twoweekwait.com/ I got on the computer and I started to feel better. No one mentioned the feeling that your period wants to come out but I had a bunch of the other symptoms. Here they are, take them for what they're worth because we all know it could just be the meds or it could just be all in my mind:

Super sore boobs! I'm so thankful for a good bra but they second it comes off-ow! And they feel heavy...not sure they're any bigger because my regular bra still fits.

Off and on crampy since transfer but I chalked most of it up to tummy troubles.

Definite diarrhea/constipation-it alternates.

Thirsty. Usually I can swallow pills without water, especially smaller ones like my estradiol, but lately I haven't even been able to do that.

Tired and even though I've been resting, I haven't had trouble falling asleep at all.

Peeing...like every 5 minutes. Seriously, I pee and lay down and I can feel the urge to pee again.

Lower ab (between pelvic bones maybe, I'm awful at anatomy) feels tight and hard, I noticed this in the shower and asked DH but he denied it.

Weird dreams

Tempature was 98.2 and if I remember correctly I think I normally run about 97 (but again, I have no record of my normal temperature so I could just be making that up).

Pressure "down there"

Sore throat/sinus drainage (probably from this horrible MO weather change)

Okay, so now that I list it all out and read that website I do feel better. The only thing that really worries me is the pressure down there, like AF is coming, because that's exactly what I felt last time. UGH! So I really have NO IDEA!

I'm afraid to POAS because if it's negative, I don't want to get upset and stressed out if it really is positive and not showing yet. If it positive, I'm not sure I'll believe it. So basically, five more days of waiting...this might kill me!

Forgetful

2011-11-09T07:53:00.000-06:00

August 31, 2011
Fertility meds make me forgetful. I was halfway to work and realized I forgot to brush my teeth. I can't even remember the last time I forgot to brush my teeth...ew!!!

It also made DH forgetful. He asked that I set the alarm for 5am. I did so and it went off then he glanced over at the clock and jumped out of bed, "Babe! We have to do the shot!" I said no dear, remember our clock is an hour fast. He then went to get some coffee to wake up.

Seriously, my stomach has been tore up this week and it's not fun. I told DH and he said, well, it's because you're pregnant because that didn't happen last time. Let's hope he's right ladies!

What a Day...

2011-11-08T14:12:00.000-06:00

August 30, 2011 11:00AM
Probably more than you wanted to know but my bowels have been all over the place! Sunday I had diarrhea and I figured that was just from nerves and eating. Then the past two days I've been constipated. When I did the fresh cycle, they warned me about being constipated but they didn't say anything this time. I took it upon myself to purchase fiber bars and add some apple juice into my diet. No clue if it's just me or the meds or what!

12:30PM
Yesterday I was sitting at my desk when the overwhelming smell of chemicals starting seeping into the room. I asked the maintenance guy what he sprayed in which, as he always does, he starts to go off about how he'll spray whatever he wants and he'll spray it every day blah blah blah. I calmly got up, left the office and walked around the building. When I got back, I asked a co-worker what exactly she said. When she finished telling me, I could feel my blood pressure rising when I told her, well if he wants to give me $5 grand for my fertility treatments then he can spray all the chemicals he wants but in the mean time, BACK OFF! Geesh!

7:30PM
My aunt has been really sick but it’s finally coming to an end. My sister wanted me to go visit her last weekend but we had the transfer so I just played it off as we were busy. Tonight my mom called and said if she made it through the night, they were going to put her on hospice in the morning. In the voicemail, she told me I really needed to come down. I talked to DH and we both agreed that in the effort to not get stressed, it would be best if I did not go. As though that decision wasn’t hard enough, we knew the only way to not go was to tell my family what we were doing which is exactly what we did NOT want to do. I headed to the bedroom and called my mom then my sister then my dad. I explained to them all that we were in the middle of fertility treatments and that, yes I was being selfish, but we thought it was the best interest to not come. Seriously, I get SO emotional at funerals whether I know the person very well or not. At DH’s grandpa’s funeral, I cried like a little baby and I’d only met the man once. They all understood and my dad tried to reassure me it wasn’t selfish, that it was DH and I’s future and we had to do what was best for us.

Now before you start thinking how cold hearted I am, let me give you some info about this relationship. Growing up, I was super tight with my aunt and my cousins. In 2002, my grandma passed away, lines were drawn and the relationships kind of frozen. I always talked to my cousins and such but we no longer saw each other on a regular basis, heck we didn’t even see each other every year! In the past 2 years, I’ve been down there twice to visit. My uncle died the day after my wedding so I didn’t get to make it to his funeral because we were leaving on our honeymoon.

I feel really bad about not going down there but I know I’d be an emotional mess. I’m an adult though and I have to realize that I have to make the best decision for me and my family, not what everyone else wants me to do or expects me to do. I love you Aunt Gee and I’ll always remember the good times together!

So whew! What a day!!!

Acupuncture Post ET

2011-11-07T17:40:00.001-06:00

August 29, 2011
I forgot to say I also went to acupuncture today. My stress was back in check but my digestive system wasn't. This makes sense because my stomach was a hot mess all weekend. Half the cramping I'm feeling is probably just gas!

Updated November 7, 2012
To answer Slynn's question about what is an acuscan: They take this Q-tip like thing and put it on different points of your body i.e. feet, ankles, hands, wrists, etc...Then it gives them a screening of what meridians are out of whack and need to be focused on. It helps them determine what formations to use with the needles.

Back to Work

2011-11-06T17:37:00.000-06:00

August 29, 2011
Back to work today…I woke up not feeling anything so I got disappointed. My boobs are still sore from PIO as are my hips, it kills me to sit too long. It’s like I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t…I want to feel cramping because I know something’s going on but at the same time, I don’t because I don’t want it to be Flo coming. I emailed Bobbi to ask if she “felt” pregnant at all during the 2ww. At talking to her, Googling and freaking out, my conclusion: it’s a crap shoot and I just have to wait.

Last night was the VMAs and I’m SO over Beyonce already. Seriously? That belly rub was a slap in the face and then it was all over the ‘net this morning. I’m also REALLY missing you guys. I want to ask questions pick your brains and have your support but it’s my choice to keep things quiet so this is what I have to deal with.

I think part of my bad attitude was that once, ONLY ONCE, when I wiped yesterday was very minimal, little discharge…like so little that you wouldn’t even notice if you weren’t looking for it. Last time, I had a big glop of discharge in one wipe so that’s kind of freaking me out. Then I woke up this morning and no cramps, nothing. Around lunch time, I could feel minimal cramps but again, is this all just in my head?

Ladies, you don’t understand (well actually probably most of you do), I REALLY want this to work. If it doesn’t, I don’t know where we’ll go from here, whether we start over or say we’re done or what. I worry that we just spent a ton of money and there’s more to the problem than we thought but ugh…not going there, staying positive! This IS going to work!!! Only nine more days until beta…

Day 3 Bedrest

2011-11-05T12:37:00.000-05:00

August 28, 2011
Not much to say here today...slept in, watched "Rumor Has It" while I cuddled with the princess pup and the black lab and DH went out to the park. Stomach is TORE up today, I think the nerves and food I've been eating is catching up with me. You never realize how much you clench your stomach muscles until you try not to.

Blah Blah Bedrest

2011-11-04T09:50:00.001-05:00

August 27, 2011
You know how great and fantastic is sounds when you're told to take it easy for three days? Well, after about one day of bumming around, I'm ready to being doing something! I made it through the first night after transfer although I slept like CRAP. You never realize how much you tighten your ab muscles until you're trying not to plus I'm paranoid about laying on my stomach so yeah, I basically tossed and turned all night. The alarm went off at 6am for the PIO and other meds so we woke up for that and then headed back to sleep.

Luckily at 9:30am, I had a conference call for MIA. It was nice to chat with the girls and we're all really about the conference (that happened a few days ago). When we finally got off the phone a little before 11am, DH was STILL sleeping! I headed to the Man Cave (the only place in the house with a DVD player since my laptop crashed) and started my Twilight marathon. I had left my phone upstairs and the alarm going off for my noon estrace pill which was a good thing because DH FINALLY got up. He came downstairs and watched the end of the movie with me. But then he started complaining about how bored he was and this and that and TOTALLY started stressing me out. I went upstairs to work on the computer some in which he followed me upstairs and he insisted on playing the TV as loud as he could. I informed he that he was majorly stressing me so please go get out of the house!

After he left, I left to start New Moon. He came home towards the end of the movie and started dinner. Delicious hamburgers, tater tots and a dill pickle-yum! Then we got in a heated discussion about violating each other's privacy which I won't rehash but I did my best to lay back and let things roll although had it not been the day after transfer, the $*** would've hit the fan. Are you catching on to a theme here? That DH doesn't understand how he stresses me out??? He went out with his friend after dinner. I decided I'd had too much fun at the house and decided to venture out but not without a shower first because I was beginning to smell my own funk.

I showered, drove to the bank to deposit money, return some movies and then hit up Dairy Queen for a French Silk Blizzard-yum! Then the pups and I settled in for Eclipse. Can I just say that I've had enough bad acting for an entire years since I've watched all three Twilight movies in one day? I'm REALLY hoping they don't butcher "Hungry Games" with bad acting too.

Okay, so I'm sure you don't all really care about my lamo boring day. How am I feeling? Off and on, here and there crampy but nothing horrible. I'm trying not to inspect the TP every time I go to the potty although I do feel ewey and gooey (sorry-just being honest!). And every now and then, I do get extremely hot but that could just be from being under the blanket with a 100 lb black lab on your feet. My boobs feel HUGE and a bit sore but I'm sure that's PIO and my butt hurts where I've been getting the PIO shots. That's about it for now! Just trying to stay busy because when I'm not is when I get stressed and we don't want that. So babies, I hope you're happy and healthy in there and growing and hatching and doing your thing!

Meet Our Tots!

2011-11-03T09:53:00.000-05:00

August 26, 2011
Meet our three tots that we transferred:

The two tots on the left are already started to hatch as Dr. K said! When she left the room, I was so excited and DH looked at me and said, "We're not having snakes here!" Ever since we got the tot report back in December, the "compact 6" tot stuck out in my mind so I had to ask which one he was. Yes, I kept saying he...is that a sign? Well the top left is my Compact 6 and the bottom left was an Uneven Eight. While in the room, we agreed to transfer all three. After we signed the forms, DH looked at me and said, "If we have three kids..."

When we got into the transfer room, Dr. K came out and said, "You know, we could just transfer 2 and freeze one." I know this is the option that DH preferred but I tried to explain it as best I could. I kept asking, "Does that make sense?" I was considered that the tot on the upper right wouldn't make it since it wasn't hatching yet but, of course, I had this huge roundabout way to explain it. Dr. K checked with the lab and said they probably wouldn't refreeze that one so "we" AKA me, again agreed to transfer all three.

So there you have it...my three tots that have been transferred into me! They are a day 5 transfer so now I go back on 9/7 and get some good news that they're growing, growing, growing!!!

The Transfer

2011-11-02T10:08:00.001-05:00

August 26, 2011 10:09PM
Well, it's about 9 hours after the transfer and everything went GREAT!

We got to the clinic right on time but had to wait. I'm sorry but you don't tell a girl to fill her bladder then make her wait. PLUS there were two patients in the waiting room with their kids. I hope one day that's me in a waiting room with my kids but when my stress level is already through the roof and dad is asking the son if he wants to go poopy on the potty and mom has her Iphone out to take a picture of him in a chair (uh...do they not have chairs at home?), well my friends, that does NOT help my stress at all.

Anyways, we finally got called back and I had the same room as I did for my fresh transfer. This was fine because it has a journal in there where ladies can write in while they wait which is encouraging and passes the time. DH and I both got changed and I sat criss-cross-applesauce waiting for the doctor. Much to my surprise...Dr. K walked in!!! She did my ER and I absolutely LOVE her. I'd been trying to get ahold of her to talk at the MIA Conference so we chatted about that for awhile then got down to business. She showed us pics of tots (see next post) and we discussed how many to transfer (again...see next post).

She asked if my bladder was okay, if I was miserable which LAST time, I begged to just let a little out and they refused. I was 100x better than last time so I said I was good and she left to change into scrubs. Before she left, I pointed out the cookies and seriously, she shrieked she was so excited and then she squealed when she looked at them. DH laughed and when she left, I said, "See it WAS a good idea!"

Then I headed into the transfer room but before we got started, we discussed again how many to transfer (next post). Then we FINALLY got started. We chatted about last time i.e. my bladder, how hot I was, etc...then she asked what I was doing to relax and I told her about the Twilight Marathon. We discussed that and then talked about Hunger Games. She said we must read the same "People" because we had all the same gossip.

Note to self: Ask for the long speculums. Every time they use the basic ones and every time they have to pull them out and get longer ones. Other than that, all went well. It took her a bit to get the exact spot but then we were good to go. The lab tech came in and our tots shot across the screen. She did warn me that I may spot some because when she was cleaning she hit the cervix but to NOT be alarmed. It was so fast and easy and laid back this time, much different than last time.

Then they wheeled me to my room and I laid on my back for 30 minutes. The first 15, I tried to doze off but I couldn't. The second 15, I got out my I-touch and listened to some tunes. The nurse came in to tell me I could get up and I told her good because my bladder was FULL. She cleared me to go but would you believe that DH had gotten up to go right before she came in so I had to WAIT ON HIM!!! Silly boy! I swear I peed for like 15 minutes.

We got our instructions and actually go in two days earlier than I thought for the beta test which is good...less time to wait. When we got to the car, I called to refill my estrace then DH and I both decided we were STARVING. We stopped at Bandana's for lunch even though we had dinner in the crockpot at home. All I'd had to eat all day was that PB on bread and water and I don't think DH had eaten anything. We scarfed down our dinners, got the meds and I took a nice long nap with Emma.

When I woke up, I went to turn on my brand new laptop (as in purchased 3 weeks ago) and it was dead! :( DH and I watched "Lincoln Lawyer" and then I FINALLY sat down to write this post before I forgot the details. And that my friend is the story of my FET and how my tots got placed inside me. Now 2ww...hurry up!

Update November 1, 2011
So I have been reading all your comments and I apologize about the prolonged wait. If you haven't caught on, I like to document every, single little detail! I didn't want to start posting until I was ready to. I promise only a 2ww left for you all, until then....happy reading! ;)

The Morning of the FET

2011-11-01T10:26:00.000-05:00

August 26, 2011 10:30 AM
Well, the day is here and can I just say that I'm a hot, nervous mess? I don't know what's up with me but I'm so freakin' nervous!!! I know I need to calm down and believe me, I'm trying but it's just not working. I woke up seriously about 6 times having to pee last night. I think it was a flash back to the ET last December when I had the overactive bladder going on.

DH and I got up at 6am so I could pop all my meds and he could shoot me in the butt with PIO. Luckily, today is the last day for Medrol. Since I have to cut it in half, it tastes AWFUL. We then went back to bed for a couple hours since this is the first time in forever that we could sleep in...minus the 6am wake-up call for meds.

I got up about 8:30 and was going to make muffins only to realize that the muffin mix expired in October 2010. Okay...cinnamon toast...no butter. So I ended up having PB and bread with a glass of milk...not super delicious but it would do because like I said, I was a ball of nerves. I started to get dressed and DH walked in the room and I almost broke out in tears. He was trying to calm me down telling me everything was okay and this afternoon I'd be pregnant but for some reason I just couldn't calm down.

I decided to take Emma for a walk which was nice and calming. I thought I was going to be pressed for time so we only did a short loop. I finished getting ready and left to run my last couple errands. First stop Blockbuster:
I plan on relaxing with a Twilight movie marathon this weekend and I figured DH would like "Lincoln Lawyer" so I grabbed that for him. I was kind of bummed because apparently Blockbuster just got sold so they aren't accepting gift cards. Oh well, it was only $4.97 for 3 DVDs. Then I stopped by DH's chiro to see if they'd donate something for the MIA conference, only to find out they were closed on Fridays.

So now I have an hour before we have to leave and I'm just trying to distract myself. I'm dressed and ready to go. I need to write on the cookie box and throw dinner in the crockpot but that will take about 10 minutes total.

I think I'm so nervous because I'm scared that we're going to be on our way there and they'll call and give us bad news (I don't even want to type it!). Plus I really have NO idea where we'll go from here. I'm also REALLY nervous because during the fresh cycle, someone was down "there" every other day for almost 2-3 weeks. Prior to all this infertility stuff, I would stress myself for about a week to go see my regular OB because of being down "there." I tend not to be able to relax. Well this time around, I had good 'ole wandie last week and that's it. I'm just hoping everything goes smoothly with this transfer so I'm going to have to just suck it up and R-E-L-A-X!!!

OH and have I mentioned that I feel like it's going to be REALLY cold when they transfer them since they've been frozen? I know I'm silly! Okay, I'm not sure this post even makes senses so I'm going to stop now and get the crockpot going. Will post again post-ET! Cross your fingers!!!

PS
Rabbit, rabbit!

Pics from the Night Before

2011-10-30T09:47:00.001-05:00

Are you guys tired of the night before posts yet? Are you ready for me to get on to the FET? Like I said, I was a madwoman getting everything done and ready before the ET so I have a lot to post. So, thanks for sticking around in the meantime...enjoy the pics!

As I was finishing up blogging, DH walked in the room and grabbed the camera...and wouldn't put it down!

Here's me giving DH the "I'm pumped and can't wait for ET tomorrow...oh and I'm trying not to be stressed!" As you can tell, I hadn't made it to the sheets yet.
After 50 more snapshots and outtakes, I finally started "picking" my nose in hopes that would deter him...
Even our big 'ole black lab covered his face saying, "Come on...no more pictures!!!"

Okay, it's 10:13PM the night before ET and I need to try to get some sleep. Night!

Gearing Up: The Night Before FET

2011-10-29T07:18:00.000-05:00

August 25, 2011 7:18PM
Whew! I'm home from acupuncture and can I just say that the last 4 hours have been super weird? Let's go in order...

1. I bought cookies to take to the clinic tomorrow. Don't they look delish?

2. On the way to acupuncture I thought to myself, "Hmm self, know who you haven't talked to lately? Our good friend Jess...I should call her later."

3. Got to acu and met with the new doctor. FYI-she looked NOTHING like her picture online. We chatted for awhile and then she did my accuscan. She laughed and said, "Good thing you came today, the stress is showing through." Um...yes, compare, shall we?

The right is from a early August and the left is from today-yikes!Last time a couple things were off, today EVERYTHING was through the roof. I mentioned all the meds I was on and she said it might be that. I think because she told me I was stressed, made me EVER MORE stressed and I could barely relax. Usually during acu, I doze right off but I couldn't today. I listened to their mediation music for the first 15 minutes but my mind was racing a mile a minute about everything I needed to do. So the last 15 minutes I grabbed my MP3 player and listened to my music so I could focus on the words.

Oh and then the fee got jacked up again without being told. I said no, it's $35 and that's all she charged me. Wonder if that would work with Dr. Val...

4. As I was pulling into the driveway, my phone suddenly beeped that I had notifications and my heart sank because I thought it was the clinic. I looked and it was my friend Jess (see #2). How weird is that? I called her and we made small talk and then I said, "So are you pregnant?" to which she replied, "Dammit, why won't any of you let me tell you?" I guess we'd all guessed before she had a chance to. We chatted for a bit about that and Words with Friends. Then she said, "I know you're not telling anyone when you're doing your FET but I really hope it works so we can do prego stuff together." I know Jess is probably sh**ing her pants right now when she realized she called me the day before my ET and told me her news.

5. In other baby related news, the support group I am a member of on FB had two confirmed pregnancies so that's got to be a good sign, right?

6. I know you're supposed to wear funky socks to your doctors appointments. Well, last time no socks worked for me and this time it's eleventy billion degrees outside. So instead I decided to paint my toenails (sorry for the pic Jess). Yes, I know I don't have a future as a pedicurist but I was trying to save some $$$ by doing it myself.

7. At this time, almost everything is crossed off my to-do list. I still have to put the fresh sheets on the bed, stop by Blockbuster tomorrow so I can have my Twilight movie marathon this weekend and take a good shower and pick out an outfit. I also need to get my estrace refilled but I want to wait until after the transfer tomorrow. I figure this will give DH something to do while I'm laying around taking it easy.

So that's it ladies! Fingers crossed for my tots to thaw well and a successful ET! Will update you all later.

The Agony of Waiting

2011-10-28T11:02:00.000-05:00

August 25, 2011 3:02PM
Well, we're scheduled for tomorrow at 12:45pm. No idea how the tots are doing. When I'd talked to Mary last week, she said they would call in the late afternoon...they called me once at 10am and once at 11:30am, my heart racing both times. The odd thing is that they called my work number and didn't even try my cell...weird! Anyways, the first time they wanted to know how I wanted to pay. I was like, I want to know how my tots are before I pay for anything. She said she wouldn't run the card until next week. Then at 11:30, my favorite nurse V called and gave me directions for tomorrow. I couldn't ask much since I was at my desk with everyone around to hear but I was able to ask, "How's everything doing?" To which she replied, we haven't even thawed them yet!!! OH the agony of waiting!!!

So I said, basically I don't want to hear from you again until we get there and she said correct. I've been toting my phone around everywhere hoping it doesn't ring. I've already got cookies from the bakery to take in tomorrow, dinner set out to thaw for tomorrow night (throwing it in the crockpot) and half my toes painted. I felt like I have 100 things to do before tomorrow but since we don't have to leave the house until 11:45am, I'm leaving some stuff for tomorrow morning so that I can busy myself and not sit around stressing. I'm headed out in a few minutes for my acupuncture appointment but I'll post again with everything I'm doing to prep (pictures included!).

I just want tomorrow to come so I know my tots are okay and we can move forward with the ET. Reading the post I did on them in December is very encouraging and I looked back at pictures of DH and I from December-wow, we were chunks! Hopefully being in better physical shape will help. I know to not overfill my bladder tomorrow so hopefully the transfer will be a much better experience than last time. Okay, I have to stop rambling or I'll be late!

Nerves

2011-10-26T05:34:00.001-05:00

August 24, 2011
It's the Wednesday before the scheduled ET and can I just say that I'm a hot mess??? Last night, a friend of mine told me to be careful about bikram yoga because it can cook your ovaries. Well, I've spent the last month doing it thinking I was getting myself ready in baby shape. I fretted the whole way home and couldn't wait to get on the Internet to research only to find...mixed opinions. Le sigh...

I have SO much stuff I need to do before the ET but I'm putting it off. Why? Because I'm paranoid that they're going to call and tell me bad news about my tots and thawing. I don't want to do all these errands and get stuff to prepare and then have it sit around and taunt me.

BUT as I learned in bikram yoga, that despite what I read I feel like it helped me relax, no one can take my peace away. I figure my tots made it to day 5 and looked awesome. Dr. Val called them beautiful embryos. And seriously, it's a part of me and I'm a fighter so therefore my babies are too!

I'm so grateful to be helping with Midwest Infertility Awareness and the conference. It has kept me busy and kept my mind off thinking about the ET. When I get pregnant, I'll deliver at 29 which is the age that my mom had me and my sister had my niece. My niece and the babes will be 8 years apart, like my sister and I. I'm in much better physical condition. DH and I are in a much better place together. I'm feeling REALLY good! Now all I have to do is make it to Friday morning to get those babies placed inside me where they belong and we'll all be good to go!

Medrol

2011-10-24T09:10:00.000-05:00

August 22, 2011
Added Medrol to the mix today. I'm supposed to take 8 mg twice a day. Good thing Mary called out the 8 mg to me because see what my tabs are:
Yep, 16 mg. Apparently, the 8 mg tabs are hard to come by so most pharmacies either give you 4 mg or 16mg. So I have to cut the pill in half and take half in the AM and half in the PM. Thank you Mary for pointing that out to me!!! I only take these this week Monday-Friday and stop on transfer day. This pill has a gross taste to it, probably because I have to cut it in half.

Today I'm feeling crampy and my thighs are KILLING me. I think it's because I did yoga yesterday but who knows. Also, DH made me bleed bad with the PIO shot this AM. :( Here's to hoping tomorrow we don't get any blood from the shoot and to no more sore legs!

Good Morning Meds!

2011-10-22T08:52:00.000-05:00

August 21, 2011
The alarm was set bright and early for 5:45am on a Sunday morning. I got up right away when the alarm went off, fired up the laptop and tended to the furbabies. When I got back, I quickly found the Freedom Fertility video for administering PIO-God Bless 'em for their videos but not always their prices! DH got to watching the video and getting the shot ready while I headed into the bathroom with a giant glass of water to wash down my "breakfast" which consists of 2 pills of Zithromax, 1 prenatal, 1 estrace and 1 low dose aspirin:
As though the first picture doesn't do the pill size justice, here it is covering up all the writing on the bottom of the pill bottle:
Funny when DH starting drawing up the shot, I was only doing a 1/2 CC today and then full 1 CC the rest of the time starting tomorrow, I confused him. We had to search through all the needles and pull up my blog post about PIO from the fresh cycle and then we were good to go...so see there is a method to my madness as to how I document everything!

PIO up close and personal!

All went well with day one of tons of meds and PIO! I was going to yoga with some girlfriends later that day so I didn't eat much and my stomach was UPSET, like I felt like I was going to barf. I stopped to get gas and grabbed some Honey Nut snack mix and all was well. Mary did tell me no yoga after the transfer so starting tomorrow, I'll probably just be watching what I eat and taking short dog walks around the block. DH did a fantastic job as always administering the shot and our big black lab was there for me to hold on to.

It's getting real people! This is the build-up and excitement I was waiting for...here we go!!!

Let's Talk About Sex

2011-10-20T09:13:00.000-05:00

August 20, 2011
To my friends and family that may be reading this, this post is about sex. I'm warning you now so if you don't want to read about it then you should stop here. If you brave the waters and continue on, let's agree to not discuss this in person, k?

You IFers out there know that during treatment sex, ironically enough, is limited. DH has been driving me CRAZY the past couple weeks due to lack there of. Finally, when Mary called yesterday, I said, "I'm totally asking this on my husband's behalf...can we have sex this week before the transfer?" I could feel my cheeks turning bright red even though we were on the phone and not face to face. She was thinking it out loud and then finally I said, "Okay, what about this weekend? Can we at least have sex this weekend then nothing for...however long?" And FYI-it might be a LONG time. She agreed to sex this weekend (umm...that kind of sounded dirty but you know what I mean).

Mary and I finish up our convo and I call DH. "Great news! Lining looks good so we're on for transfer next Friday AND we can have sex this weekend!" I don't know what he was more excited about-lol!

Okay, I have to go get all my meds set out for tomorrow AM since we're shooting at 6am. I'll probably set the alarm a little before 6 so we can watch the PIO shot video again. Wish us luck! Update about meds tomorrow!

Hello Wandie, Remember Me?

2011-10-18T07:00:00.001-05:00

August 19, 2011 (Exactly two months ago!)
I was off work today to burn vacation and also had to go get blood work and u/s done. I woke up, took a shower, chatted with DH and debated about whether to wear my "baby dust" earrings that I wore to every appointment during our fresh cycle. I finally left sans earrings because this time around I'm doing everything different.

I got to the clinic and my the spot I normally park in was taken-PERFECT! I head upstairs and I wasn't the first in the room-GREAT! So far so good...I chatted with the receptionist like we were old buddies and did the same with the blood draw nurse and the u/s tech. Now let me explain that these three ladies tend to be a little cranky but I got ALL of them to smile, it was pretty awesome! As soon as the tech put wandie in me, she said, "We're checking the lining here and it looks pretty good!" AWESOME!!! Remember back during the fresh cycle and that damn lupron bleed wouldn't come? At least then I knew what to expect, this time being on just pills I had no idea.

When I left the office, I rode down with another lady who left the clinic. I thought we'd gotten off on the wrong floor and told her, yeah I only go to the third floor and out. I laughed and told her how DH and I wandered around the whole building when we came for IVF orientation which then sparked her to ask questions. She is just starting her journey so we stood outside and I told her what I knew and answered her questions about IVF. It was nice, today I felt comfortable and welcome at my clinic, not rushed and anonymous, it was nice.

I headed home and about 5 minutes onto the road my phone rings. I was thinking, "Dang! They're processing stuff FAST today." It wasn't the lab but it was a lady I had contacted about donating to the Midwest Infertility Conference. For the next 20 minutes, she and I discussed the conference, our journeys, the feelings along the journey...it was just a good phone call to have! She wished me the best and said she'd pray for me, which as you all know is one of the best things you can do for a friend going along this path.

A little after 1pm, I got the call from Mary that all looked well and we were scheduled for transfer the following Friday (August 26). The lab would call me late Thursday to give me an exact transfer time and we just pray that our tots thaw nicely and continue to divide so we can move forward!!! I do NOT want the phone call on Friday to turn around and go home but I'm being positive so I'm not going to think about that.

Then Mary went on to tell me about my meds...HOLY pills!!! I throught 3 a day estrace was tough...add in Medrol, which I have to cut in half-that'll be DH's job twice a day, aspirin in the AM and PIO shots. The good news is that we can pick the time for PIO!!! Just has to be the same day, every day...hopefully for the next 13 weeks! DH and I discussed and I think we're going to go with 6am because we're generally always together at 6am and it's easier to plan around that vs 6pm.

So good news all around!!! I'm feeling really super good about this!!! Bring on my tots, let's get this party started!

The Build Up

2011-10-16T06:51:00.000-05:00

August 18, 2011
Wow! I already have a doctor's appointment for this Friday for bloodwork and u/s to check my lining. That means hopefully one week from Friday it'll be transfer time and then the 2ww! I can't believe it's already that soon, I don't feel like we've done anything this time around.

A fresh cycle of IVF takes two full cycles, this time it only takes one. Fresh takes lots of shots on the dot EVERY night. This time I pop 3 pills a day and that's it. I told DH the other night that it's crazy because the build up isn't here this time around. He said he liked it because it's going to be like nothing then....BAM! You're pregnant. LOL! Let's hope he's right.

So cross your fingers for a good report on Friday, pray for our totsicles who are waiting for us, and hope that we remember how to give PIO shots! Guess we'll be spending the weekend watching videos on that.

Don't Drink the Water

2011-10-14T07:07:00.000-05:00

August 17, 2011
Three, yep three pregnancy announcements in 24 hours. Of course, I'm counting Hilary Duff as one but hey, it still counts, right? The other two are people that come to my work on a regular basis. Since my work is the "baby factory," seriously, there's ALWAYS someone here that's prego or their spouse is, the 'ole "don't drink the water" comment comes up...A LOT! Seriously? I drink about 48-72 ounces of water from that non-cold (we argue about this EVERY day at work) water fountain EVERY DAY. So all I have to say is...what's up with that?

My Furbabies

2011-10-12T06:39:00.000-05:00

August 16, 2011
Today I had to take the furbabies in for their annual check-up. It's a doozie walking a 100 lb lab and 60 lb mutt with stool samples (and collecting along the way!) the half mile to the vet's office. As we safely crossed the busy intersection, it hit me. Back in December when we were going through our fresh cycle, I knew that I'd be due end of July/early August. One of the things I thought about was that I knew the furbabies had their annual appointments every August. I've always been the more compassionate one when it comes to them so I didn't want to miss it. In my mind, I was already planning how DH would have to watch the baby (ies) while I took the furbabies. I didn't want to neglect them just because the babies had come along. Yet here I was walking across them to the vet myself, not worrying about who was watching the baby. Isn't it crazy weird the things you think of?

To My Dear Husband

2011-10-11T07:11:00.009-05:00

October 11, 2011
To the man who puts up with me no matter my mood, my dreams, my attitude, my weight, my morning breath, and my fears.

To the man who can stick a needle in my butt without me realizing it, who can draw up menopur as though it's his every day job, and who stares so intently at the u/s screen as our embies are placed inside me.

To the man who drives me insane by his midnight snacking, the dirt he tracks into the house, and the way he can't say no to anyone.

To the man who has taught me to love purely, to shoot a gun, and to live life to its fullest.

To my dear husband, today I wish you the happiest of days as we celebrate our three years of marriage. It's crazy to think everything we've been through in those three years but I wouldn't wish to have anyone else but you by my side.

Let's never let go of our each other or hope, deal?

Coming Back?

2011-10-10T06:36:00.000-05:00

August 15, 2011
As I've stated before, I run summer day camp among many other hats I wear but camp is my main focus and busy time of year. Since camp has ended and my sanity has returned, I've had 2 camp parents and a camper ask if I'm coming back next summer. If/when the FET gives us a BFP, I will be due in the spring and would technically miss part of camp. I'm hoping, and looking at this as a sign because I have never been asked that before in the past. Cross your fingers!!!

Harder Than You Think

2011-10-08T08:57:00.000-05:00

August 10, 2011
Estrace is harder than you think! I was all excited because I didn't have to be home every night between 6-7pm to take multiple shots. Sweet, right? Instead, I have to take these teeny tiny pills every 6 hours...at 6am, 12pm and 6pm. Easy, right? OMG! NOT!!!

This is way harder than you think! The first couple days I was just trying to remember on my own. I would look at the clock at like 10 til then in 10 minutes, I would totally forget and by the time I remembered it was like 5-10 past. So then I decided to put a reminder on my email for the noon pill. I finally broke down and set my phone to have the alarm go off at 6am, 12pm and 6pm. It's working but the only bad thing is if I leave my phone in the car, it'll go off until you silence it AKA kill the battery. Not to mention the alarm scares the bejeezus out of me every time because it's so loud and not expected.

I also only have 1 bottle of pills and I seriously carry it around with me EVERYWHERE. At night it goes on the sink and I take with my prenatal in the morning. Then I put it in my pocket and I jingle around pills all day. So far in less than one week, I've forgotten them twice and had to turn around and go home. The first time I was still on our street so it was a quick turn around and I was good to go. Today I was halfway to work and had to turn around and go all the way home. So between remembering what time to take the pills and remembering the pills, it's way harder than you think!!!

I Think I Prefer Lupron

2011-10-07T06:03:00.000-05:00

August 7, 2011
Hearing my phone alarm go off three times a day, toting around a pill bottle that shakes in my my pocket and feeling like a drug addict...I think I might prefer lupron to estrace. Remind me I said that when the PIO shots and I'm sure I'll change my mind.

Identity Crisis & Drama

2011-10-06T06:38:00.000-05:00

August 6, 2011
Yesterday was the last day of camp! Woohoo!!! DH and I always go to a nice, fun restaurant to celebrate at 6:30pm on the last day of camp. Camp ends at 6pm so that gives me 30 minutes to deal with any issues that come up. It was surprisingly a very, quiet day with no phone calls or drama which was weird not just for the last day of camp but ANY day of camp.

DH and I start to head to dinner and we're about halfway down the street from our house when I remember that I needed my meds to take at 6pm. We turn back around to get them and get back on our merry way. As soon as we get on the highway, his gearshift (he has a manual truck) breaks in HALF!?! Luckily, we were just getting on so we were able to get over very easily. This totally reminds me of the Burning Bush story in the Bible like I forgot my medicine to make sure when the gearshift broke we weren't in the middle of the highway to create an accident. Anyways, after this, the evening kind of went downhill...

Neither of us panicked and we were able to get off the highway and to the car place with no problems. His sister picked us up and took us home and we left again in my car. We got to the restaurant and I got wild and crazy ordering a Shirley Temple (love my caffeine-free, non-alcoholic cocktail!) and then for some reason that neither of us remember, we started fighting and then the rest of dinner was in silence.

We woke up Saturday morning and I took him to work, he was quite the Crabby Abby. I even offered to stop and get breakfast but he denied! Later in the afternoon, we received a mystery box of checks in the mail (silly me thought it was my bank and called all in a huff that I didn't order them and halfway through the convo I realized they were from DH's bank-oops!). I called him to ask about it and then we got to talking. Basically, he sees his other friends in their jobs and lives with more success and is upset about it. I won't go into too many details but it broke my heart. DH works SO hard at anything he does but it seems like he/we can't ever get ahead. The broken gearshift was apparently just the icing on the cake after a long week of other stuff.

As though the broken gearshift and the fighting with DH wasn't enough, I also had to call a camp parent on Saturday morning to deal with an issue. I knew Friday was way too quiet of a way to end camp for the year. Then on the way to dinner as I was taking my med, I told him this was just part of fulfilling his dream and he looked at me and said, "my dream." I didn't create too much of a fuss but I reminded him of all the things he said he wanted to do with his kids. Funny, he's "doing" all this for me (yet I'm the one sucking down the meds and getting shot in the stomach, butt and Lord knows where else!) but he has dreams of kids too.

Sigh...so my husband is having an identity crisis, we have truck and camp drama and I just want no stress please!!!

Estradiol and Prenats

2011-10-05T06:28:00.000-05:00

FET is not nearly as pokey as fresh IVF. So far, I'm just taking three teeny, tiny Estradiol pills a day at 6am, 12pm and 6pm to make me not ovulate. I have to admit it that it's a LOT harder to remember to take these pills three times a day vs shooting yourself once a night (well, many shots at one time/night). See how little they are?
Now let's look at the monstor prenatal pill I'm taking:

Sometimes, I'll take this pill at 6am and get to work about an hour later and even though I took it with water, I can STILL feel it caught in my throat so I spend a good 30 minutes just swallowing water to get it down. Then I spend the next hour in the bathroom peeing out all the water!

And We're Off!

2011-10-04T08:44:00.000-05:00

FET #1 starting NOW! I woke up on Thursday, August 4 to Aunt Flo. I could tell the day before that my period was coming...bloated, crampy, crabby but my period wasn't supposed to start until the following Monday. When I logged it, I saw that this last cycle was only 24 days long which is the shortest period I've had in the past 2 years since I started logging.

I took my estrace at 6am, put the bottle of pills in my pocket and grabbed my paperwork. I called Mary, Dr. Val's nurse, and right around 10am, she called me back. When I mentioned the short cycle, she said to take a pregnancy test and if it was negative then go on as scheduled. I laughed and asked her if she was serious...she was and I had to do all this before noon when I was supposed to take the next pill.

I run summer day camp so while I may not have children of my own, every summer I'm "mom" to 150 kids and 22 college kids...it definitely keeps me on my toes. On this Thursday, it was the second to last day of camp and we were short staffed. I wasn't at my normal office and I was acting as "director" until the director could arrive. When I got off the phone with Mary, I called DH and told him everything basically summarizing, "I'm in my work polo and I have to find a pregnancy test and take it all before noon. So now I'm on a mission to find the cheapest and most inconspicuous place to buy a test and then take it." I promised him I'd call if it was positive so I'd probably just talk to him after work.

I found the Dollar Store, ran in, got the test, paid in quarters and then the lady just sat it on the counter. She finally realized what it was and asked, "Do you want a bag for that?" Umm...yes please! Okay, mission one accomplished. Next part, smuggle it into the bathroom...done! I get it to the bathroom, get the test out and crap-I need a cup! So I shove it back in my jacket and go find a cup and head BACK to the bathroom. Okay, now we're set!

Normally, no one EVER comes in this bathroom. Today? It was freakin' Grand Central Station and I had to wait 3 minutes for the results. As expected, it came back negative. Can you believe that in our 2 years of "officially" trying this is the first pregnancy test I've ever taken? Not even during IVF #1 did I take one and the only other one I took was when I had a super long cycle right before we "officially" started trying and then my period came like 2 minutes after I took the test. Yeah, trying for almost 2 years and only 2 pregnancies test and neither time did I *really* think I was pregnant. Anyways...

Since my period is almost 4 days earlier, it's pushed EVERYTHING up. So my scheduled ET is a week earlier than expected. It was supposed to be the Friday before Labor Day so perfect, I would just take that Friday off and have a nice long weekend to relax and let my tots find a place to get snug as a bug in a rug. I had switched shifts so that I wouldn't have to do any PIO in the leg, I'd be home every night for DH to stick it in the butt (oh that sounds dirty but it's not). I'd scheduled acupuncture during the 2ww but now it'll be after we already know the results. But you know what? I'm not going to stress or freak out. When I told DH, he was calm and said that we'd make it all work and we will. I'm staying calm because I feel like it's going to work this time and I'm doing everything OPPOSITE than last time i.e. freaking out and stressing over everything! Here's happy thoughts for this FET cycle...

Proof that the p-test only cost $1
What's this mean? "For in-vitro diagnostics use only"

My p-test get-up on the TP holder...never a dull moment! LOL

So here we go again...I'm excited!!! And overwhelmed and nervous and, well, you know all the feelings that come along with it!

FET Cycle

2011-10-03T15:11:00.000-05:00

August 6, 2011
As you read this, my FET has already started and we already know whether we got a BFP or BFN. During our first round of IVF, we broadcast it to the world, telling everyone when we were doing everything, showing off our meds, etc...This time around we decided we were going to do things opposite and keep things on the downlow.

I still wanted to document the journey and my thoughts and feelings. Over the next couple months, I'll be post-posting (that's posting my posts during my FET at a later date) so that you can follow the journey and I can remember how I felt and what we did. As I write this on August 6, I'm crossing my legs, fingers, eyebrows, eyes that we're going to get a BFP and that the last post you'll read will be a good one. Thanks in advance for all your comments and prayers and positive thoughts. For those of you that know me IRL, please don't ask me what happened. We'll talk about everything when we're ready.

Here we go friends, hang on because I'm sure it's going to be a bumpy ride!

This is why I heart blogging!

2011-09-25T11:38:00.002-05:00

Much to my surprise, I woke up this morning to a sweet email in my inbox. My newest follower, Ash, had sent me an email. Apparently, I don't hide identities real well because she was able to figure out who Dr. Val and Mary were! Oops! She went on to write:

"I want you to know that your blog helped me know what to expect and even find humor in what we were going through. I am fortunate enough to say that my first IVF worked and I'm now 13 weeks pregnant with a singleton after transferring two fair quality embryos. Again thank you..."

I was almost in tears! Aside from documenting my own journey, my goal of this blog was to help other women in the same situation. When I was first facing infertility, I wanted the down and dirty truth and I scoured the web looking for answers. This is why I blog about EVERY LITTLE DETAIL! It makes me feel so good that she was able to gain something from my blog. I feel like this blog has met its purpose.

A big congrats and good luck to Ashley and thanks for following!

Infertility Funnies!

2011-09-13T07:00:00.002-05:00

While doing research for MIA, I came across some of these infertility cartoons and couldn't help but LOL so I figured my fellow IF ladies would enjoy a good laugh as well.

This one is DH's biggest fear!

I know we're not the only couple to have this occur in our house!

So true!!!

Hope this brightened your day!!!

Quotes

2011-09-12T18:31:00.000-05:00

Thought we could all use a little inspiration...

I think the last three are my favorite. Tell me, what quotes have gotten you through your journey?

A Miracle from 9/11

2011-09-11T12:10:00.002-05:00

As we all remember those that lost their lives on 9/11/01 and think about where our country is since that fateful day, it's hard to see the positive. While researching for MIA, I came across this article that made me smile.

I'll never forget and I'll always appreciate those that defend our freedom every day.

God Bless America!

You know you're TTC when...

2011-09-02T20:05:00.002-05:00

- the Big 'O' no longer refers to orgasm, but instead to ovulation

- you show everyone who will look at your bbt charts

- every twinge is a potential sign: ovulation pain OR perhaps implantation

- it no longer strikes you as the least bit odd to check out at the pharmacy with both HPTs and tampons in your cart.

- you schedule your social events around your ovulation day

- if your OPK comes up +, you cancel all social engagements that night so you can BD & lie with your legs elevated and butt up in the air afterwards

- you talk using mysterious acronymns that only your ttc buddies understand: ttc, BD, ewcm, bbt, opk, 2ww

- your morning motto is: "Don't talk to me until I've taken my temperature"

- you take your temperature more than once a day (committed TTCer)

- you refuse to finish decorating that 3rd bedroom in your new house, because you can't stand the thought of getting it just the way you want it only to have to tear it apart next month in order to make room for the nursery you'll be needing.

- you put off buying any fall/winter clothes, because you hope they won't fit by the time the weather gets cooler.

- you clip coupons for OPKs and HPTs

- your doctor says, "Now take these home and inject this needle into your stomach every day" and you don't even flinch.

- you spend more on OPKs, HPTs, and fertility supplements than you do on clothes

- the thought of nausea makes your heart skip a beat!

- you make a mental note of what day of your cycle it is before you say "ok" to a drink

- you get sick but make sure you can take the medicine in case you are pregnant...and would rather stay sick if you can't take the medicine..

- you finally look forward to mornings! Another opportunity to take and record your temp!

- you refer (and think) of your husband, not as his real name, but as the letters "DH" in real life

- you suffer silently from Infertility Vision (IV) - defined as the ability to see pink lines that nobody else can see. It's a very common condition among POASers during the days leading up to the official test day. Research is still being done, but at present there is no cure for it!

LOL! I love this list especially the referring to your husband as DH, the not flinching at needles and talking in code. When I had my ER, everyone thought I was going to the Emergency Room and I had to explain...no, no...Egg Retrieval!

Taken from here

Frozen Stuff

2011-09-01T17:59:00.002-05:00

I came home from work today and there was a letter addressed to DH from our clinic. I called him and opened it. Inside was a letter saying that we needed to decide whether or not to keep his cryopreserved semen or decide to discard it. If we keep it then we'll have to pay a storage fee. I had to re-read the letter because at first I had no idea what it was talking about. Then I remembered...

Back last September and October, DH went in to bank sperm in case we couldn't get a fresh sample the day of the transfer for our fresh cycle. Well, when they thawed it, none of the sperm made it out. I guess in my mind I just assumed they didn't keep it but apparently they did. I called Mary to discuss with her which did absolutely no good because, of course, she can't tell me yes to get rid of it or no, not to. I still have to confirm with DH but I think we're going to discard because 1. both samples thawed from each time did not make it. 2. Fresh sample is always the best. 3. DH can always produce more.

Anyone have any thoughts/reasons why we SHOULD keep it? Remember this is just the sperm, not our totsicles.

"Rumor Has It"

2011-08-28T12:32:00.002-05:00

Have any of you seen this late 1990's movie "Rumor Has It"? I'd watched it when I first came out (I think I was in high school) and bought the movie a few years ago but didn't really remember the details. This afternoon, I thought I'd pop it in and watch it again.Funny, back in 1997ish when it came out, I never caught on but today would you believe I watched the whole movie and the one thing I took away from it was that it was infertility related? Basically, Jennifer Aniston's character thinks that Kevin Costner may be her father. When she confronts him, he says he's sterile because of blunt testicular trauma. Later in the movie, his son appears and she freaks out to which Kevin explains that it's not his biological son. His wife and him used a sperm donor.

That is definitely not the main focus of the movie but as a woman in the IF world, I thought it was very interesting. Any other movies you know of that mention IF or anything along those lines? We should start a list of them. Happy Sunday all!

Registration is OPEN for MIA Conference

2011-08-25T18:17:00.003-05:00

Registration is now open for the Inaugural Midwest Infertility Awareness Conference. This conference will be held on Saturday, November 12 from 2-6pm at the Lodge Des Peres in Des Peres (St. Louis), MO. Registration is FREE but go here to save your spot. If you're not a Midwestern-er, please share this with your IF friends that are. Thanks for all your support in my journey through infertility and with this organization!

Underwear

2011-08-24T17:32:00.002-05:00

This is my random thought for the day...

DH has been yelling at me because I've got some holey underwear. My mom always told me that when I go to the doctor to wear my best undies because you didn't want the doc to see your bad ones. I always keep that in mind when I go to Dr. Val but really...has she EVER seen my underwear? I think not so I'll keep rockin' the holey ones. :)

"Invisible Loss" by Deb Grissett

2011-08-19T19:31:00.004-05:00

I'm really enjoying helping with the Midwest Infertility Awareness Conference. I'm contacting authors and such to donate for the conference and I've spoken to a couple that are super nice. Today, Deb Grissett called me and we talked on the phone for 20 minutes about the conference and our journeys. She's helping put on an expo in Jacksonville, FL in November. It was a really uplifting conversation and exactly what I needed today. I'm leaving you with a clip of her song that she wrote. Deb dealt with secondary infertility and after 6 years of trying for a second child, her husband and her decided that one was enough for them but she's still very active in the IF world. Thanks for being out there Deb!

Midwest Infertility Awareness

2011-08-16T15:45:00.003-05:00

For all you Midwest IFers out there, my good Twitter friend has started up this great organization called Midwest Infertility Awareness (MIA). Along with the help of the nurse at the "other" clinic, she's putting on a conference November 12, 2011 that's open to all ladies (and men) starting, going through or finishing their IF journey. More details will come if you're interested in attending the conference!

I'm helping her out with the social media so be sure to follow us on Twitter: MidwestIF or Like us on Facebook by searching Midwest Infertility Awareness. If you're in the area and want to help out, leave me a message. For everyone, leave me a message what you'd expect to see at the conference, topics covered, giveaways, etc...I'm really excited!!!

A Picnic

2011-07-27T21:33:00.003-05:00

Back in June, the "other" clinic held their Annual Picnic for all past, present and future patients. I took this as an opportunity to meet the good doctor without that crazy $175/fee. I had met a patient of his on Twitter so I knew she was going to be there. When they sent out the invite, it said to bring the whole family including babies. I tweeted back, "Are furbabies okay?" They replied, "Absolutely!" DH had something going on so I loaded up the female furbaby (our princess) and headed to the park. Here we are entering the picnic:

We had a great time visiting with my new Twitter friend and her husband, found another patient that was from my hometown and found out she knew my dad, and had a good visit with the doc. He was so easy to talk to and informative! I could have spent the whole afternoon chatting with him but he was in high demand. All his patients wanted to show off their little miracles and he held and loved on each of them. Some of the ladies had shirts made that said, "Dr. S' Miracle." After having gone through IVF and be a part of the IF world for almost 2 years now (yuck!), I feel like I'm in a much better place to discuss treatments, other IF clinics in the area, reasons, etc...with the doc and other patients. It felt nice to talk to someone who knows what's going on and not have to explain what IVF stands for, that 8 embryos don't mean 8 babies and who knows why PIO feels better in the butt than anywhere else.

After lunch and visiting, the other clinic wanted to get a group photo that they were going to hang up in their office. Feeling like a party crasher, I tried to sneak out but when you've got a 60 lb dog with you, it's hard to go unnoticed. So here I am crashing their photo but by their demand:
I'm wishing and praying and hoping that we don't have to use the other clinic but if for some reason our FET fails (which I'm feeling REALLY good that it's going to work!), I think its safe to say that my decision has been made where we'll go.

Strike That

2011-07-17T18:23:00.003-05:00

Saturday I checked the mail and had a packet from our clinic. It was all the legal stuff for the upcoming FET. It included the waiver saying that we wouldn't hold them liable, we understand the risk, no guarantee, blah, blah, blah...all that legal jargon. Then I got to the end of the document and it totally reminded me of "Sing You Home."

The last two paragraphs read:

"In the event of death of a partner, the surviving partner in accordance with The Center's medical policies and practice will make decisions regarding the utilization or disposition of eggs, sperm or embryos. In the event of death of both partners, The Center will dispose of sperm, egg or embryos, unless other directives are made available in advance.

In the event of separation or dissolution, The Center will use or dispose of eggs, sperm or embryos according to the terms of an agreement signed by both partners (to the extent the agreement is consistent with exisiting law), or according to the terms of an order of court. Pending the determination of use or disposition, in the event of seperation or dissolution, both parties understand and agree to remain fully responsible for costs associated with storage of eggs, sperm or embryos."

If DH and I both die, we don't want our embies disposed of so I have to strike that and type up another statement saying we want to donate them for use by another couple (not for research), then have it signed by both of us and a witness.

Gotta stay on your toes ladies!

Only $50!!!

2011-07-13T22:32:00.003-05:00

I'm busy getting everything in order for FET this fall, getting my body ready, getting our finances in order, etc...Well, today I got WONDERFUL news...my insurance is actually going to help some!!! My first round meds for the FET will only cost $48.80 since they aren't necessarily "fertility" meds so insurance will cover. When I found out, I almost jumped through the phone and kissed the guy! So yeah $50 vs $2,000 for the fresh cycle...I'll take that!

I must say I'm feeling good about the FET...if/when it works, I'd deliver at 29 which is when my sister had my neice and my mom had me, the good news about the meds, AND I just found out that someone whose been waiting a year and a half to adopt just got a placement! Crossing my fingers...

Second Guessing and Freaking Out

2011-07-10T18:06:00.002-05:00

UgH! I already typed up this whole post when stupid blogger effs up...Blogger I hate you sometimes. Let's see if I can word this just right and even remember what I typed...

First off, update on my last post. I called the second hospital and calmly and politely (both two very difficult things for me to do!) explained the situation about having to pay 2 ER co-pays when the doctor at the first hospital was the one who didn't know what to do and made us transfer. I then waited a week and finally got an email saying "as a one time courtesy" we won't charge you-WOOHOO!!! Moral of this story: 1. We will drive the 45 minutes to the main hospital downtown anytime we have an emergency and 2. It never hurts to ask.

Now to the meat and potatoes of this post...

Second Guessing
I'm getting ready to gear up for our FET this fall. When we did the fresh cycle back in December, I think I weighed around 215. I'm currently at 175-180 which has got to be a good thing, right? (Also, pretty sure another 10 lbs and I can qualify as an egg donor at my current clinic!!! This was a pretty big motivator for me so I can help pay it forward). During this weight loss journey, in an effort to not deprive myself and to stay on track, I "diet" for about 8-10 weeks then give myself a cheat week meaning no counting calories and no working out if I don't want to. I took FULL advantage of it this past week. Starting tomorrow, I plan on going into full FET mode so my body is in the best physical condition it can be in meaning no caffeine, no alcohol, prescription prenatals, etc...Now don't get me wrong, I take prenatals daily, just the cheap OTC kind (small effort to save up for the big bucks treatments). I can count on one hand the number of alcoholic drinks I've had in the last year and I really only drink soda when I'm totally over the taste of water. Well this past week, I've drank soda like it's going out of style knowing I won't be able to have it the next few (or longer!) months and I had two beers yesterday (whoa, I'm getting buck wild!) which is 2 more beers than I've had in the past 6 months. I've also eaten out 3-4 times this past week which is about the number of times I usually eat out a MONTH. So I know that's not too bad for just one week but why then am I freaking out??? Thinking I should have been gearing up longer, afraid all the work I did is ruined...ugh, I know it's ridiculous but I can't help second guessing...

Freaking Out

So this time around, I'm trying to do everything OPPOSITE than I did before...acupunture, losing weight and trying to be healthy, picturing my totsicles in my arms, not being afraid to dream of them. I picture telling people our exciting news, deciding how I'll deliver, what our house would look like with a baby (possibly and hopefully three!) and I picture getting the phone call about a BFP and then I stop. Because when I think of D-Day, finding out yes or no, I can't help but get that feeling of absolute, sheer panickness as I picture Mary calling about the fresh cycle, "Oh A, I'm so sorry..." My heart sinks to my stomach and beats really fast, I lose my breath and then I think about transfer day and how they may tell me we don't have any and that's when the tears come and I can't think any more because I don't know what we'll do then. Le sigh...

So there, that's what's going on inside my crazy, little mind of mine. Please leave me a comment and tell me to stop second guessing and freaking out...it'll make me feel a little bit better. :)

I REALLY Hate Bills

2011-06-16T18:10:00.000-05:00

Came home today to a bill in the mail. It was for a $300 co-pay for the 2nd hospital I took DH to when we visited the ER. I called my insurance to see if we had to pay both co-pays...verdict: YES! Since he received treatment at both, we have to pay the $300 co-pay at both. UGH!!! So from now on, we'll just go to the one big, main one downtown 45 minutes away so we don't have to pay twice.

While I had her on the phone, I found out we have about $700 worth of MORE bills coming for the renal scan he had. Good news, we hit the deductible, bad news we owe about $1,000 and I JUST paid the last $1,800 for BFN IVF. Awesome...sometimes I wonder if this is God telling us that this is why we can't have kids. Long, rough day and did I mention I'm in my house SWEATING!!! I'm going to sit in front of a fan...